I love her too much to tell her.

[how_soon_is_now]

Wow. I just stumbled upon this forum, and it's been very therapuetic for me, you might say. I normally don't prefer to talk about myself a whole lot, but since none of you can see my face, I figured, what the hell...

 

First, a little bit of background. I'm 17, almost 18 years old. I've never been in a romantic relationship; in fact, I'm embarrased to admit that I've never even kissed a girl (no, I haven't kissed any guys either).

 

For much of my childhood, my family moved from place to place, so I had no constant friends. I buried myself in academics. Finally, in 9th grade, we settled down and I've been fortunate to attend the same high school for 4 years. Still, it wasn't until junior year when I got my big break. Now as a senior, I hesitate to say it (but it's true) that I have become one of the big men on campus. Our school news program, the school paper, each and every theater production - I'm on the inside, and almost everyone knows me somehow or another. It's a bit of a jarring change from the person I was 2 years ago, reclused and shut out. I've adapted quite well, I suspect, and my instinctive shyness that I still carry actually works well in the "Law of Scarcity" scenario - in other words, people think I'm cooler than I think I might be. I feel a little "unwell", you could say, like the Matchbox Twenty song.

 

Anywho, that long rambling paragraph basically sums up to this: I'm popular (though not by choice), and I could very reasonably have my pick of numerous girls.

 

Sometimes I wish I was one of those "jerks", who girls hate, but they always get what they want. Still, I know that's not who I am, nor who I want to be.

 

Again, I'm trailing off, but please, stay with me.

 

My situation is this: There's this girl that I really really like, to put it mildly. We've worked together in theater for the past year. She's had a boyfriend or two in the past, I know, but she's not the type of girl who's out looking for a "trophy" guy. Meanwhile, I've got around 5 other girls who have expressed interest in me (not directly), but I can tell that they only are interested in me for my apparent social status or good looks. But this girl is different. I know I'm just 17, but I think she's actually someone I could marry. Far out, right? Guys thinking about marriage. But her and I, we've almost developed a "work first, personal last" relationship. You could say we flirt a bit, and are very coy with each other. It's hard to really put into words everything that makes her...her. But here's the kicker.

 

After she broke up with her most recent boyfriend a few months ago, we were working on an enormous school theatrical production. We also volunteered together at a children's theater over the summer. I've never felt up to prying into other folks business, even if it's just casual conversation. But I heard her say that she was just "sick of all guys". Which is understandable, coming off a break-up.

 

She talks about "cute" guys sometimes, and how she has "something to look at during class", refering to other guys. This kills me, and I well up with jealousy everytime, because I realize that she's not the type of girl who would settle for simply a "cute" guy.

 

We started working closely together, both in theater and outside, on a few projects. Editing a slideshow for our cast party one day, I caught her glancing at me multiple times. During the course of our show, she was talking to one of her friends backstage, looking at me, and comment that "I'm going to marry him." She even succeeded in getting me alone one day for almost half-an-hour, but I was too paranoid to do anything but act charming and joke around. Since we finished the show, I've still overheard her telling her friends about me in class (at least I think/hope that it's me).

 

My problem - and I'm not neccessarily asking for a solution - is my paranoia. I'm almost sure she likes me, even loves me - but I'm afraid to tell her that I feel the same way, because...what if I'm mistaken? It scares the **** outta me, and it's like we're holding onto a vision of ideal relationships, too afraid to move forward and take the chance. That, and I've never even asked a girl out - so it's especially hard for me to even comprehend telling a girl that I like her. I've forced myself to fly solo all these years because I'm afraid of screwing up, but now it's coming back and tugging me at the heart.

 

Oh, and I'm afraid of telling anyone I know that I like her, because I've done it before, and the girl found out and blew me off. That's why I've written all this here.

 

Long-winded rant aside.....

 

What should I do?

[Pyro]

Wow. I just stumbled upon this forum, and it's been very therapuetic for me, you might say. I normally don't prefer to talk about myself a whole lot, but since none of you can see my face, I figured, what the hell...

 

First, a little bit of background. I'm 17, almost 18 years old. I've never been in a romantic relationship; in fact, I'm embarrased to admit that I've never even kissed a girl (no, I haven't kissed any guys either).

 

For much of my childhood, my family moved from place to place, so I had no constant friends. I buried myself in academics. Finally, in 9th grade, we settled down and I've been fortunate to attend the same high school for 4 years. Still, it wasn't until junior year when I got my big break. Now as a senior, I hesitate to say it (but it's true) that I have become one of the big men on campus. Our school news program, the school paper, each and every theater production - I'm on the inside, and almost everyone knows me somehow or another. It's a bit of a jarring change from the person I was 2 years ago, reclused and shut out. I've adapted quite well, I suspect, and my instinctive shyness that I still carry actually works well in the "Law of Scarcity" scenario - in other words, people think I'm cooler than I think I might be. I feel a little "unwell", you could say, like the Matchbox Twenty song.

 

Anywho, that long rambling paragraph basically sums up to this: I'm popular (though not by choice), and I could very reasonably have my pick of numerous girls.

 

Sometimes I wish I was one of those "jerks", who girls hate, but they always get what they want. Still, I know that's not who I am, nor who I want to be.

 

Again, I'm trailing off, but please, stay with me.

