a set way

[Guest]

has ANYONE tried reading those books of getting your ex back no matter what? any way i can salvage our relationship? i did the normal begging but thing is the one time he did it before it worked..i figured it would this time but it wouldn't..he's being immature and not listening to my ideas and saying idon't know i'll call you back..he needs to get me out of the dark and let me know wht's going on..how can i get him to listen to me and get him to tell me what he wants??

[Canuck2006]

I am actually reading "How to win your lover back" by Blase Harris. I recommended this book to my best friend who is in the same position and it's working for him. It's also working for me, but depending on what happened, you may need to take things slowly. I'll scan over the book and post the just of it here today. Please do go out and pick this book up though..there is more too it than I can post here and it will help you out with your situation.

 

You're probably going to get postings here from other people saying that books don't work and blah blah blah. Ignore them. Either they didn't read it, or they messed up on their own. Just get this book and do your best..nobody can tell you what is going to happen with your future. Nobody.

[Guest]

I am actually reading "How to win your lover back" by Blase Harris. I recommended this book to my best friend who is in the same position and it's working for him. It's also working for me, but depending on what happened, you may need to take things slowly. I'll scan over the book and post the just of it here today. Please do go out and pick this book up though..there is more too it than I can post here and it will help you out with your situation.

 

You're probably going to get postings here from other people saying that books don't work and blah blah blah. Ignore them. Either they didn't read it, or they messed up on their own. Just get this book and do your best..nobody can tell you what is going to happen with your future. Nobody.

wow thanks..all i hear is leave him alone..but i know he cares and he loves me he's just hardheaded..i got angry about something stupid and that's why he left..he hasn't said it's over over between us..he won't talk to me much..

[jmargel]

Then give him the time & space he needs. Think of it as a gift you are giving him. If you continue to hound & chase him, he'll just run away faster. The best thing you can say to him right now is this: "I love you and when you are ready, i'm here to talk"..

 

Then follow through with it. As long as you demand on what *you* want, nothing will change. You can't force him to act or feel a certain way, you have to let him think for himself.

 

You really haven't gotten in depth with your situation either.

[Canuck2006]

Then give him the time & space he needs. Think of it as a gift you are giving him. If you continue to hound & chase him, he'll just run away faster. The best thing you can say to him right now is this: "I love you and when you are ready, i'm here to talk"..

 

Then follow through with it. As long as you demand on what *you* want, nothing will change. You can't force him to act or feel a certain way, you have to let him think for himself.

 

You really haven't gotten in depth with your situation either.

 

I very much agree with the time and space comment here. You need to stop begging. That's a big mistake. Here is my break down of "How to win back your lover" by Blase Harris. Like I said, don't rely on my short notes here. If this makes sense to you, then go and order the book from amazon.

 

Here we go.

 

You need to love that person 100%. Don't get confused with you being needy and you loving the person. You demanding and begging is being needy. You giving them space and time to feel better is loving them.

 

Maintain your self respect in the meantime. Don't beat yourself up with guilt and self pity. This won't help your relationship.

 

Common mistakes people make when trying to get back their lover: sudden concessions (if you don't know what this means, look it up) sudden attentiveness, competing with the competion, jealousy, negative visualization (seeing your ex having sex with a new lover), making demands and ultimatums, insisiting on sex, evoking pity, evoking guilt, threatening and even becoming violent and angry.

DON'T DO ANY OF THESE THINGS. IT WON'T HELP YOUR SITUATION!

 

Also, keep your emotions at bay when in contact with your lover. Don't start crying. It'll make them feel even worse for breaking up with you and will work against you. Be happy. Smile. Be cool.

 

When you're lonely, keep a journal..put notes in a shoebox. Schedule time when you can think about your situation..tell youself this. "I will think about this later..not now...I'll deal with this at 11am." Do it.

 

Find a confidant you can trust in to talk to and bounce ideas off of.

 

It's okay to date other people, but not just because you're lonley. Stay social.

 

Pursue your own interests. Stay active. Go to the gym..improve your physical self. It's very attractive.

 

Getting back in touch. You can send little cards to your ex..simple gifts..nothing grandious but things that show you care..these can be simple but put thought into it. Do not write I LOVE YOU. You're putting pressure on a person and expecting something back. Just say, "thinking about you" at the most.

 

Create pleasant moments when you are actually at the point of meeting or casualing dating your ex. Try and have a nice setting. Once that will create a atmosphere of relaxation. if you can find a place that is romantic and fun as well. Nothing too heavy here.

