What is "Friends with Benefits" really suppose to be like?

[cuteblondegurl]

I've been involved in a "FWB arrangement" for almost a year now. I met this gentleman at my old office building where I use to work. Also, I was the one who broached the idea of an FWB arrangement. We see each other 2-3 times a month. He would come over to my place and we would go out for dinner or I would cook dinner for him.We would talk about a wide variety of different topics, watch tv, cuddle and then proceed to have fun. After being intimate, he would always hold me in his arms and kiss me for hours being leaving.

 

My GF does not agree with such a casual arrangement. She stated if it's just the physical aspect that I am seeking, then have him come over and service me and leave. Nothing else. No cooking, no cuddling, no hugs, no conversations.

 

What do you all think???

[noforgiveness]

is he married?

[norajane]

Your GF is describing a f*ck buddy relationship. There is nothing else to it except the sex.

 

You seem to have more of a FWB, where you do enjoy each other's company and don't just get together for "servicing".

 

I see your friend's point, though. You are kinda leaning into actual relationship territory when you have the intimacy you two seem to have.

[yousaveme]

I've been involved in a "FWB arrangement" for almost a year now. I met this gentleman at my old office building where I use to work. Also, I was the one who broached the idea of an FWB arrangement. We see each other 2-3 times a month. He would come over to my place and we would go out for dinner or I would cook dinner for him.We would talk about a wide variety of different topics, watch tv, cuddle and then proceed to have fun. After being intimate, he would always hold me in his arms and kiss me for hours being leaving.

 

My GF does not agree with such a casual arrangement. She stated if it's just the physical aspect that I am seeking, then have him come over and service me and leave. Nothing else. No cooking, no cuddling, no hugs, no conversations.

 

What do you all think???

 

FWB equals heartache and headaches....Just stop it and move on...Take it from someone who was involved with a FWB situtation and thought it was a good idea and nothing more would ever happen.

[blind_otter]

I see your friend's point, though. You are kinda leaning into actual relationship territory when you have the intimacy you two seem to have.

 

I agree, IME, a FWB is just that -- a friend that you have sex with. No cuddling, no romancing of any kind. You hang out, platonically, and occassionally have sex.

 

IMO the OP doesn't have a FWB arrangement, more like the dude gets to do whatever he wants and there don't seem to be clear boundaries.

 

The ONLY way a FWB works out is if there are clearly established boundaries that are also clearly communicated to all parties involved.

[O'Malley]

You are kinda leaning into actual relationship territory when you have the intimacy you two seem to have.

 

 

It can feel like a 'sort of' relationship, but it's not one if you haven't discussed boundaries or dating. Being intimate doesn't mean either person wants an actual relationship.

 

Do you like the way things are currently or do you want more?

[cuteblondegurl]

It can feel like a 'sort of' relationship, but it's not one if you haven't discussed boundaries or dating. Being intimate doesn't mean either person wants an actual relationship.

 

Do you like the way things are currently or do you want more?

 

Yes, I like the way our arrangement is and I do not want anything more than that. However, I think my GF is concerned because of his actions such as long embracing, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc. These are actions you usually associate with a relationship and she feels I may end up wanting something more or I may get messed up emotionally.

[TYASAFAHICSI]

I've been involved in a "FWB arrangement" for almost a year now. I met this gentleman at my old office building where I use to work. Also, I was the one who broached the idea of an FWB arrangement. We see each other 2-3 times a month. He would come over to my place and we would go out for dinner or I would cook dinner for him.We would talk about a wide variety of different topics, watch tv, cuddle and then proceed to have fun. After being intimate, he would always hold me in his arms and kiss me for hours being leaving.

 

My GF does not agree with such a casual arrangement. She stated if it's just the physical aspect that I am seeking, then have him come over and service me and leave. Nothing else. No cooking, no cuddling, no hugs, no conversations.

 

What do you all think???

 

No advice, but WHEW--I thought you were a dude at first! (See bolds)

[mizzsmiley]

No advice, but WHEW--I thought you were a dude at first! (See bolds)

 

 

hahaha...i did too! until i knew she meant a female friend. well i think if there's not only sex involved, there is a chance one of you will develop feelings for each other which will be akward if the other doesnt feel the same way.

[sami]

The major concern and set back about the "FWB" relationship is when one partner starts to develop strong emotions for the other who will never be able to give more than a "FWB" can. It will eventually be one of the most heartbreaking experiences. It's either take it or leave it.

[usman]

I think friendship the name of benefits. I aspect many benefits with my friends.

