All comes down to this

[MeeDee23]

For almost 3 years, my girlfriend and I have never had any issues that we confronted and everything seemed to be going well (I know this is not good). Anyway we both graduated college earlier this year and now she is in law school and I am starting my career.

 

Two weeks ago she said we needed to take time apart....which basically sounded like a breakup to me. Since then I have not had any contact with her and have done everything I can to improve myself. I understand myself and our relationship a lot better and see things that were lacking that could easily be done better on my part. She is about to start final exams and I thought we wouldn't be speaking at all until after she was done with those.

 

I recently received a message from her being casual and asking things like:

"how's it going?"

"I hope you are doing alright"

"I'd like to meet up so we can talk soon"

"had a lot of time to think about things since we've been apart"

 

From my perspective, this might be some sort of setup for her to close our relationship. My problem is that she doesn't know anything about how I have changed in the mean time. I know most people here will say to just accept it and move on. This girl means the world to me and I don't think our first major DOUBT in our relationship should be the end. People can lose that "flame" but an eye-opening experience like this also can be a saving factor if the two are willing to work at it.

 

Keep in mind I really want to stay with this girl. Please give me advice other than "move on" as to ways to approach this. Thanks so much for your help.

[norajane]

You want to show her you've changed? Then agree to meet her to talk. Ask her what's been on her mind. If she says she wants to break up, tell her that you want her to be happy, and if she believes that will make her happy, you'll respect her decision.

 

After you tell her that, she'll relax a bit if break-up is what was on her mind. If she's expecting a scene, and you don't make it one, then you're already on stronger footing.

 

Then tell her you'd like to understand what her concerns were about your relationship, what she's been thinking about. LISTEN to what she says and discuss it with her in a mature way. Tell her when she's right about something. Tell her you respectfully disagree, or that you see things differently when you don't agree with her. Tell her that you've also given things a lot of thought and share your thoughts with her.

 

Don't get defensive, don't go on the offensive. Don't be whiny, don't beg, don't do anything except behave like an adult. Be confident that you're a great person, that she's a great person, and if it isn't going to work out, it just means you're not right for each other.

[hollywood24]

I would agree with the above poster. Don't act clingy, don't "tell her how you feel" just agree with her and listen. Tell her everything is going to be fine (if the specific time/conversation calls for it) etc, this shows that you can still take control, AND that you have confidence in yourself, which is THE MOST important thing. MAKE HER WANT YOU AGAIN! Re-create that attraction. You can do it, you did it before, that is why you were together in the first place.