 

So you meet your ex and they are resiliant and angry? Don't sweat it. They're testing you. Don't argue. Don't get angry. Just let it go. IT WILL PASS. If you need to scream, wait until you're in your car and they're out of site. Try and make the situation a win-win. At any rate, stay come and learn from your lovers anger. What is really at the base of it?

 

okay this is tricky. It's called the "love take-away". Basically what this means is when you and your lover have had several good experiences and times together, there may be a point where you need to tell your lover that you're not going to wait around forever..that if they want to be in a relationship with you, then they need to act now. This will help speed up your ex's returning to you and help with equality in the relationship. (You really need to buy the book to understand this..it's a hard concept to explain without really looking at it a few times)

 

Do not ever show the book to your lover. It's probably a bad move. Don't feel like you are being manipulative. You're only loving that person completely..that is not being a manipulator. People might not get that though so just get rid of the book when you don't need it anymore.

 

Once you are back with your lover, you can't just stop loving them and take them for granted. You need to love them 100 percent always.

 

That's it for now. Go buy the damn book. Please don't try this stuff that I've written..it's quite abriviated and there is so much more to the book.

[Guest]

I very much agree with the time and space comment here. You need to stop begging. That's a big mistake. Here is my break down of "How to win back your lover" by Blase Harris. Like I said, don't rely on my short notes here. If this makes sense to you, then go and order the book from amazon.

 

Here we go.

 

You need to love that person 100%. Don't get confused with you being needy and you loving the person. You demanding and begging is being needy. You giving them space and time to feel better is loving them.

 

Maintain your self respect in the meantime. Don't beat yourself up with guilt and self pity. This won't help your relationship.

 

Common mistakes people make when trying to get back their lover: sudden concessions (if you don't know what this means, look it up) sudden attentiveness, competing with the competion, jealousy, negative visualization (seeing your ex having sex with a new lover), making demands and ultimatums, insisiting on sex, evoking pity, evoking guilt, threatening and even becoming violent and angry.

DON'T DO ANY OF THESE THINGS. IT WON'T HELP YOUR SITUATION!

 

Also, keep your emotions at bay when in contact with your lover. Don't start crying. It'll make them feel even worse for breaking up with you and will work against you. Be happy. Smile. Be cool.

 

When you're lonely, keep a journal..put notes in a shoebox. Schedule time when you can think about your situation..tell youself this. "I will think about this later..not now...I'll deal with this at 11am." Do it.

 

Find a confidant you can trust in to talk to and bounce ideas off of.

 

It's okay to date other people, but not just because you're lonley. Stay social.

 

Pursue your own interests. Stay active. Go to the gym..improve your physical self. It's very attractive.

 

Getting back in touch. You can send little cards to your ex..simple gifts..nothing grandious but things that show you care..these can be simple but put thought into it. Do not write I LOVE YOU. You're putting pressure on a person and expecting something back. Just say, "thinking about you" at the most.

 

Create pleasant moments when you are actually at the point of meeting or casualing dating your ex. Try and have a nice setting. Once that will create a atmosphere of relaxation. if you can find a place that is romantic and fun as well. Nothing too heavy here.

 

So you meet your ex and they are resiliant and angry? Don't sweat it. They're testing you. Don't argue. Don't get angry. Just let it go. IT WILL PASS. If you need to scream, wait until you're in your car and they're out of site. Try and make the situation a win-win. At any rate, stay come and learn from your lovers anger. What is really at the base of it?

 

okay this is tricky. It's called the "love take-away". Basically what this means is when you and your lover have had several good experiences and times together, there may be a point where you need to tell your lover that you're not going to wait around forever..that if they want to be in a relationship with you, then they need to act now. This will help speed up your ex's returning to you and help with equality in the relationship. (You really need to buy the book to understand this..it's a hard concept to explain without really looking at it a few times)

 

Do not ever show the book to your lover. It's probably a bad move. Don't feel like you are being manipulative. You're only loving that person completely..that is not being a manipulator. People might not get that though so just get rid of the book when you don't need it anymore.

 

Once you are back with your lover, you can't just stop loving them and take them for granted. You need to love them 100 percent always.

 

That's it for now. Go buy the damn book. Please don't try this stuff that I've written..it's quite abriviated and there is so much more to the book.

