Heartbroken and need thoughts..

[Guest]

Really Need Some Help...

 

I've been with a girl (23 yrs old) for just over 2 years... and aside from the minor arguments, etc., I'd say our relationship is pretty good. She also seemed (past tense) low-risk. As in, she's not very boisterous, rarely drinks, rarely goes out with friends.. is pretty level-headed and is a hard worker. She always tell me where she is, and is often home, in bed, before the late night hours... even on the weekends.

 

HOWEVER, two or three weeks ago, she goes out with her friends, and apparently gets really drunk. This is only the 2nd time in 2+ years that she got intoxicated, but this time something bad happened.

 

She waited 2 weeks to tell me this (which is somewhat bothersome). Apparently, she was very drunk, ended up kissing on her best friend's brother, then passed out, not remembering anything. She awoke, without a shirt on on a couch, with the guy fully clothed on the floor. While putting her shirt on, she realized a condom wrapper nearby, and even though there were APPARENTLY no physical signs, she claims to have had sex with him. After she told me that, I broke it off, and am unsure what to do.

 

Now, I'm in the midst of putting the pieces together, and according to the dude, they didn't have sex. What's scary about her is, she claims she can't remember what happened.. so really she could've been raped, who knows? But its hard to believe she was able to get her underwear / tight pants on, in a drunken stupor.

 

She of course, is in a terrible state, and to be honest, so am I. She wants me back, right now, I am 99.999% against it. I don't know what to believe at this point. Everyone is floored that this girl would do anything like this.. and I am as well. I want to get it straight from the horse's mouth (the guy involved) that nothing more happened, because apparently, he must've had a better recollection of the night's activities. Even still, how do I know either of them has the right picture?

 

What makes it worse is, its her best friend's brother, and the best friend works with one of her relatives... so this guy might always be around, and plus, he's got some ill-will toward her, because apparently he's liked her for a while and now wants to be in a relationship with her.. which she doesn't want.

 

To be honest, the fact that she put herself in such a predicament is the most bothersome, because she knows a little alcohol effects her greatly. It was a birthday night out with friends, she had been stressed w/ a new job, drank too much, and bad things happen. I am 100% certain none of this would happen without the alcohol, and she rarely drinks. She of course, naturally states she would agree to certain restrictions if we got back together.. but would it work? I just don't know.

 

At the least I need time... and hearing another side of the story (which may or may not be correct) would be nice too. In the end, I don't know what can happen.. but I am literally heartbroken and am against traditional relationships now.

[aeren944]

I'm not psychologist or relationship consultant or anything like that... but, it seems to me that what it really comes down to is if you can trust her again. Or, if you can live with her after something like that happens. Honestly, from your post, I gather that she truely loves you, and is generally sorry that all this is happening. She told you about it (even if it was two weeks later, she owned up to it) and she even agrees that restrictions would be in place if you got back together. If she were untrustworthy, I couldn't see her doing something like that.

 

I'm definately not trying to defend her in your eyes, but you said she's level-headed, doesn't go out much, rarely drinks, etc. Plus, 2+ years down the drain because of this just seems so sad. I'm not minimizing how you must feel... hurt and betrayed... but, in my opinion, you don't have to give up hope. To me, it seems like you could work through this. Maybe you just need to let your emotions calm down or something. It sure doesn't sound like they had sex... and lightweight drinkers tend to be horrible when they're drunk anyway.

 

I dunno... I'd say give it one more shot, on your terms, of course.

[Ashamed06]

I'm the OP. I was lied to tremendously.

 

She was running around with a dude (told him she was single) for nearly 6 weeks behind my back. I had to get together with him to unravel all the dirty secrets. She denied them until the very end when she finally spilled. At that point, I knew anyway.

 

She claims she did it because after 2 years maybe I didnt show enough attention or be as affectionate as I once was. Perhaps that was true, but she didnt go about it in the correct manner.

 

Its done.

[Bryanp]

Wow,

 

I am sorry for you but at least you found out what type of person she really is. For 6 weeks she was lying to your face and now blames you for her having sex with this guy she was running around with behind your back...Oh please.

 

Her comments are classic for a cheater. It is always your fault that she had to have sex with another guy. It just goes to show that you can never really know someone else as much as you think. All I can say is good riddance to her and look for someone else who is not such a head case. It really sounds like she played you very well.

[Ashamed06]

Even considering those things I did.. ya know, maybe I neglected, and took her for granted, but obviously, I know that the way she handled it was not the correct way.

 

Unbelievable.