monogamy... my girlfriend is going away for three weeks

[ChampionSound]

I have been dating a girl for about two and a half months. We have been boyfriend/girlfriend for about a month or so. She is about to leave the country for three weeks to visit family and friends....

 

One of the friends she is going to visit she hasn't seen in four years - I asked if it was an ex-boyfriend, and she hesitated and thought about it for a long while before saying 'no, not really'. Which I take to mean that they probably had an FWB situation, at the least.

 

I do like her an awful lot - more than anyone I've met in quite a while. We had some problems and just about broke up last week, but we're back and stronger than before now. She says that she isn't interested in being with anyone but me... however, I know for my part, I'm still tempted to have sex with other girls. Mostly it is just where I'm at - I'm so used to being in 'sowing my oats' mode, it seems hard to get out of that. The other aspect is that she plans to return to her home country in April, possibly never to return.

 

So what's wrong with a little extra-curricular sex, when she's in another country? First, I don't want to hurt her, or lose her. I don't think she would find out, but I can feel her intuition is pretty strong. I don't want to trade what I have with her for a few meaningless nights of sex with other people. But on the other hand, I'm sure we'll both encounter situations where we'll be tempted to fool around. Even last week, when we had our problem, she gave her phone number to some guy at a bar we were at when I wasn't nearby. She apologized, and told me she is blocking his calls now, but I take it as her being unsure if she wants to be with me or not.

 

So, given all that... Am I hurting her and myself by messing around a bit while she is gone? Or given the circumstances, is it understandable?

[Pyro]

I have been dating a girl for about two and a half months. We have been boyfriend/girlfriend for about a month or so. She is about to leave the country for three weeks to visit family and friends....

 

One of the friends she is going to visit she hasn't seen in four years - I asked if it was an ex-boyfriend, and she hesitated and thought about it for a long while before saying 'no, not really'. Which I take to mean that they probably had an FWB situation, at the least.

 

I do like her an awful lot - more than anyone I've met in quite a while. We had some problems and just about broke up last week, but we're back and stronger than before now. She says that she isn't interested in being with anyone but me... however, I know for my part, I'm still tempted to have sex with other girls. Mostly it is just where I'm at - I'm so used to being in 'sowing my oats' mode, it seems hard to get out of that. The other aspect is that she plans to return to her home country in April, possibly never to return.

 

So what's wrong with a little extra-curricular sex, when she's in another country? First, I don't want to hurt her, or lose her. I don't think she would find out, but I can feel her intuition is pretty strong. I don't want to trade what I have with her for a few meaningless nights of sex with other people. But on the other hand, I'm sure we'll both encounter situations where we'll be tempted to fool around. Even last week, when we had our problem, she gave her phone number to some guy at a bar we were at when I wasn't nearby. She apologized, and told me she is blocking his calls now, but I take it as her being unsure if she wants to be with me or not.

 

So, given all that... Am I hurting her and myself by messing around a bit while she is gone? Or given the circumstances, is it understandable?

 

No offense, but it sounds like neither one of you is ready to be monogamous toward each other. Sounds like you would both be better off single.

[justagirliegirl]

If your relationship is so open, why not just ask her if she is ok with you sleeping with other girls while she is gone.

[VandGsMom]

Are you even serious??

 

Barring that this may be some sort of a joke...

 

She is visiting an ex bf our of the country, a country that she will be going back to shortly...

You are thinking of boinking other girls all the time, and really don't see the harm in it...

 

What kind of relationship is this?? Where do yall live, Utah?

 

Just break the damn thing off and be FWB if some semi-monogomous (meaning at least with each other but more than likely other people too) sex is all you are looking forward to for a couple months...

 

Good lord.

[ChampionSound]

If your relationship is so open, why not just ask her if she is ok with you sleeping with other girls while she is gone.