 

well i can't buy the book..i'm losing my house now..i just..he won't listen to me at all..i've moved away form the second chance to prove myself idea..he told my friend that i wasn't listening to him but how do i? first he says i don' tknow about the second chance then no then yes then no..then yes again..then he said he gave it to me but it wasn't even HALF a chance..then he said i don't know..so how am i spose to listen?

 

he won't let me propose any ideas without automatically shooting them down..i'm seeing him tomorrow to take that present and i'm taking my aunt as kind of a..person to keep things down..and be the one to say hey you're not listening to what he/she says..i need to know if it's over and i can move on or it's not, he said i don't know..but before ileave him alone to think i want to give him my ideas and have him give me his..just say hey you said you'd give me a chance and you didn't..so tomorrow i'm going to see if me, him, and my aunt can sit down and talk about it in a mature manner..

 

i want to propose that maybe we take abreak until he moves into his apartments at the end of the month where he'll be under ALOT less stress and we can start over with a clean slate no you said or did that and i will be going in with the knowledge of what i did wrong and how to fix it and what NOT to do..it's that easy..i just won't give up until we give it our best..and he's not letting me give it my best b/c now i know what not to do tht i did..what are some things i can say tomorrw that might me eyeopening..b/c i really have started my changes..and i know he won't believe me but how can i prove that i've changed without him giving me a second chance? i mean he said it wouldn't work b/c id' get mad if he added girlfriends on myspace and he did but i just simply became friends with them so i would be more social like he wants and i wouldn't worry about him haveing girlfriends..

 

also i went today to apologize to his boss for being immature and bringing that to her place of business..and i can't do too much more b/c we'd have to be in a relationship for him to find out..i just know if he will get back with me i will make sure i won't mess it up this time b/c i know what i did..and i said it about 2 weeks ago i'd change but he never left left me so i didn't see what i wsa doing..so tomorrow do i just tell him i realize what i did wrong and i'll give him time if that's what he needs and just tell him my feelings and ideas and such? please reply back before 1 tomorrow..

[Guest]

Trust me, you need this book in the worst way. You're being NEEDY. Not LOVING. You know, the book costs about 5-10 dollars. I understand that you're losing your house, but surely you can scrape together 5 bucks to send to amazon or get it off ebay? Isn't that little bit of money worth having a shot at saving your relationship? I can tell you didn't really read what I wrote before, so please go over it again and understand that you being needy..you telling him what you guys should do isn't going to work. If you continue it, you're going to lose him. Honestly, if you really don't have the money I'll send you five bucks.

 

 

 

well i can't buy the book..i'm losing my house now..i just..he won't listen to me at all..i've moved away form the second chance to prove myself idea..he told my friend that i wasn't listening to him but how do i? first he says i don' tknow about the second chance then no then yes then no..then yes again..then he said he gave it to me but it wasn't even HALF a chance..then he said i don't know..so how am i spose to listen?

 

he won't let me propose any ideas without automatically shooting them down..i'm seeing him tomorrow to take that present and i'm taking my aunt as kind of a..person to keep things down..and be the one to say hey you're not listening to what he/she says..i need to know if it's over and i can move on or it's not, he said i don't know..but before ileave him alone to think i want to give him my ideas and have him give me his..just say hey you said you'd give me a chance and you didn't..so tomorrow i'm going to see if me, him, and my aunt can sit down and talk about it in a mature manner..

 

i want to propose that maybe we take abreak until he moves into his apartments at the end of the month where he'll be under ALOT less stress and we can start over with a clean slate no you said or did that and i will be going in with the knowledge of what i did wrong and how to fix it and what NOT to do..it's that easy..i just won't give up until we give it our best..and he's not letting me give it my best b/c now i know what not to do tht i did..what are some things i can say tomorrw that might me eyeopening..b/c i really have started my changes..and i know he won't believe me but how can i prove that i've changed without him giving me a second chance? i mean he said it wouldn't work b/c id' get mad if he added girlfriends on myspace and he did but i just simply became friends with them so i would be more social like he wants and i wouldn't worry about him haveing girlfriends..

 

also i went today to apologize to his boss for being immature and bringing that to her place of business..and i can't do too much more b/c we'd have to be in a relationship for him to find out..i just know if he will get back with me i will make sure i won't mess it up this time b/c i know what i did..and i said it about 2 weeks ago i'd change but he never left left me so i didn't see what i wsa doing..so tomorrow do i just tell him i realize what i did wrong and i'll give him time if that's what he needs and just tell him my feelings and ideas and such? please reply back before 1 tomorrow..

