in regards to cold feet...

[Guest]

Just because I seem to be in this situation, has anyone ever lost their SO due to cold feet. In my case, he was nervous of the future because both our families are filled with divorce, and to add to that he wasn't sure if i was 'the one' because we both have never dated other ppl (been together 5 1/2 years since high school), coupled with the fact that he had the curiosity (which i found out after the fact) that he wanted to be in relationships with other people to see how they'd influence him. The whole thing seems ridiculous to me and painful at that. But, i just wanted to see if anyone has experience or heard of anything like this happening...i don't want to be imagining this all lol. thanks for your time.

[bab]

I'm confused, have were the two of you engaged and now have broken up?

 

I have not been in your situation, but I do know what your bf means about being afraid because of divorce in the family. I was the same way. I remember getting a bit nervous before we got married and I was expressing this to my friends, and nobody could relate. I realized later that all of their parents were still together, so they probably couldn't relate. What I did to combat my fear was to really put some time and effort into ensuring that we were making a smart decision. We talked about our differences, our life goals and how to align them, what our financial goals were (an how to accomplish them). We talked about how we would deal with infidelity, how many kids we want, how we want to raise them. And on and on. Before he even proposed, I really knew what I was agreeing to if I said yes. All the life planning really helped. One of the things that helped put my mind at ease was we agreed that if either of us ever wanted to go to marriage counseling the other would agree to go no questions asked. Still with all the planning and effort we put into our relationship, there are no guarantees in life. I think that because I've been through my parents divorce as a child I do not take our relationship for granted and am concious about putting in effort to make it work. The two of you could change the "scariness" of the failed marriages in your families to your advantage.

 

About dating other people. Hmmmm.... I can see how the curiousity would be there, but of course I wouldn't want to end a relationship with someone I loved because of it. I am only my H's second gf and he didn't seem to think he missed out.

 

I'm unsure what actions your bf took, but if he actually left, there might be other reasons. If the reasons are legit, then talk to him about the suggestions I gave in the above paragraph. If he still wants to take some time away from you, then since the two of you have been together for 5 1/2 years, then he should know pretty quickly what it's like to be without you. I would suggest not talking to him at all during this time. And you don't know for sure that he will come back, so try to move on with your life. Let him know that he can't have it both ways. Either he is with you or he is not.