[barfool]

As a person who has been in many a FWB thing before, this is not entirely unusual. Some people can disassociate the act from caring at all and some can't. However, just because there is some amount of caring doesn't mean it is anything more than FWB. If you are happy with the situation as it is, then let it be.

[Guest]

Your GF is describing a f*ck buddy relationship. There is nothing else to it except the sex.

 

You seem to have more of a FWB, where you do enjoy each other's company and don't just get together for "servicing".

 

I see your friend's point, though. You are kinda leaning into actual relationship territory when you have the intimacy you two seem to have.

 

 

BINGO - AND WHY U LOSE A GREAT THING

FOR NOTHING ELSE BUT SEX

 

HOPE THE FUC WAS GREAT - U PROBABLY SAID IT WAS IN A POST WHILE SAYING HUBBBY WAS CRAP;

THAT TRAIN IS GONE WHEN U ADD JUST THESE

[cbstyles69]

have you concidered talking to him about a possible relationship? or is this not an option in your eyes? i'm currantly in a twisted kinda friends with bennies situation with my best freind that i've known for 11 years. it drives me nuts because i have feelings for her. anyways enough about me. seems that one or both of you has feelings that wreak far beyond admitance. my suggestion, if your willing to cuddle, if your willing to romance, if your willing to go out of your way to cook for this guy ect... then why not just get it over with and date him. is this man in a relationship? or is he single and just not ready to commit? a couple times a month seems almost like he's got someone else in his life. me being a man i know i'd have sex twice a day if it was available.

 

food for thought, do some homework on this guy.

 

some dude from RI.

[Guest]

i have an interesting story about this FWBs thang. i don't think people understand what it actually is and what it says about u as a person - u are basically USEING another human being [and them u] for self gratification and removing the key element, being initmacy - because the concept is to have sex without becoming attached to that person.

 

i don't know many people that can do that but i think everyone has thought about it. i know i did right after i was divorced and low and behold such an opportunity presented itself too me. with offers of whatever i wanted regarding sex and it was then, without any contact having been made, i realized, i am not looking or need sex - i want companionship. she was pissed at me because i have a great body and she wanted the goods - but i had to pass - what a loser eh?

[WoWaddict]

I've been involved in a "FWB arrangement" for almost a year now. I met this gentleman at my old office building where I use to work. Also, I was the one who broached the idea of an FWB arrangement. We see each other 2-3 times a month. He would come over to my place and we would go out for dinner or I would cook dinner for him.We would talk about a wide variety of different topics, watch tv, cuddle and then proceed to have fun. After being intimate, he would always hold me in his arms and kiss me for hours being leaving.

 

My GF does not agree with such a casual arrangement. She stated if it's just the physical aspect that I am seeking, then have him come over and service me and leave. Nothing else. No cooking, no cuddling, no hugs, no conversations.

 

What do you all think???

 

 

 

I personally am not a fan of those kinds of relationships. If you want a real relationship, you owe it to yourself not to cut yourself short.

 

My current boyfriend-fiance type person. I call him by either depending on who I'm talking to (long story). We are technically engaged, because we are going to get married. He bought me a promise ring, because he can't afford an engagement ring, but he wanted me to have something.

 

We have known each other for almost 6 years now. The last two we've been together seriously, but the four prior to that we dated off and on. We had strong feelings for each other, but we weren't ready for any kind of commitment. When we werent dating, we were best friends, but since we had strong feelings for each other, we ended up as FWB.

 

We would go out, do stuff that friends do, and then end up making out or having sex. After awhile, it really started to hurt my self esteem, and my opinion of myself. It hurt to see him dating other people, and from what we've talked about later on, it was a likewise feeling.

 

I started feeling like I was a peice of meat, and that even though I loved him, I didn't deserve to be happy with him. I regretted

 

Luckily, everything worked out for the best. One day we both came clean and said how we felt about each other. But it's a very, very rare occurance that things worked out the way they did.

 

99.9% of these relationships breed the same types of feelings of resentment, anger, jealousy, and self-hate, and often times they go on for years without a happy ending. And there is no one there when it's over to make everything right, which is the worst part.

 

Take it from someone who's been there, don't put yourself though what I went through.

[che_jesse]

We are technically engaged, because we are going to get married. He bought me a promise ring, because he can't afford an engagement ring, but he wanted me to have something.

 

What? Isnt this completely selfish on your part and insecure on his?

Why don't you just say to him "I don't care what ring you buy me, I love you and want to be with you" then get engaged and get married.

 

You are actually putting of marriage because he cant afford a big enough ring for you?