[Canuck2006]

Trust me, you need this book in the worst way. You're being NEEDY. Not LOVING. You know, the book costs about 5-10 dollars. I understand that you're losing your house, but surely you can scrape together 5 bucks to send to amazon or get it off ebay? Isn't that little bit of money worth having a shot at saving your relationship? I can tell you didn't really read what I wrote before, so please go over it again and understand that you being needy..you telling him what you guys should do isn't going to work. If you continue it, you're going to lose him. Honestly, if you really don't have the money I'll send you five bucks.

 

Just out of curiousity...how old are you?

 

Stop proposing things to him, stop telling him how you've changed. He'll see it when you really have. Start working on YOU.

[Naive]

If he does not want you then maybe you should let him be. Why try and force someone to be with you? Don't you rather have someone that will WANT to be with you rather than feeled pressured to be with you?

 

It's not fair for him or you.

[Guest]

Trust me, you need this book in the worst way. You're being NEEDY. Not LOVING. You know, the book costs about 5-10 dollars. I understand that you're losing your house, but surely you can scrape together 5 bucks to send to amazon or get it off ebay? Isn't that little bit of money worth having a shot at saving your relationship? I can tell you didn't really read what I wrote before, so please go over it again and understand that you being needy..you telling him what you guys should do isn't going to work. If you continue it, you're going to lose him. Honestly, if you really don't have the money I'll send you five bucks.

 

Just out of curiousity...how old are you?

 

Stop proposing things to him, stop telling him how you've changed. He'll see it when you really have. Start working on YOU.

 

so i'm spose to just keep my ideas to myself..continue not eating and wondering if we even have a chance together? sorry no..i need to know at the VERY least if we have a chance or not..so i'll try ONE more time to lay out my ideas..see if we have a chance b/c i do NOT want to get back right now..we need time away from each other if we are getting back and work on ourselves..it kinda irritates me taht i might have to give up on the best thing that has ever happened to abd not even have been able to give it my best shot..

HOW is he spose to see that i have changed if he wont' talk to me? he's a psychic?

[norajane]

HOW is he spose to see that i have changed if he wont' talk to me? he's a psychic?

 

If the problems he's having with you - the things you are supposedly changing - are that you are needy, clingy, controlling, and desperate, then he'll see that you've changed when you leave him alone.

 

By pursuing him endlessly, you are showing him exactly that YOU HAVE NOT CHANGED. The only way you can show him that you are at all different is to do something different - LEAVE HIM ALONE.

 

Every time you try to get him to come back, you are merely reinforcing that you you are needy, clingy, bitching, whining, and nagging him to come back to you. Leave him alone and he'll see that you aren't needy - you can handle being on your own. Leave him alone and he'll see you aren't clingy - you aren't constantly calling and trying to see him. Leave him alone and he'll see that you aren't bitching, whining, and nagging - you're staying away and aren't doing any of those things.

[Canuck2006]

so i'm spose to just keep my ideas to myself..continue not eating and wondering if we even have a chance together? sorry no..i need to know at the VERY least if we have a chance or not..so i'll try ONE more time to lay out my ideas..see if we have a chance b/c i do NOT want to get back right now..we need time away from each other if we are getting back and work on ourselves..it kinda irritates me taht i might have to give up on the best thing that has ever happened to abd not even have been able to give it my best shot..

HOW is he spose to see that i have changed if he wont' talk to me? he's a psychic?

 

I assume you're about 16, so your plan may work. I doubt it though. I'm saying it may work because there is a good chance this isn't real love.

No you're not supposed to stop eating. You need to relax. If you stop eating you're not loving yourself, and then you won't be able to love him either. I know what you're going through..I'm guessing this is your first love..and your first real breakup. Keep eating..eat what you can and it will get better. That's nice you don't want to get back together right now. Unfortunatly, you can't tell somebody else to work on themselves. That's their choice. Leave him alone for a bit..back off. It's making you seem really needy and there is a chance he'll run even further away. Give the guy some space and then call him to see what he wants to do. Maybe he'll get together with you for a coffee and you can talk.

 

That's all the advice I have for you. I'd try listening to what people are attempting to tell you here. It's your choice, but the chances of what you're proposing to do working are slim. Good luck with whatever you decide and I hope everything works out well!

[phoenix21]

I very much agree with the time and space comment here. You need to stop begging. That's a big mistake. Here is my break down of "How to win back your lover" by Blase Harris. Like I said, don't rely on my short notes here. If this makes sense to you, then go and order the book from amazon.

