jealous over small things

[kiara107]

I guess I should start from the beginning. My boyfriend , 8 mos. daughter and I recently moved from Ca. to Florida. Since we have been here I have been very homesick. All of my family is in Ca. Lately I have been getting very jealous and suspicious of my boyfriend for no apparent reason. When he goes anywhere I always throw a billion questions at him and try to see if he is lying to me. When I am at work or in bed he uses the internet a lot and chats with all women, and downloads porn. I know all this because I check the history on the computer, his email, his buddy list, downloads of girls pictures, and he even has adds on dating services. I don't think he goes any further then the internet . I hate to be jealous. i never was jealous before we moved. I don't know if it is because I don't have much of a life out here and I have nothing else to do. I know I shouldn't be going as far as checking his emails but I can't stop. It's almost like I want to catch him doing something wrong. Don't get me wrong other than that we have a great relationship. We get along wonderful and we have an awesome sex life. When we are together we have the best time. Please if anybody has any advice for me let me know.

[Tony T]

You have a great relationship...yeah, right!!!

 

YOU WROTE THIS IN YOUR POST: "When I am at work or in bed he uses the internet a lot and chats with all women, and downloads porn. I know all this because I check the history on the computer, his email, his buddy list, downloads of girls pictures, and he even has adds on dating services."

 

Jealous...suspicious??? Wow, you have selected the EXACT reactions I would have if I were in your place. Good work. Then you say your feelings are "for no apparent reason." DUH, I think you have significant and very excellent reasons for feeling the way you do. Where do you get this "for no apparent reason" stuff???

 

This is a guy you have a great relationship with??? What you have is the illusion of a great relationship because you are kidding yourself, lady. Man is the only animal on the planet capable of deluding itself. There is no other animal in the world that fools itself into thinking something is there when it isn't.

 

Your guy is advertising for girls on Internet dating services???!!! Your guy chats with other women on the computer???!!! I'm sorry, but if he had any regard for his relationship with you or respect for you he wouldn't do these things.

 

You have every right to be homesick and you should be saving your money to return to California. This guy is not on your team at all. I'd urge you to talk to him but do you know how crazy the talk would be...it would go something like this.

 

You: "Honey, we have got to make our relationship better. Would you consider not advertising yourself on the Internet dating sites."

 

Him: "Oh, sure darling, I won't do that anymore. When the ads run out, I just won't put them up again."

 

You: "Honey, do you think you could stop chatting with those ladies on the Internet."

 

Him: "Well, honey, they are my friends and since you are asleep I see no harm in that. But one day when I get really serious with one of them I'll let you know so you can be prepared."

 

You: "Oh, thank you, that's really considerate of you dear.

 

Him: "Well, if your OK with everything, let's go to the bedroom and have the great sex we always have. I need to get it over with so I can get back to the computer and download more porn so I can get excited again next time."

 

You: "Wow, I'm always so happy that you are attracted to me and have awesome sex with me. Of course we can do that now so you can go answer your personal ads on the dating services and get more porn."

 

What a rotten bum!!! If this is your definition of a great relationship, then more power to you. But what he is doing to you and right in front of you is sickening and wouldn't be acceptable to 99.9999999999999999999999 percent of the women in this world. Even abused women and women from highly dysfunctional families wouldn't tolerate this.

 

My assessment is that your guy has a serious sex addicition. Use a good search engine such as http://www.google.com and enter "sex addition" in the search field and press "find." You will find many sites that may give you help on dealing with this aspect of your boyfriend. Dowloading porn and saving it on his hard drive for later viewing, talking to girls on the Internet and placing personal ads on dating sites by a guy who is in a "committed" relationship is highly typical of a sex addict.

 

If I had your address (and I live in the same city you do), I'd send you and your child a ticket back to California. This is not going to be a happening thing. You will be in my prayers and I hope somehow this all works out for you.

[velvet]

If your homesick this is a good time to leave his crap and visit the people whom don't wish you harm. Your b/f sounds like a jerk. Allot of women put up with their b/f or husband cheating on them. I'm not at all implying that your husband is a cheater.

 

To go as far as placing ads on Internet dating sites would be enough for me to not only be jealous but pissed. I would have handed in my walking papers, giving him the pink slips, fired from being my b/f. I don't see anything wrong with him down loading porn but to communicate through personals to meet women and spend the time to email them is not at all fine. I'm sure everyone who responds to your post could agree.

 

I think you should get rid of the computer. Toss it, break it, whatever or just leave his crap. You know its wrong to sit and take his crap don't you? Well theres your answer.

[Tony T]

Velvet said in a few short paragraphs what it took me a lot longer to say. I envy people who can keep things short and sweet but convey the right message.

 

Velvet is RIGHT ON TARGET...read her post again!!!

[Angel]

Sweetheart--I don't mean anything but kindness and helpfulness here. You need serious counseling - not as a couple- but for yourself. You need to find out why you are in a relationship (you even went as far as moving away from your family and have involved your daughter's LIFE) with a man that does not respect you--and if he does not respect you, he DEFINITELY does not love you. Please, get some serious counseling. Your problem is deeper than can be dealt with in this type of forum. Good luck.