[WoWaddict]

What? Isnt this completely selfish on your part and insecure on his?

Why don't you just say to him "I don't care what ring you buy me, I love you and want to be with you" then get engaged and get married.

 

You are actually putting of marriage because he cant afford a big enough ring for you?

 

Did i say that? No. Dont you dare presume that you know me, or understand what's going on without knowing the whole story.

 

The ring is NOT the reason we are waiting. We are waiting until I am finished with college, which is our personal choice, because I want to be able to SPLIT the costs of living, not depend on him to pay for everything. We also want to have children, and that is really not possible to do at this point.

 

He wanted to get married as soon as the ring was on my finger, but at the same time we were also planning to move 1000 miles away from home, and I said it would be best to wait until we were secure financially (full time jobs, able to afford neccessities and general expenses) and comfortable in our new area. I said we should wait a few months and see where we are then. Well, it's been a few months and he agrees that waiting is best decision for us right now. We set the date until after I graduate college temporarily, but if all goes well, it may happen before then.

 

Also as a full time college student, I would not be able to give our marriage the attention it deserves. I would go to school all day, go to work all night then collapse and do it all again the next day. He more than deserves to have the attention that a husband should have.

 

Oh yeah, and I'm also about to turn 20. I would rather have a two year engagement to make sure that getting married is the right decision, instead of jumping in headfirst and unprepared, and end up divorced, and most likely with children. It's not a selfish, its proper planning.

 

Him saying that he wanted to get me a bigger ring, was HIS choice, not mine. I have said right along that he doesnt need to get me anything bigger or more expensive. What he is doing as far as that goes is based on his personal beliefs, not mine.

[Guest]

guys will get carried away with that stuff u know. i think one of the two needs to kept their sanity. for example: i know a guy that spent $33k on his wedding? think about that? thaty RESPs for the kids, a trip for two around the world, etc. he did so because he wanted to give her the biggest traditional wedding ever [flowers,etc.] i thought that was crazy.

 

as for your curiousity about FWBs, have you ever 'thought' about trying it - sort of a personal experiment? do u know any couples that have successfully done that and for how long?

 

i understand it is not as rare as people think.

[Grrlish]

Your GF is describing a f*ck buddy relationship. There is nothing else to it except the sex.

 

You seem to have more of a FWB, where you do enjoy each other's company and don't just get together for "servicing".

 

I agree with both of these statements.

 

Different people had different definitions of what an FWB relationships is/should be. I've had a couple of FWB relationships like the one you're describing, CuteBlondeGurl.

 

I see your friend's point, though. You are kinda leaning into actual relationship territory when you have the intimacy you two seem to have.

 

This is certainly one of the risks with an FWB relationship that is 'warm'. In both of my main FWB relationships, emotions got in the way to some degree, at some time - both times on their part. But I hear it from women all the time, about how they're falling for their F-buddy or how this guy broke their heart...even though he was just an FWB.

[cuteblondegurl]

I personally am not a fan of those kinds of relationships. If you want a real relationship, you owe it to yourself not to cut yourself short.

 

My current boyfriend-fiance type person. I call him by either depending on who I'm talking to (long story). We are technically engaged, because we are going to get married. He bought me a promise ring, because he can't afford an engagement ring, but he wanted me to have something.

 

We have known each other for almost 6 years now. The last two we've been together seriously, but the four prior to that we dated off and on. We had strong feelings for each other, but we weren't ready for any kind of commitment. When we werent dating, we were best friends, but since we had strong feelings for each other, we ended up as FWB.

 

 

 

 

 

I do not feel that I am selling myself short or settling for less. I do keep things in perspective and I do not expect anything more to evolve from this FWB relationship. This type of arrangement is perfect for me right now since I am not looking for a serious relationship. I do feel it's much better than going to bars and finding casual encounters.

[WoWaddict]

 

I do not feel that I am selling myself short or settling for less. I do keep things in perspective and I do not expect anything more to evolve from this FWB relationship. This type of arrangement is perfect for me right now since I am not looking for a serious relationship. I do feel it's much better than going to bars and finding casual encounters.

 

 

As long as you keep things in perspective, you should be alright. I'm just giving my opinion based on what happened with me. I would just feel bad if you ended up getting hurt if you ended up having more than just FWB feelings for him.

[cuteblondegurl]

As long as you keep things in perspective, you should be alright. I'm just giving my opinion based on what happened with me. I would just feel bad if you ended up getting hurt if you ended up having more than just FWB feelings for him.

 

 

Thank you. I do understand the potential risks with FWB relationships and I do hope that neither one of us will get hurt.