Christine Posted November 6, 1999 Share Posted November 6, 1999 First of all, no matter how that sounds now, I think I can understand you quite well - I´ve been in almost the same situation. He wasn´t married - but engaded - and he was my best friend! And he had to leave - cuz he was from another country - and just on a one-year-work experience! After I found out what I really felt for him I was just so lost. I thought a lot about it, as he had feelings for me too. But finally I realized, knowing that he loved his fiancé, even if they might have had their problems, that I can´t ask him to leave her. He would have lost everything! Still - I lost everything too - but I had no right to destroy his life, and the life of his girlfriend! I realized that - if you really love somebody - you have to think of the other one first - and try to do what is best for the other one - not what is easiest or most confortable for you! Cuz that is what real love is all about... Well, and I let him go, finally - cuz it was the only right thing to do! He was the one person for me - and I know I will never meet anyone like him again... But I felt to much for him to not do the right thing! He promised to stay in contact, to stay friends - as we had a really close friendship - but it didn´t work out. The last email I got from him - was 3 months ago, and I don´t know why he did it - but he did, and I have to accept it! I´m still not over it - it´s been 6 months since he left - and I´m sure it still will take quite some time to finally move on with my life. But although it hurts like hell, I know that it was the right thing to do. It wouldn´t have worked out with us two - there would have been to much guilt, and hurt feelings, and doupt in the relationship. But I now also lost him as a friend... There is this quote which I think has so much truth in it:" If you love something enough, let it go. If it comes back to you it is yours to keep. if it doesn´t, it never was!" Perhaps it helps you. I know it is hard, but think of her first! Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
Cici Posted November 6, 1999 Share Posted November 6, 1999 I feel that you know what is right in this situation. You stated it over and over again in your post, saying that she didn't want to hurt her husband. She has made a choice to stay with a man she promised to be with solemly, and if yo utruly love her you should respect her choice and not pressure her to change her mind. As you can tell from the fights and her confusion, you're pressure is tearing her apart inside. I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend and best friend, except I was the female equivalent of the husband in your situation. They chose to be with each other come what may and ended up sleeping together and he broke it off with me. I had never felt so devestated in my life. I felt like I wasy dying inside, like my whole life had shattered. They hurt me terribly, and part of me will never, ever trust anyone completely again. In the end, the stress and guilt from what they had done tore them apart and they no longer see each other. They made a decision, but it was the wrong one. If you truly love her, let her go. She has chosen her husband and there's nothing you can do. You should respect her moral uprightness. And her devotion. Being her friend wil probably be difficult for you for at least a few months. Taking a break might be a good idea, away from your friend. Take some time to yourself to sort out your feelings. You are obviously very conflicted about your role as possible adulterer here. Start a journal...write out your feelings. Letters to the parties involved often helps, even if you never send them. Since you do sound very upset, you might seek counseling to have an objective party help you srot out your feelings and do the right thing. Good luck. I hope you make the best choice, for everyone's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Richie Posted November 7, 1999 Share Posted November 7, 1999 Yes. You are bad. Stop mentally seducing her. Forget her and get a job in a far away place. When you are in love relationship, you tend to think in favor of you like "she doesn't love her husband, she can't hurt him" etc. Even if she loves her husband, you really want to take the love of out of her heart. Even if you get what you want, you won't happy together for long time. It kills all three of you mentally. Take my word. -Richie Link to post Share on other sites
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