mbf5482 Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 When trying to get a seconf chance with a girl what is the best way to go about it. She broke up with me because I messed up in many ways. She says she still loves me but does not know if she can be with me. She said that she just needs time to think and figure out what she wants. I have told her I will leave her alone and let her have time to think. I did just that then yesterday she started emailing me after 2 days saying she missed me. Then she called a few hours later and we talked. Then before bed she asked me to come over and say hi so I did. We ended up having sex and I slept there. Then this morning we had sex again but after words we got into a argument because I asked her about getting back together and she said she cant right now. Then she got mad at me for asking about this guy I saw her out with last week. I told her if she cant be with me then pleae dont call me and have me over here like this because its really messing with my head. We left on bad terms. Then I got a text message that said “sorry about my head and heart disagreeing”. I wrote her a email saying I will give her this time and I hope she calls and we can work thinks out but please dont call unless you really want to try and make this work. She wrote back and said thank you and she will call me when she is ready and she will miss me. How should I handle this time apart from her? Is there anything else I can do but leave her alone that will help? How is the best was to act when she calls and I see her? I know I dont need to bring things up but it can be so hard not to. what can I do to make sure I stop bringing things up that make us argue? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mbf5482 Posted December 2, 2006 Author Share Posted December 2, 2006 anyone can u help me please. we just met and had lunch it went well we didnt fight or bring up anything bad. it went really well Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted December 2, 2006 Share Posted December 2, 2006 Let her make all the contact with you for right now and don't give her anything she wants unless you are getting what you want as well. Ie, if you want to be in a relationship with her and only her, then don't sleep with her. She needs time to think etc., then she can have it, but she can't have you while she is "thinking". Link to post Share on other sites
Author mbf5482 Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 I understand I dont need to sleep with her again until we are back together. Its just hard she is really hot and I love her. I am not going to again though. But are you saying that if she calls me to go to lunch I should not go until she says she is ready to be in a relationship again? Or should I go and just have a good time and not talk about getting back together until she does? whanks for your help Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Just give her the time and space she needs. It isn't fair for her to sleep with you and then not expect you might see it as progress to reconcilation..... however, pressuring won't work in your favour here. Let her do the contacting...all of it. There isn't much else you can do but lay low and respect her need for space. if she does want to chat or meet up, you are totally doing the right thing by keeping things light and not bringing up the relationship. You have to let her be the one to initiate that talk. In the meantime, keep busy. Don't be so available to her if she calls- ie: don't be at her beck and call. If she wants to meet up, make sure to say you're busy some of the time. It's sad to say, but people want what they think they can't have. If you play it a bit aloof and mysterious, it WILL work in your favour. If she thinks she may be losing you, it will have an impact. Right now, she knows she can have you if she wants you, you're not a challenge to her. Don't pick up everytime she calls, wait until the next day to return the call. Just appear like you are moving on with your life. I guarantee that will have more impact than always being available to her and telling her you want her back.Easier said than done, I know. But you can do it. Just give it a try. Good luck, D Link to post Share on other sites
Author mbf5482 Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 thank you D-Lish. I have been at her beck and call so I will stop that. Last night she called and asked me to come tuck her in and like a fool I went over there again. But this time I layed with her for alittle bit and then said ok im going to go. She said to stay alittle longer,I think she wanted to hook up but I didnt even kiss her. When I left she sent me a bitchie text message and I called her and asked why she was mad at me. She said she didnt want me to leave yet. I came back with I came over and did what we said I would do I tucked you in and then left. She said she knows and she said sorry for the text it just hurt her feelings. I then said well this is what you want and it hurts my feelings that I have to leave at all. I am going not going to make myself available to her as much now because after your post i thought that was smart. She is going to say im hurting her feelings but like you said it will be good if she is missing me. Should I just ignore some of her calls? If i do should I call back later or the next day and say hey I saw that you called or should I just wait for her to call again? We go on winter break from school soon and that is 2 weeks so there will be no way for us to see each other for 2 weeks which I think is good. I may have made an mistake I asked her to spend new years with me. she kind of said yes but have not really gotten a straight answer. Should I wait for her to bring it up again? thanks for your help it means a lot to me Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Good for you MBF! I'm glad to hear you put your feelings first! You see also her reaction - bitchy text message, then, you hurt her feelings. Poor baby. She broke up with you. It's your feelings that matter right now. When/if she calls of course, call her back but not immediately and make it clear to her that she is the one that broke up with you and you would like to get back together but none of this half-way stuff. She is either 100% with you or she is going to have to be 100% without you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mbf5482 Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 She is either will be 100% with em or 100% without me. Is that something I should tell her next time I see her or would that be a bad idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 it's never a good idea to say its all or nothing, especially to someone that is unsure about the relationship,, most likely they will bail on you because of the pressure. Best to play it cool Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 What is happening here is that you are being controlled and manipulated. The "come here, go away" syndrome. She needs your love and adoration, but doesn't respect your needs in return. Just play it aloof with her. Don't reach out to her. the next time she calls, don't pick up and try to not call back for at least 24 hours. You want to appear like you are losing interest in this situation in order to have an impact. Don't bring up New years again. If she asks you to come over SAY YOU HAVE PLANS. Don't give her an ultimatum- your actions will speak louder than words. If you do return her call, be sure to be the one who says you have to go first... BECAUSE YOU HAVE PLANS. Also, don't engage in the games. if you get a bitchy text- it's designed to make you call....that's control, and you're playing into her hand. Pull back, start being busy- she knows she can have you back anytime she wants, and that's NOT the position you want to be in. You want to make her think she's losing you... That's your best hope here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mbf5482 Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 Thank you everyone for your help but I am not going after a second chance anymore. She called me for coffee today and I sad ok Idid not bring up the relationship at all and then she did. She start yelling for stuff in the past. I said lets not talk about this now its only going to cause a fight just calm down. She got up and walked out and we walked to her car I talked to her at her car and she said she did not want to forgive me and wouldnt let her self so i said ok and walked to my car and left. She sent me a message saying "my mistake" meaning we should not of met up. I sent one back that said "just leave me alone because we cant even be friends because friends forgive each other. Please stop messing with my head and let me go." She sent back "if thats what you want" I then I sent "it is what I want becuase I am better then you have made me feel the last few times I have seen you and its time for me to get over it and move on" Thank you again for your help. Im sure I will meet someone soon and need help with some else. I hope it is nothing bad like this and its where to go on a first date mbf Link to post Share on other sites
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