Is it really about unmet needs!

[NoIDidn't]

And what's that got to do with anything?

 

Frannie,

 

Maybe this little gem was overlooked. This was his answer to norajane's question about the OW's needs. Would you really want this guy over on OW/OM forum? All he is going to do is b*tch about his W. Or is that what you want to happen?

[Ladyjane14]

What does AIDS have to do with anything?

 

I noticed this seems to be a big topic all of a sudden... sleep with a new person GET AIDS. Well, that goes for sleeping with ANY new partner, whoever they are.

 

Unless you're talking about sleeping around with no concern for the sexual health of those you're sleeping with, this is irrelevant where relationships are concerned.

 

Having AN affair does not constitute 'sleeping around'.

 

Are you kidding me???

Seriously. You think AIDS is an urban myth or something?

 

The bottom line is that IF a married person is still having sexual contact with their spouse, they are exposing them to any number of potential contagions WITHOUT their consent.

 

I find it absolutely appalling that anybody could approve of that. Do you honestly think that 'failure to cherish' warrents what is essentially the rape of another person? It's tantamount to germ warfare.

 

Two wrongs don't make a right. 'Unmet needs' and 'adultery' aren't equal sins in terms of actual physical risk.

[NoIDidn't]

LJ

 

I agree with you, but it comes off to the OW/OM that we think they are the ones with AIDS and the like.

 

You don't have to sleep around to get a disease. Herpes can lie dormant for practically a decade without the carrier knowing, yet passing it on. How many betrayeds I've seen that found out that way? Its sobering.

 

Having an affair does indeed constitute sleeping around when you vowed not to do so. But this is what gets under my skin. Where does the OW/OM get off talking about who is not doing the cherishing and loving when they are with the person who is not doing either?

 

Is it cherishing and loving to cheat on your mate? Is it cherishing and loving to lie to your mate? How exactly does cheating cherish your mate? Or are you saying that the MM/MW that cheats is really immature and doing a tit-for-tat?

 

That argument doesn't hold water. Especially not coming from the cheater/cheater's helper. That goes back to the original post as it stands as a COP OUT!!! Justification and rationalization at their worst!

[SueBee3490]

What does AIDS have to do with anything?

 

I noticed this seems to be a big topic all of a sudden... sleep with a new person GET AIDS. Well, that goes for sleeping with ANY new partner, whoever they are.

 

Unless you're talking about sleeping around with no concern for the sexual health of those you're sleeping with, this is irrelevant where relationships are concerned.

 

Having AN affair does not constitute 'sleeping around'.

 

Here's my 2 cents on this and exactly why my H is kicked to the curb (on top of everything else he did!)

 

While dating my H, we used condoms at first then when we were serious and in a committed/monogamous relationship, we didn't use condoms - I was on the pill though.

 

I didn't know he was screwing around on me and when I found out, I questioned the woman he screwed while engaged to me. She said they used protection "part of the time." I blew up because he didn't even know if she was married or not, seeing anyone else, etc. I think she met up with as many as she could find on the internet. Then to go have unprotected sex with her and come to me, not even respecting or loving me enough to use a condom with me since I didn't know he was cheating is just rotten.

 

He's pretty low and yes AIDS is a real threat. On top of this my H knew that my 3 childrens' father passed away from leukemia so basically I'm all they have. I do not take stupid chances with life and having sex with someone you don't know anything about is one of them, not only might you contact AIDS but there's a whole host of other diseases out there.

[Ladyjane14]

 

I agree with you, but it comes off to the OW/OM that we think they are the ones with AIDS and the like.

 

Hey, it goes both ways. But at least OW/OM are aware of the risk they're taking and can make an informed decision on protecting themselves.

 

Like SueBee, this was the deal-breaker for a friend of mine. She never had a choice in assessing the risks. And like SueBee, she's a concerned mother who wouldn't have taken a chance on orphaning her kids or becoming otherwise incapacitated.

 

Great post, btw... SueBee. Your story really adds a human touch to the discussion.

[SueBee3490]

Thanks Ladyjane.

 

You know my H said the same thing as some posters on here say - in that anyone can get AIDS from anyone else.

 

As you pointed out though, these people who date and don't use protection, know what risk is involved. I guess I was stupid in that I trusted the man I loved and really didn't think he was the type to cheat so I let down my guard and had sex with him without protection. If he wanted to have sex with other women and not use protection, that's his choice but when he then came and had sex with me and we didn't use protection because I thought he was faithful, well that was one of the many deal-breakers for me.