Madly in love with best friend

[Wickens]

This is a little long, so just bear with me.

 

I moved to a new city last year and I've been meeting people a lot (I'm pretty sociable).

But so far I've only met a handful of people who have not tried to screw me over or just plain screw with me.

One of these people (Jessi), was someone I met through a mutual friend. For a while we were just those two people who saw eachother when we were with the mutual friend togther. Then one night everyone had gone home and we were sitting in my car when I was supposed to drive her home, and instead I asked if she wanted to sit in the car, hang out and watch a DVD. She said sure, we ended up watching Predator without me knowing that she was also in love with that movie.

 

Anyway, flash forward to now, almost a year later. Our mutual "friend" screwed us both over, we cut ties with them and now we hang out at least 5 days a week. I also got her a job at the site I supervise for my company (opposite shifts so we dont actually work together).

The connection we share on a level of friendship is to me, astounding.

 

We both have the utmost respect for eachother, and we've never said or done anything to make the other angry.

We've had one time, where we were both in a bad mood and kinda took it out on eachother, but we both just left it for a day, and then talked about it and sorted it out. That actually made our friendship stronger because we both know we dont have to hold back with eachother and we talk about everything.

 

I would trust her with my life without even thinking about it.

But recently, things have started to change for me. I went on a date with a girl the other night and after I dropped her off at home, I just didnt feel anything about it. She was a great person, good taste in music, didnt have any awkward moments, and we had lots of fun. But after I was just...meh, about it.

 

I started trying to figure out why, and part of me was thinking about Jessi. It drifted past my mind that maybe I couldnt have fun because this girl wasnt Jessi. I've been thinking about Jessi in a different way lately, and I just thought, no, couldnt be that.

 

But then after the date I went and picked up Jessi so we could go hang out and grab some coffee and relax. When I was telling her about the date and how I didnt feel anything when normally I would have, it kinda just hit me like a bag of cement.

 

I'm madly in love with my best friend.

 

That night as we sat in my car with the lights from my stereo lighting up her face I realized I'm in love with my best friend. Suddenly she was no longer what could have been my younger sister. Suddenly she's the woman that I cant stop thinking about.

 

I cant go one hour without thinking about her, and just wanting to hold her. I cant wake up without thinking about her, and sleeping is getting more and more difficult.

Now, I've had serious relationships before, and I'm 23, so I know for a FACT that I could spend the rest of my life with her and be happy beyond all belief. I've never in my life felt this way about someone.

 

But it's killing me! Part of me is scared beyond all belief, and the other part just wants to tell her everything I'm thinking when I look at her.

And it comes down to either I go from having a best friend, to having the best friend I'll ever need for the rest of my life. Or from best friend to someone I have an awkward friendship with that drifts away because she doesnt feel the same.

 

This girl isnt just some girl to me either, people always think that we're a couple when they meet us. I've been told we just give off that vibe. We're always thinking the same thing, this is not an exaggeration. I cant remember any time that we were talking about something and we WERENT finishing eachothers sentences.

 

It's even like that with our day to day lives. Something will happen to one of us and the other will have the exact same thing, or something so similar it makes you go "That's creepy".

 

I dont know if that's fate, or something else, but it doesnt help that we're always in the same mood and always thinking the same thing.

She is seeing someone, but it's nothing serious in the least. The other day I made a comment about a co-workers son, and jokingly Jessi said "I'll help him out...if he's cute" and then I asked her "What about the guy you're with?".

She kinda just looked at me and said "Oh yea...forgot...".

Now I want to tell her, so badly, and I will if I think I have any chance, but I dont know how, or even if I should!

 

I need a womans perspective on this, she's made casual comments about us having sex in the back room at work, we've joked around about stuff like that a few times. We have almost no physical contact between the two of us, I've hugged her once because she, as usual pulled me out of a big slump by showing up at work with a suprise for me. But it's like we're BOTH holding back touching eachother out of some fear.

 

Between that, and the comment about her current fling, can anyone woman tell me if all of that coupled with the fact that we hang out pretty much EVERY day, if she MIGHT even feel the same for me?

I need to know, I just cant take it, even if it's just a point of view I dont care. This is ripping me apart and I dont want to come between her and this new guy, but if she doesnt really care about him much then I will tell her.

 

It's becoming harder and harder for me to keep my mouth shut even now...

Even if she doesnt have feelings for me, I just dont like that I'm hiding something from her.

I have no idea what to do, or how to go about doing it

[dr2be]

Well Wickens...it is odd how your situation almost parallels mine and how I feel about my friend. The only difference is he is the one who started flirting with me, and his flirtations are what caused my feelings to change. However, I didn't want assume he meant anything by his comments because I knew he was dating others which perpetuates the situation I am in now. He is or was seeing a couple of people which is nothing serious. We spend so much time together that I don't think he spends much time with them, but it isn't anything we really have discussed openly as we discuss other aspects of our lives. I assume he doesn't discuss who he is dating for fear he will either hurt my feelings or ruin his chances of having more than a friendship with me.

 

This brings me to your comment of not wanting to hide anything from Jessi. If you feel such a strong connection to her, I am sure she may have had some feelings of her own. She most likely can feel your attraction to her if she can read your mind well enough to finish your sentences. You should test the waters by obviously flirting with her. If she asks why you are talking to her like that with a peculiar look on her face, she may only see you as a friend. If she plays with it, she probably is feeling you but is just scared of how things will affect your friendship. I would do something romantic to ask her out on a real date (don't say let's hang out) if you feel she is receptive. Don't say vague comments like my guy friend is doing. I am utterly confused by him most of the time, and I am hiding my feelings from him. I feel terrible about it too.

 

I can totally relate to how you give off an aura of a couple who is love. Whenever I go anywhere with my friend, strangers/colleagues/friends all believe we are a couple or have strong feelings for one another but refuse to admit it. The last time we went to a convention this October some people actually called me his wife. He totally went with it too pretending like we were married. It was kinda funny. Anywho...don't be a wuss like my guy. You won't be able to stop thinking about it, and it will take a toll on your friendship because you will be keeping a very big secret from you very best friend. If she doesn't feel the same way, I would be very surprised. On the small chance she doesn't feel the same, I doubt that this would affect your friendship. A woman who surprises you at work when you are in a slump will not abandon you because you have developed feelings for her. Your friendship is strong enough to handle this. Believe in it and yourself...Good Luck!!