 

Because I'm being selfish. I don't want to see her with other guys. It's not pretty, but it's the truth. I know we will talk about this before she leaves. I am capable of waiting the three weeks for her, and I know that the parts of me that don't want to are the parts that think about ME FIRST. Please don't make me out to be a bad man though... I know that this is a common problem with guys. Isn't there even a saying like 'when shes in another area code it doesn't count'. Which I guess is the same as saying 'when you have been drinking it doesn't count'... which are both completely lame and avoid the truth of the situation, I guess...

[VandGsMom]

...,which are both completely lame and avoid the truth of the situation, I guess...

 

Mmmm Hmmm......

 

*ding ding ding*

We have a winner!!

[ChampionSound]

What kind of relationship is this?? Where do yall live, Utah?

 

Hahaha. Yeah, does it sound that bad? Jeez. You tell me.... how do I make it right then? I haven't actually slept with anyone else since we first started dating. And I'm capable of not doing it. Which would be considered more normal right? But given her actions to date, I mean... am I wasting my time by choosing to be faithful while she's gone?

[justagirliegirl]

Because I'm being selfish. I don't want to see her with other guys. It's not pretty, but it's the truth. I know we will talk about this before she leaves. I am capable of waiting the three weeks for her, and I know that the parts of me that don't want to are the parts that think about ME FIRST. Please don't make me out to be a bad man though... I know that this is a common problem with guys. Isn't there even a saying like 'when shes in another area code it doesn't count'. Which I guess is the same as saying 'when you have been drinking it doesn't count'... which are both completely lame and avoid the truth of the situation, I guess...

 

Sorry, I don't buy the "because I'm male" excuse.

 

Just break up with her and avoid having serious relationships. Problem solved. Everyone happy then.

[VandGsMom]

I mean... am I wasting my time by choosing to be faithful while she's gone?

 

Well what will you have lost but your self respect and a potentially wonderful relatonship by keeping it in your pants and waiting 3 weeks to find that out?

[ChampionSound]

Sorry, I don't buy the "because I'm male" excuse.

 

Just break up with her and avoid having serious relationships. Problem solved. Everyone happy then.

 

yeah, well... I can't spend my WHOLE life running around carefree and bachelor-like. I do want the lessons that a responsible, dedicated relationship can provide. And I've had a few before. This could be a great opportunity to break that cycle. The thing is, I might be overshooting, considering the circumstances.

[alphamale]

So, given all that... Am I hurting her and myself by messing around a bit while she is gone? Or given the circumstances, is it understandable?

CS...do whatever you want. You've only been seeing her for a few wks. You're not married and she may return home permanently.

[Guest]

I know we will talk about this before she leaves. I am capable of waiting the three weeks for her

 

Jesus, this was the deal breaker for me.

 

My question is:

 

Would you want to have sex with other women if she was here? Because if you're trying to use 3 weeks of no sex as an excuse, you have no willpower at all. To me it sounds like you just want to keep spreading them oats or whatever.

 

Personally, I don't believe in monogamy... at all. But I have been away from my girlfriend for several months without "cheating" on her. Why? Well, it's really not that hard to keep it in your pants. And I've honestly had very little desire to do be with other women because I do admire my girlfriend quite a bit.

 

Secondly, whatever you have planned on the side probably won't come into fruition. There aren't too many girls I know who are waiting for a guy's girlfriend to leave to sleep with them. There's something about being someone's B list that isn't appealing.

 

This could be a great opportunity to break that cycle. The thing is, I might be overshooting, considering the circumstances.

 

What circumstances? If you can't control yourself for 3 weeks than god help you in any relationship. On the other hand if you're concerned about her leaving in April, you can't give an honest attempt for a few months. Sound like you're waiting for a life with a broken-marriage and a mid-life crisis. Your life plan seems to be do get by with impersonal sex relations in the early part of your life while you can, get a career and a wife, and somehow be happy in that situation as well. Let me tell you buddy, until you get over spreading them oats don't start a monagomous relationship.

 

Lastly, do girls find your simple thinking attractive?

 

I agree, do what you want, but if I was a girl I wouldn't want anything to do with you. What is more unattractive than a guy who's stupid?