 

Here we go.

 

You need to love that person 100%. Don't get confused with you being needy and you loving the person. You demanding and begging is being needy. You giving them space and time to feel better is loving them.

 

Maintain your self respect in the meantime. Don't beat yourself up with guilt and self pity. This won't help your relationship.

 

Common mistakes people make when trying to get back their lover: sudden concessions (if you don't know what this means, look it up) sudden attentiveness, competing with the competion, jealousy, negative visualization (seeing your ex having sex with a new lover), making demands and ultimatums, insisiting on sex, evoking pity, evoking guilt, threatening and even becoming violent and angry.

DON'T DO ANY OF THESE THINGS. IT WON'T HELP YOUR SITUATION!

 

Also, keep your emotions at bay when in contact with your lover. Don't start crying. It'll make them feel even worse for breaking up with you and will work against you. Be happy. Smile. Be cool.

 

When you're lonely, keep a journal..put notes in a shoebox. Schedule time when you can think about your situation..tell youself this. "I will think about this later..not now...I'll deal with this at 11am." Do it.

 

Find a confidant you can trust in to talk to and bounce ideas off of.

 

It's okay to date other people, but not just because you're lonley. Stay social.

 

Pursue your own interests. Stay active. Go to the gym..improve your physical self. It's very attractive.

 

Getting back in touch. You can send little cards to your ex..simple gifts..nothing grandious but things that show you care..these can be simple but put thought into it. Do not write I LOVE YOU. You're putting pressure on a person and expecting something back. Just say, "thinking about you" at the most.

 

Create pleasant moments when you are actually at the point of meeting or casualing dating your ex. Try and have a nice setting. Once that will create a atmosphere of relaxation. if you can find a place that is romantic and fun as well. Nothing too heavy here.

 

So you meet your ex and they are resiliant and angry? Don't sweat it. They're testing you. Don't argue. Don't get angry. Just let it go. IT WILL PASS. If you need to scream, wait until you're in your car and they're out of site. Try and make the situation a win-win. At any rate, stay come and learn from your lovers anger. What is really at the base of it?

 

okay this is tricky. It's called the "love take-away". Basically what this means is when you and your lover have had several good experiences and times together, there may be a point where you need to tell your lover that you're not going to wait around forever..that if they want to be in a relationship with you, then they need to act now. This will help speed up your ex's returning to you and help with equality in the relationship. (You really need to buy the book to understand this..it's a hard concept to explain without really looking at it a few times)

 

Do not ever show the book to your lover. It's probably a bad move. Don't feel like you are being manipulative. You're only loving that person completely..that is not being a manipulator. People might not get that though so just get rid of the book when you don't need it anymore.

 

Once you are back with your lover, you can't just stop loving them and take them for granted. You need to love them 100 percent always.

 

That's it for now. Go buy the damn book. Please don't try this stuff that I've written..it's quite abriviated and there is so much more to the book.

 

 

Is this going to work when your ex lost her feelings for you. I too, did all those things. Being needy and clingy. I've gotten better, but it's still hard. I do love her and I do want her back. Is this going to work if your ex is seeing someone else? Also, is this going to work if your ex is not in love with you anymore? I know she still cares and loves me, but she's not in love with me. What are my chances. Thanks.

[D-Lish]

The bottom line is that you cannot force someone to love you.... no matter what you do.

 

However, the premise of a second chance relies on the notion that there are some residual feelings still present in the other person. If this is the case, then there is always a chance if you play your cards right.

 

Being needy, pressuring, showing up on their doorstop and borderline stalking WILL ruin any chances and destroy any feelings that might still be lingering. No Contact works on this premise as well. If there are still feelings and indecision present in the dumper, absence is a way for them to figure out if they miss you. If they are on the fence, pressure can cause annoyance and resentment and push them away for good.

 

You cannot "will" someone to love you.

That's the bottom line.

 

I've tried the NC, limited friendly contact, but my ex won't even respond. hasn't responded to anything in three months. That tells me he just isn't interested and has no love left for me. Nothing I do or don't do will change that. But if there is a spark left- tread lightly and follow the advice of this thread. Don't pressure- work on yourself, use this time to get some confidence back.

 

Good luck,

D

[phoenix21]

The bottom line is that you cannot force someone to love you.... no matter what you do.

 

However, the premise of a second chance relies on the notion that there are some residual feelings still present in the other person. If this is the case, then there is always a chance if you play your cards right.

