How to decide

[howtodecide]

I am a single mom of two kids. First kid is from my previous marriage, and me and his father is in good term.

 

Second one is from a 2 year relationship after first marraige. The problem is with my second one's father. He started dating another woman while my second kid was 10 months old and I was 5 month pregnant with another one, and tricked us to move out of his house (because he can not deal with my first kid) and had me do an abortion (I have no choice at that time). I put a lot money in his house, etc. That is not that important. He married the other woman after three month of dating (three months we broke up), and made up a lot liars to her (that I moved out several months ago before they dating, etc).

 

Then We had an agreement in court for childsupport amount, etc. He did not see his son for over 6 months, so finally after they married for 3 months, he started his routine vistation (every other weekend).

 

Now two years later which was at the beginning of 2006, I asked them to negotiate more child support because he pays me less than what law required. He refused. so I bring him to the court, and in the middle way, he begged to settle, and promised to come to kid' birthday, and spend more time with kid, etc. so I think the relationship of father/son is more important than the money, I settled with almost same amount ($100 more) and hope we can be in peaceful/friendly terms with the promise from him that he will cover part of my attorney fees, etc. Then you know what, right after we finalized the court paper, he no longer called. Never called my son, and once I saw them in the shopping center, I called them, he pretend not seeing me. and more worse, he not see his son for over 2 months , not even mention to birthday party or school activities, none.----- all because by his words, his wife is very controlling/demanding, and just had a baby had baby blues and threatening to divorce him if he talk to us. I am also sure she did mention divorce several times whenever crisis arose.

 

So now My attorney told me I can modify my child support again, and I wonder if I need to bring him to court again.

 

Will that ruin the father/son relationship again?

 

I need your frank advice to give me a clear picture what kind of man is that and which is the best way to improve the relationship.

 

And he can constantly not seeing his son to date his woman, to comfort his woman, is that mean he is a man put woman in first priority?

 

Thanks a lot.

 

Please help me make the right decision. Get the child support we deserved by the law , or settle with the lower amount and hope he can behave better?

[TigerCub]

Ok first of all, I would like to say that I don't have any children, so I don't know how valuable my advice would be for you.

 

But:

I was so angry while reading your story.

This is what it comes down to:

The father of your 2nd child is a deadbeat lying piece of crap.

He promised to be a better father if you guys settled out of court and he's ignoring his child!

there's no excuse for that, at all.

You already said that he lied to his current wife about what was going on with you 2. For example, he lied to her when he said that you moved out before him and her got together, so maybe he's just lying to you now and telling you that his wife is the one with the problem about your kid.

 

But either way, all I know is that if I had a child, and my significant other had a problem with me seeing my kid, the relationship would be over so fast, their head would spin.

 

So lets face it, the father of your 2nd child is worthless and he doesn't want to be a father to his kid. As awful as that is, you may just have to realize it and accept it.

You gave him a chance and he didn't take it, so I definetly commend you for valuing a father/child relationship to more money, but the father really doesn't seem to care, so this time around, I say take him to court and do not settle no matter what he says, because if he were a good father, he would spend time with him son regardless of how much money is being invested into the care of the child.

 

I think the fact that he doesn't want to provide money for the care of his son speaks volumes on its own.

 

I say take him to court, don't back out and get all you can get.

 

But again, I have no children, never been married, so that's just my $0.02

 

Good Luck!

[Annacabana]

Take him back to court and get enough money for you to raise your son without having to worry about money. You can't make someone want to be a father, that has to come from his heart, so I would just let it go. When you take him back to court and he starts promising to spend more time with his child, please don't listen to him. Actions speak louder than words and he has spoken.

[Djaba]

What Annacabana said. Get the money; he won't change.

[iron_m]

Rule number one in divorce cases with children:

Do not trade money (CS) for time, "love", frienship, etc. Why?

because money is the only thing that can be efectively measured. The others cannot. Not even time... He may pick up the son and take with him for 48 hs. and still they may not have been together at all.

 

So the CS should be based on what you need to suport your child. Do not trade for other things.

 

good luck.

[Mr. Lucky]

So now My attorney told me I can modify my child support again, and I wonder if I need to bring him to court again.

 

Will that ruin the father/son relationship again?

 

I need your frank advice to give me a clear picture what kind of man is that and which is the best way to improve the relationship.

 

What father/son relationship? If he's not seeing your son, what is there to ruin? Get your children and yourself the financial support you need and deserve. You sound like you still have one foot in the past - do you still have feelings for your ex? If so, they may be hindering your ability to see that your child's father seems to have moved on without much regard for either one of you.

 

Mr. Lucky

[howtodecide]

It is just him always telling me I am the cause of all his current marriage problems. I brought him to the court , caused a lot finanical problems/emotional problems between his wife and him.

 

He seems blame me for everything.

[Leikela]

It is just him always telling me I am the cause of all his current marriage problems. I brought him to the court , caused a lot finanical problems/emotional problems between his wife and him.

 

He seems blame me for everything.

 

Wah, wah, wah to your husband. Tell him to go cry to someone else. You are just looking out for your children. If that affects his current marriage, it's not your fault, it's his. He should have maybe thought about using protection before bringing multiple children into this world and then not wanting to be a father.

 

Take him back to court and do the right thing FOR YOUR CHILDREN!! He should not be any of your concern right now. He's NOT a father now and probably won't be in the future. It's important that your children are #1 now. Protect their interests and get more money for them. Good luck!