alwyn000 Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 Hi ppl...I'm feeling really devastated rite now. Well, it all started out like this, I met this wonderful gal and eventually got together with her. When shes with me, i feel very happy, n I know she feels the same way too...but theres this problem, she cant forget her ex-boyfriend. Its because that guy dumped her for someone else, worst thing is, she says when shes with me, she would think of him....it really hurts me so when i heard that. To make things worst, that guy still have to cheek to call her again recently...now she feels confused...wat should i do man?? i know theres nuthin in this world that i can do rite? I love her very much that it hurts me deep inside...even as i'm writing this message... I told her that i can wait, or even help her to forget that b*stard, somewhere deep inside me...i know i'm gonna lose her...this feeling is killing me.....!!...hope to hear some advice from u all... thanks.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 You can't help her forget anything. She was not over this guy when she started dating you and that's too bad. When people get ripped in relationships they need to take time to get through the pain and hurt, heal and begin to move on. She obviously did not give herself that luxury and that was not fair to you. You must put your foot down and let her know taking phone calls or communicating in any way with her ex is something you really dislike. If she's going to contact him or take his calls, that's an insult to you and you have no choice but to leave the relationship. Doing this is a very clear indication her thoughts are directed at him and the possibility of restoring that relationship. It's tragic because you are really cheating yourself out of genuine love by being with this gal. No matter how much you think you love her, her heart's not with you...sorry, dude. It may be some time before she's ready to move on. Meanwhile, I think it's rude as hell for her to bring up the subject of her ex while she's with you. It's downright rotten. If you really love her, let her go to do the healing work she needs. Right now, you're not much more than a rebound to her...more clearly translated...that's a sucker. She probably doesn't consciously realize that she's using you but she is. Your relationship with her is flawed and diseased and will remain so until she gets counselling or is able to get through these past issues on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 Well, I only see this one way. You need to make it clear to her that she needs to forget about this guy. Just tell her that you are not liking this and that you will give her time to think about all of this, but you won't be around for long. Tell her that she's never going to get him back, but that guy wants her to think that. Her feelings may change then. If they don't, then she isn't ready for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 She is playing you because she knows you'll be around for her whenever she wants you----don't let her do that! Even if it hurts--(don't let her know it) --tell her you are going to date others and that when she's over this guy that you MIGHT be available. If she cares about you, she'll hurry and get off the pot! If she doesn't, you have moved on. Don't be a doormat! Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted June 20, 2002 Share Posted June 20, 2002 You need to date other people. This will help so that if she chooses to go back to her ex it wont be as painful. This may sound easier said than done. But its the best thing for you. I would start backing off her, easing my way out the door. Eventually she will catch that your not giving her the attention you normally do and will question you. Thats when you tell her that shes just not over her ex b/f or the r/s she had with him. That its self is enough to move on because you don't want to be apart of her & her ex b/f anymore. Thats all you can do and the others have given you the best advice you will ever need. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwyn000 Posted June 21, 2002 Author Share Posted June 21, 2002 Thanks ppl, for all the advice n opinions...really appreciate it. I went out with her yesterday, n asked her...or rather pressured her on wat she feels abt me, coz theres this inevitable urge to find out, thou pressurizing would most often be most inappropriate. Then she told me that when shes with me...she thinks abt him, coz it brings back memories of her n her ex when they were still together. But when shes with him, she also thinks of me..... Well, i've been with her only for abt a month or so, thats little as compared to her ex. She told me she needs time to 'cool' down...not to think abt anythin. I asked her whether she would go back to him, (which i think thats possible) she says she dont know. So I held her hand for the last time yesterday n told her next time when shes ready for me, she will hold my hand next time we go out, I will not hold her hand any more...for now... Right now i guess we are jus frens...till she can choose to let go of the past and accept me. I guess it depends on fate now n wat I can do is jus wait..... Link to post Share on other sites
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