 

Being needy, pressuring, showing up on their doorstop and borderline stalking WILL ruin any chances and destroy any feelings that might still be lingering. No Contact works on this premise as well. If there are still feelings and indecision present in the dumper, absence is a way for them to figure out if they miss you. If they are on the fence, pressure can cause annoyance and resentment and push them away for good.

 

You cannot "will" someone to love you.

That's the bottom line.

 

I've tried the NC, limited friendly contact, but my ex won't even respond. hasn't responded to anything in three months. That tells me he just isn't interested and has no love left for me. Nothing I do or don't do will change that. But if there is a spark left- tread lightly and follow the advice of this thread. Don't pressure- work on yourself, use this time to get some confidence back.

 

Good luck,

D

 

My ex is already seeing someone else. I think this person made her question our relationship even more. When she needed time to think about things, she was talking to him, who liked her. I think this person is filling the void of me. I'm a little scared that it will get more serious. I just worried that she's not going to miss me because there's someone else there. I also know that I can't do anything about it and I have to give her her freedom.

 

It's just so hard to let go and move on when you don't want to. I know I have to let go of her first. I went NC for a while, but the other night she came over to drop off some stuff of mine. It didn't go so well in my perspective. She could tell that I'm still upset about the whole breakup and everything. I also told her about me having surgery to remove a benign tumor and that freaked her out. I'm having that done on Saturday. I don't think I should have told her about it.

 

She's out of the country right now for a couple of weeks and I'm hoping that this will give her some alone time to think without the other person or me. There's still one more tie that I have with her and I'm going to get that taken care of when she gets back. I have to remove her name from our condo. After that, Im going back to NC.

 

My question is what chances do I have if she's seeing someone else?

When someone loses their feelings, can they get it back?

 

Are these covered in this book you're talking about?

[Canuck2006]

The bottom line is that you cannot force someone to love you.... no matter what you do.

 

However, the premise of a second chance relies on the notion that there are some residual feelings still present in the other person. If this is the case, then there is always a chance if you play your cards right.

 

Being needy, pressuring, showing up on their doorstop and borderline stalking WILL ruin any chances and destroy any feelings that might still be lingering. No Contact works on this premise as well. If there are still feelings and indecision present in the dumper, absence is a way for them to figure out if they miss you. If they are on the fence, pressure can cause annoyance and resentment and push them away for good.

 

You cannot "will" someone to love you.

That's the bottom line.

 

I've tried the NC, limited friendly contact, but my ex won't even respond. hasn't responded to anything in three months. That tells me he just isn't interested and has no love left for me. Nothing I do or don't do will change that. But if there is a spark left- tread lightly and follow the advice of this thread. Don't pressure- work on yourself, use this time to get some confidence back.

 

Good luck,

D

 

 

Thanks D. That's pretty much what I was trying to say.

 

Okay here is the thing. If you love someone, love them unconditionally. If their love was true for you, then they'll always love no matter how things turn out.

 

If I could make a suggestion to anymore here, Go see the movie "The Fountain". Please don't look it up and read reviews. Go to it blindly. When it's done, maybe make a walk and reflect on your situation.

[Guest]

Thanks D. That's pretty much what I was trying to say.

 

Okay here is the thing. If you love someone, love them unconditionally. If their love was true for you, then they'll always love no matter how things turn out.

 

If I could make a suggestion to anymore here, Go see the movie "The Fountain". Please don't look it up and read reviews. Go to it blindly. When it's done, maybe make a walk and reflect on your situation.

 

Can you answer what phoenix asked you? I'm in a similar situation where my ex is seeing someone else. Are these covered in the book by Blase Harris?

[Ssheena]

ok. This is the same guest that started the thread in the "second changes" forum entitled "what do i do". She has gotten good advice but is seemingly refusing to accept what she has heard from us - ie, give him space, leave him be for awhile and is still looking for a (in my opinion) magic way to get her x back.

 

I do wish her lots of luck and I actually wish her x lots of luck too because I don't think this girl is going to back off AT ALL from him until he is brutally honest.

 

Phoenix, I am sorry you are feeling like you are. I know, it is the pits. I don't know and wish I did "what chances" any of us have that are having trouble letting go. I do think that NC is the way to go. You have to let the other person make their own mistakes and just hope that they realize they made a mistake by letting you go. I'm having a pretty rough time right now myself too.