 

My situation is this: There's this girl that I really really like, to put it mildly. We've worked together in theater for the past year. She's had a boyfriend or two in the past, I know, but she's not the type of girl who's out looking for a "trophy" guy. Meanwhile, I've got around 5 other girls who have expressed interest in me (not directly), but I can tell that they only are interested in me for my apparent social status or good looks. But this girl is different. I know I'm just 17, but I think she's actually someone I could marry. Far out, right? Guys thinking about marriage. But her and I, we've almost developed a "work first, personal last" relationship. You could say we flirt a bit, and are very coy with each other. It's hard to really put into words everything that makes her...her. But here's the kicker.

 

After she broke up with her most recent boyfriend a few months ago, we were working on an enormous school theatrical production. We also volunteered together at a children's theater over the summer. I've never felt up to prying into other folks business, even if it's just casual conversation. But I heard her say that she was just "sick of all guys". Which is understandable, coming off a break-up.

 

She talks about "cute" guys sometimes, and how she has "something to look at during class", refering to other guys. This kills me, and I well up with jealousy everytime, because I realize that she's not the type of girl who would settle for simply a "cute" guy.

 

We started working closely together, both in theater and outside, on a few projects. Editing a slideshow for our cast party one day, I caught her glancing at me multiple times. During the course of our show, she was talking to one of her friends backstage, looking at me, and comment that "I'm going to marry him." She even succeeded in getting me alone one day for almost half-an-hour, but I was too paranoid to do anything but act charming and joke around. Since we finished the show, I've still overheard her telling her friends about me in class (at least I think/hope that it's me).

 

My problem - and I'm not neccessarily asking for a solution - is my paranoia. I'm almost sure she likes me, even loves me - but I'm afraid to tell her that I feel the same way, because...what if I'm mistaken? It scares the **** outta me, and it's like we're holding onto a vision of ideal relationships, too afraid to move forward and take the chance. That, and I've never even asked a girl out - so it's especially hard for me to even comprehend telling a girl that I like her. I've forced myself to fly solo all these years because I'm afraid of screwing up, but now it's coming back and tugging me at the heart.

 

Oh, and I'm afraid of telling anyone I know that I like her, because I've done it before, and the girl found out and blew me off. That's why I've written all this here.

 

Long-winded rant aside.....

 

What should I do?

 

First thing that you need to do is relax. Sounds like you think too much. Life is about taking risks sometimes. I would say go for it. The best result: you have yourself a GF. The worst result: she turns you down, but guess what? There are lots and lots of women out there. You will have plenty of opportunities in your life.

[BabyPhoenix]

Long-winded rant aside.....

 

What should I do?

 

First, let me say that I understand your feelings, and I don't invalidate them just because of your age. I believe it when you say you love her.

 

Yes, it would be nice and romantic to get down on one knee and profess your love. However, my hunch is that would just scare the h3ll out of her.

 

So why not just go the normal route of asking her out for coffee, and actually dating her? This way, you can get to know her on a more intimate level, and evaluate for yourself by what she says to you, and her actions - if she feels similarly. Remember, she may like you a lot, but may never have considered you as a boyfriend or potential lover. By dating, you give her the opportunity to get to know you, and perhaps fall in love with you. And just to flip the coin, you may find that after dating her for a while, she may not be the woman of your dreams. There may be things you don’t find so compatible after all.

 

To sum up, take it slow. Ask her out. Start dating. Let things develop naturally, and take it from there. And most of all, don’t let your overwhelming feelings cloud your judgment.

 

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

What should I do?

 

Simple. Slowly move yourself closer to her. Build something special. Be a man -Not a sourpuss. Ask her out.

 

You either start at 17 or 35 years of age.

 

The only difference is that IF you start at 17 you may be lucky enough to have her as a girlfriend [ -wife, even] til you're 35 years old!

 

Time is the key factor.

 

Good Luck.

Sand&Water

[monkey00]

I think you just need to give yourself some incentive to ask her out.

Whether or not she rejects, at least 10 years from now you wont be wondering what could've happened if you would have made your move. sometimes in life it's better to take risks than having that hanging guilt feeling of "What if?" in the back of your head.

 

I know because at times i still have regrets. But regardless you cant go back into the past and change things. only your present and future.

[engravefeelthevoid]

hey man...a good way to tell a girl u love her with keeping your distance and friendship is the following:

 

-tell her a day earlier that you wanna tell her a secret.

-at that day keep silent and dont bring it up...let her think about what it is.

-a day after, when u see her, go tell her that u got 3 stuff to tell her (school, friends) and the third one is that u have mixed feelings right now

-shes gonna go silent, then tell her theres this girl u feel really good when ur around and that shes great, then tell her not to tell anyone, when she asks who...tell her it's her.

-if she really likes you then it'll all go great.

 

 

remember to laugh while ur talking...and tell her that in all cases friends or closer is all good....and if she starts to back up...PUSH...go after her..sit with her as if u guys are friends like before...

 

good luck plz tell me what happens with you

[how_soon_is_now]

Well, I'm taking all of your suggestions into consideration. Thanks for the replies so far.

 

Update: I arrived to Drama class late today (as usual), and she had deliberately positioned herself near where I normally sit. Later, she was sitting by herself while the class was listening playing some karaoke love song...and I still didn't have the balls to go and tell her.

 

 

I'm fully aware of the stereotypical high school relationship and what that entails, and that's the last thing I'm looking for. It's just that I can never find the "perfect" time or place to tell her.