tinktronik Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 My H and i normally get along well. We are going on 6 years together soon and have had mostly minimal problems as to date. Lately though we can't seem to stop bickering even though weve been seeing less and less of each other . Our work scheduals have differed so that we are working opposite shifts and don't see each other till late if at all. It encouraged him to pick up work to bring home , he loves his work . Since he was not around durring the morning , I started doing hobbies and what not at home also . At this point we have started arguing basically about the other being in our space or way when they are home because we have both bascially gotten used to living in the same house at different times . We have also began to argue about each other leaving stuff around or getting housework done . Anyway we finnally had a blow-out about my stuff not being organized and such so.............. I packed up all my stuff from around the house scoured the livingroom kitchen, all the extra rooms we both used down to just the stuff that we both use there . And I moved into the extra bedroom . He's really pissed ,says its irrational for me to basically move out into the other part of the house . i think maybe some space and being out of each others way will make us both more appriciative of each other . I know this is probably not the "anwser" but I'm sick of the bickering , sick of little jabs about my stuff being out of place , maybe its not where he wants it , but its fine with me . If he does not like the way I clean up then we can both use just our own rooms and clean the rest of the house as it comes along . And now we both have somewhere we can go and have some privacy and stay out of each others way . Anybody else done this ?how did it work out? Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 In my case when this happened the relationship was on it's way out. It's now over. Link to post Share on other sites
BareGoddess Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Did you just move your stuff or are you also sleeping in separate rooms? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 Did you just move your stuff or are you also sleeping in separate rooms? sleeping seperatly also. Link to post Share on other sites
BareGoddess Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 sleeping seperatly also. Oh I wasn't clear on that. That's not good, Tink. My H and I have had this same issue. He's got a little OCD-like behavior and I'm just not very organized. I've gotten much better though. You have to sit down together and talk about what you each expect from each other and work towards giving each other what you each need. Moving out of bedroom won't solve anything. In fact I think just the opposite. It will divide you two even more. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 I did this at the end of my marriage with my H. It got to the point where I just couldn't stand living with him on any level and we stopped hanging out or doing things together in our spare time, and then we just floated away from each other (in retrospect. during the process there was a lot of bickering about random bullcrap). Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 sleeping seperatly also. is someone besides hubby sleeping with you? yea, and I agree with B_0 above, same thing happened to me Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 is someone besides hubby sleeping with you? yea, and I agree with B_0 above, same thing happened to me I was going to ask the same question. If she was, she would not tell us. ] Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 is someone besides hubby sleeping with you? yea, and I agree with B_0 above, same thing happened to meYeah , Alpha, sometimes steve sleeps with me , oh wait though , hes a cat so that does not really count does it? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Yeah , Alpha, sometimes steve sleeps with me , oh wait though , hes a cat so that does not really count does it? doe cynthia ever sleep with you? I bet money should would. Just ask nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 doe cynthia ever sleep with you? I bet money should would. Just ask nicely. She has slept with me , but she has bad habits . Sometimes i'll wake late in the night and she'll have her nose pressed against mine and be in my face . its like that bad movie where she minght try to steal my breath . So maybe I'll ask her to sleep with me again, and I'll ask nicely. Oh , and i would tell if someone else wee sleeping with ,me. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 oh har dee har har Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 so who picks the fights? both of you? Or is there a disparity and one picks more fights than the other? he's always been a workaholic, though, right? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 doe cynthia ever sleep with you? I bet money should would. Just ask nicely. Who is cynthia? Is that your other pet? If either cynthia or tinktronik needs a beed to keep warm, I have room here at my place. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 That's not really a good sign. When my former fiancee and I moved in together, we each had a room that was just our own to use as an office space or whatever, and we shared a bedroom and the rest of the house. At some point, I started spending more and more time in "my" room and less and less time in the rest of the house. I know I was constantly annoyed with him; don't know how annoyed he was with me. In any case, it was the beginning of the end - getting away into my room, turned into wanting my own apartment and breaking off the engagement. It sounds like you two need to reconnect and appreciate each other, not get further apart. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 It sounds like you two need to reconnect and appreciate each other, not get further apart. This is good advice. Any way to reconnect? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 so who picks the fights? both of you? Or is there a disparity and one picks more fights than the other? he's always been a workaholic, though, right? it seems like he picks the little fights , like . "i don't want to cook theres dishes in the sink ...blah blah , thats a disgusting habit , ." and i blow up..." Like well when was the last time you did dishes or cooked , you have your own habits that i don't like but Im not on your as* about them all the time" So thats how it goes . And yes he's always been a workaholic . But its more like anytime Im home hes already wrapped up in work and resents any distraction. i don't think this is the end of our R , i just need my own space where i don't have to deal with anyone else trying to dictate where my stuff goes or how often i clean up or how i clean up . Ect . We stopped sleeping comfortably together lately , I think because we just have not been seeing eye to eye and I get in after he is in bed anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 . It sounds like you two need to reconnect and appreciate each other, not get further apart. I agree , but how to break the habit of taking each other for granted ? I thought I'd just stay out of his way for a while . However after moving all of my stuff into one room , the rest of the house looks completely boring , like a bachelor pad actually . Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 However after moving all of my stuff into one room , the rest of the house looks completely boring , like a bachelor pad actually . And I'll bet your one room looks extremely girly. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 And I'll bet your one room looks extremely girly. yea its prolly all pink and frilly with stuffed animals... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 And I'll bet your one room looks extremely girly. not girly , artsy actually . Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 This is good advice. Any way to reconnect? I'd recommend doing things together outside the house, to start with...neutral territory, so to speak. Going out on dates to remember why you enjoyed spending time together to begin with. I'd also recommend talking about your future goals - start with talking about what you two want, assess where you are, make plans for what you need to do to get there. Point being, if you can get excited your joint goals, and understand your individual goals, then you can be 1) more understanding of why you're both so immersed in your work or other activities, and 2) more unified because you are working together toward something that's important for the both of you. Show each other appreciation every day for something - anything - the other person does. Remind him why you love him, thank him for doing small things, tell him how handsome you think he is, tell him how lucky you feel to have him in your life, how happy you are to be together. The little bits of appreciation add up, and once one of you starts to show it, the other will naturally follow. If you're having issues with the housework, it's time to sit down and make a list of all the things that need to be done on a weekly or monthly basis, sort out who will do what, and post it on the fridge. Agree on what things don't need to be done consistently too - determine what each of you can live with in terms of clutter. Move back into the bedroom as soon as possible! That's the #1 thing that will just create more and more distance if you allow yourselves to separate like that. There's a great comfort in sleeping with someone who loves you - take that away, and the rest of the relationship suffers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinktronik Posted December 3, 2006 Author Share Posted December 3, 2006 yea its prolly all pink and frilly with stuffed animals... Sounds really gross . Nope . Ive got my black and white prints , my big aztec mirror , african jug vases, sterling picture franes , and my Indian wall hanging , wooden bowls from mexico...ect , in fact I don't think I own one pink thing. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 ...in fact I don't think I own one pink thing. No kidding? I thought all women had at least one pink thing. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 No kidding? I thought all women had at least one pink thing. Nope. Some women have at least one purple thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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