 

But back to the OP. She's hurting and is reacting without thinking. Maybe she has never been in this position before. I have been and I have begged and pleaded and said I was going to change and I've wondered (with this one too I wonder) how can they just give up on us, etc., etc. and the only person it has hurt is myself. Perhaps this is just a lesson we all have to learn at sometime. The OP is going to continue to not listen to any of our good advice and learn the hard way.

[Guest]

ok. This is the same guest that started the thread in the "second changes" forum entitled "what do i do". She has gotten good advice but is seemingly refusing to accept what she has heard from us - ie, give him space, leave him be for awhile and is still looking for a (in my opinion) magic way to get her x back.

 

I do wish her lots of luck and I actually wish her x lots of luck too because I don't think this girl is going to back off AT ALL from him until he is brutally honest.

 

Phoenix, I am sorry you are feeling like you are. I know, it is the pits. I don't know and wish I did "what chances" any of us have that are having trouble letting go. I do think that NC is the way to go. You have to let the other person make their own mistakes and just hope that they realize they made a mistake by letting you go. I'm having a pretty rough time right now myself too.

 

But back to the OP. She's hurting and is reacting without thinking. Maybe she has never been in this position before. I have been and I have begged and pleaded and said I was going to change and I've wondered (with this one too I wonder) how can they just give up on us, etc., etc. and the only person it has hurt is myself. Perhaps this is just a lesson we all have to learn at sometime. The OP is going to continue to not listen to any of our good advice and learn the hard way.

 

hmm you guys just didn't get anything i was saying..i think i know him better than you do..and so it goes to say that anyone over 16 has love in every relationship? it can be love before 16 or after..and i'm not 16..20..i think i would know it's love better than you because you don't know half the story..so just b/c ONE thing happens it's not love..because i panicked and reacted before i thought it's not love? EVERYONE reacts without thinking at one time or another ..it doesn't mean you don't love someone..

 

so it's hell i dropped something because it shocked me and that means i don't love you? riiiight.. i HAVE left him alone..and in fact HE called me yesterday to talk to me..i just asked if we could meet so i could give him that present and we can talk like mature adults..and he said of course..we actually had an alright time..i messed up though..i left my keys in his car and i had to call him back, i cryed..i was just so frustrated b/c i had been trying SO hard to do everything right! and i messed it up by doing something dumb..he hugged me tight and told me it was an honest mistake..then he called on the way home to reassure me he wasn't mad at me..just could you give openminded advice? i mean one guy thinks that 16 yr olds can't find love..and I'M being needy whe you don't know half of it? i think there is a pretty good chance of getting bck together..he said he'd give me an answer in a day but i asked him to take alittle more time to think about it b/c it was very importnat to me..

 

towards the end he acted normal towards me at first he was mopey..but i cheered him up..it was good to hear him laugh..i just wish there was more i could do to help him lean towards the get back together in a few weeks side..instead of not giving us another chance..we were accidently on the phone last night for 7 hours..he called about 11:45 and we talked until about midnight and he got sleepy so i TRIED to get him off the phone i was like hey you're tired you woke up at 430 to go hunting just call me tomorrow night..but he was so pooped..and i accidently fell asleep on the phone to..well, do you think it would be alright to apologize to his mom and dad b/c i think they thought i was a snob..i'm REAL shy when meeting new people and i keep quiet so i don't say something wrong..i did somany things wrong that i see now..and i am fixing them and if he doesn't see at least a centimeter of a change yet then i don't know what to do! thanks for the advice anyways guys..sorry i don't listen too well, i'm a bit stubborn..and it just helped to sit down and to talk..it helped both of us to see each other, he said so..and he grabbed me and hugged me first! i just have this feeling, as well as all my friends and his..let's just hope! but see, i'm not begging anymore..i just say hey i know you won't believe me right now but just give it time and i'm sure you'll see..

 

just asked simply to give us one last chance b/c if we don't work out the 3rd time the 4th or 5th won't work either, i did not go please give us this chacne please..i grabbed a hold of my emotions and tried to act alright the whole time..he hasn't given me my stuff or asked for his, only his radio which he's living with his cousin and he found out i had it which his cousin's mother gave it to him..actually I'M the one who suggested we take time out if we get back together and I'M the one who suggested he take longer to think about it..but who are you people to define love? love has no ACTUAL definition actually no word has an ACTUAL definition its all what you think it is i guess..

[D-Lish]

I think people are just trying to offer helpful suggestions Guest, based on personal experience. Whether or not you agree is your decision.

 

Canuck,

I ordered that book you mentioned today.

I don't know how much good it will do me having been in NC with my ex for 3 months, but I'll give it a try.

 

I'll let you know what I think.

D

[Canuck2006]

There is an area where the book talks about what to do when you're ex is seeing somebody else. To really break it down quickly, Don't put those stupid thoughts of your ex having sex with that person. Just don't do it. Think about the good things..the good times you shared. This may make you feel sad at first..but think about it. You're feeling love for that person in those memories and that's what you need to focus on.

 

Even if they are seeing somebody, you can't stop loving them unconditionally.

 

D-Lish..I'm glad you got that book. My friend and I are calling each other and working together with the book to get our loves back. I wish I could figure out how to give out email addresses here..I did it once but I think it got removed. angrius at gmail dot com. If you have questions when you get the book, let's talk about it and maybe I can help you out with what I've experienced:)

 

And for the guest who doesn't listen to anything we're saying...it's time maybe for you to open up your eyes a bit and realize that you being angry and hurt isn't going to bring back your love any faster. You have nothing to lose by taking some advice..you've already lost your love so why not try it out? What's the harm.

[Guest]

There is an area where the book talks about what to do when you're ex is seeing somebody else. To really break it down quickly, Don't put those stupid thoughts of your ex having sex with that person. Just don't do it. Think about the good things..the good times you shared. This may make you feel sad at first..but think about it. You're feeling love for that person in those memories and that's what you need to focus on.

 

Even if they are seeing somebody, you can't stop loving them unconditionally.

 

D-Lish..I'm glad you got that book. My friend and I are calling each other and working together with the book to get our loves back. I wish I could figure out how to give out email addresses here..I did it once but I think it got removed. angrius at gmail dot com. If you have questions when you get the book, let's talk about it and maybe I can help you out with what I've experienced:)

 

And for the guest who doesn't listen to anything we're saying...it's time maybe for you to open up your eyes a bit and realize that you being angry and hurt isn't going to bring back your love any faster. You have nothing to lose by taking some advice..you've already lost your love so why not try it out? What's the harm.

 

i haven't totally lost him..i just think i know him better than you..oooo wait no, you were the one dating him weren't you? i just can't stand here and wait if i do much longer i'll be in the hospital..i just don't know anymore..how can i be so dumb and blind?

[D-Lish]

Hi Canuck,

 

If your PM is activated you can private message people with your e-mail.

But I copied down your e-mail if you want to remove it from your post now... (I got in trouble for posting my e-mail on the public forum before... not a spanking, but a warning message)

 

I hope there is something in the book about an ex who is stubborn...

I don't think he is seeing someone, but he is resistant to having any contact with me. I know he still loves me- but I doubt I could ever break through the stubborness. I think that if I could just open the lines of communication with him that I would have a good shot of getting him back.

 

I think the guest is angry at us!

 

Thanks for the info on the book. It couldn't hurt to read it.

I'll let you know what I think.

Dee

[Guest]

Hi Canuck,

 

If your PM is activated you can private message people with your e-mail.

But I copied down your e-mail if you want to remove it from your post now... (I got in trouble for posting my e-mail on the public forum before... not a spanking, but a warning message)

 

I hope there is something in the book about an ex who is stubborn...

I don't think he is seeing someone, but he is resistant to having any contact with me. I know he still loves me- but I doubt I could ever break through the stubborness. I think that if I could just open the lines of communication with him that I would have a good shot of getting him back.

 

I think the guest is angry at us!

 

Thanks for the info on the book. It couldn't hurt to read it.

I'll let you know what I think.

Dee

 

no i've replied but it didn't show! my ex is stubborn and he won't answer..things went good on Tuesday, i thought..i just want to talk to know what he's thinking..i think that talking and letting him now what if feel would be good, since he's thinking about giving us another chance..just try and talk about things he's interested in..and i posted a blog maybe he'll understand i know what i was doing wrong changed more before he replies with the answer..I'm trying my best to be positive but I'm terrified of the answer..i want to be happy again!! please if you pray pray he gives us another chance! i'm STILL torn apart all my other exes it took a day of crying..

[Canuck2006]

I refuse to acknowledge the guest right now:) Guest please smarten up a bit. We're only trying to help. If you continue to be rude, I'm just going to ignore you and you can assume that the others probably will too.

 

D..I don't get how to turn my pm's on...can you give me a quick lesson here?

Thanks.