Situational Anxiety at work--can you relate??

[SummerRae]

Hi there....

 

Wow, where do I begin? I need help... I have been suffering social anxiety (at least I think that's what it is, as I have diagnosed myself...) for about 4+ years. Only it seems to have been getting worse and worse. And strangely enough, it mostly happens at work...

 

I get all tongue-tied, feel like people are intensely critiquing me and I embarass at the drop of a hat. This anxiety is so strange for me because I have never ever had anxiety like this before. It's over-whelming and it honestly makes me feel like I'm on the outside, looking in at everyone else in the world, who have their lives together.

 

I had my first panic attach 2+ weeks ago and I cannot keep living this way.

 

I have left several messages with counsellors and am going to go back into therapy.

 

My question is: have any of you been through this? "Situational anxiety"... and if so, could you please tell me how you felt and what you know about it.

 

I really, really would love to hear your thoughts and feelings.

 

Thanks, mildly-embarassed-for-these-feelings,

Summer

[Green]

first of all yes Ive felt anxiety b4, No Ive never had a panic atack that I know of. I have burst into tears b4 does that count? I think I fainted once. I went on a boat and got really sea sick. any ways you sound like a smart woman and there has to be something at the root of all this, what have you been worying about lately more then all the other things?

[SummerRae]

first of all yes Ive felt anxiety b4, No Ive never had a panic atack that I know of. I have burst into tears b4 does that count? I think I fainted once. I went on a boat and got really sea sick. any ways you sound like a smart woman and there has to be something at the root of all this, what have you been worying about lately more then all the other things?

 

More than anything, I think I'm just worried about my career. I'm a new fundraising consultant and I have to speak a LOT and given that a lot of the people I work with are very successful businessmen/women, I get intimidated and feel as though they think I'm a young child. (I'm not, I'm 27, but still.)

 

My boss is f-ing amazing, but I still have these fears of inadequacy. I also worry excessively about the future, and my life. Fear that I am not doing all that I should be doing.

 

My company recently relocated me to a new, small, teeny-tiny town where most are very religious (I'm not, personally) and I feel like a lone fish out of her fish tank.

 

I'm living alone, no friends nearby (my friends live about 1.5+ hours away) and though this is temparary, I think it's adding to my anxieties at a sub-conscious level.

 

I feel like I don't have a lot to look forward to during the week (beyond work) and I'm lonely, I guess.

 

I hate admitting all of this, but it's the truth and I have to get through this. I'm so tired of feeling lonely, left out, and anxious. I want to be the "old" me again.

 

Now that I think about it, the anxiety really started when my parents split up about 5 years ago. My dad plummeted into alcohol and my mom is now jobless and trying hard as ever to get back on her feet. Both of my parents never ever call me and I'm tired of always being the one to make the effort with them.

 

My grandma is dying and I feel like I have no family left. Since I'll likely be spending xmas alone, I am thinking of volunteering with seniors who have no family to spend xmas with. At least, that should help to put all this "stuff" into perspective.

 

There, I feel a bit better now for "putting it all out there."

 

Thoughts??? Am I overreacting???

[Green]

well sounds like you have a job you like, although you need to figure some trick or hit some routine so that you can feel a little less nervouse doing it. I'm working a job I hate right now so I almost dont even care if I get fired almost. If I were you Id just tell yourself the same thing see if you dont care and just enjoy it maybe you wont get nervouse. Your in your twenties which is all grown up but some times you feel like a kid too, that sucks that your parents dont call you back but I'm sure they care. And your grandma dying is hard to but most people our age dont even have grandparents any more. Religiouse people dont always just talk about god all the time so maybe you could make friends with some of them by going to a church social or something. Being lonely sucks but most people go through it, your a very attractive person and I could see an openess and a vulnrebility in you that will draw people toward you if you let them in and go and try to make some friends. That is so great what you plan on doing for christmas, your almost too good so I hope you really do feel better!

[SummerRae]

well sounds like you have a job you like, although you need to figure some trick or hit some routine so that you can feel a little less nervouse doing it. I'm working a job I hate right now so I almost dont even care if I get fired almost. If I were you Id just tell yourself the same thing see if you dont care and just enjoy it maybe you wont get nervouse. Your in your twenties which is all grown up but some times you feel like a kid too, that sucks that your parents dont call you back but I'm sure they care. And your grandma dying is hard to but most people our age dont even have grandparents any more. Religiouse people dont always just talk about god all the time so maybe you could make friends with some of them by going to a church social or something. Being lonely sucks but most people go through it, your a very attractive person and I could see an openess and a vulnrebility in you that will draw people toward you if you let them in and go and try to make some friends. That is so great what you plan on doing for christmas, your almost too good so I hope you really do feel better!

 

Awwwe, KMT, you're sooo sweet. Seriously. Thanks for the post, it made my day! **Lots of words of wisdom in there!!**

 

Yes, see you helped to turn my negative thoughts upside down. See what overthinking does to me?! I think, think, think sooo much that it makes it so hard NOT to start believing all the negative thoughts that come to mind.

 

I mean, of course, anyone who searches long enough for their lives' injustices will surely find a good, long list.

 

Life IS hard sometimes. And I know that I'm making everything even harder by focusing so much on my self, which is why I really want to volunteer for a cause I believe in to see how I can get through this by helping someone who has less than me.

 

I guess, the truth is, sometimes I feel like my life is so screwed up. Then yesterday I cracked open this old book on my bookshelf called "Change Your Life in 30 Days" and read the foreword, the author--Rhonda something--went through a hell of a lot more than I have. When she was 14 years old, her father killed her mother and then himself in the head--all in front of her!! I mean, that is HARDSHIP. She ended up writing this book to help other people make their lives the way they desire... I think I'm going to read more of it later.

 

The truth is, though I love my work (well, the causes), I am missing the Passion in my life that comes from being so adamently involved in something you love that you lose track of what you are doing, what time it is, and are living IN THE MOMENT.

 

Perhaps focusing on someone else's pain and hardship is just what I need to get myself out of this negative-self tailspin...

[Green]

sounds good. I like doing both reading about people who had it way worse then me like that guy born with no arms and legs but he bacame a wrestler and had a gf, and gives speeches to people. and I also enjoy watching people with silly problems who make a big deal about it like on court TV.

[SummerRae]

sounds good. I like doing both reading about people who had it way worse then me like that guy born with no arms and legs but he bacame a wrestler and had a gf, and gives speeches to people. and I also enjoy watching people with silly problems who make a big deal about it like on court TV.

 

LOL, me too!! Perhaps it is true: misery loves company?

[napoleandynamite]

First of all Summer, I want to tell you I am sorry for the way you have been feeling lately. Certainly, I can empathize with you...if you view my previous posts, that could have been some of the causes for my recent job loss. My job prior to this, I suffered a great deal of anxiety disorder, espcially social anxiety and frequent panic attacks (3-4 a day at least!). This anxiety effected my work performance...and perhaps my co-workers at the time thought I was careless or odd, maybe both because being the way that I was, I made careless errors, I wasn't "there" all the time (because I was busy freaking out to a point where I felt like I was having an out of body experience). Yes, I got "tongue-tied" too...that was REALLY embarrassing because I sounded either like I had an speech impediment or I was drunk! Believe me, I have been in your place...

 

A coworker approaches you with a simple question or just makes small talk by asking you how your weekend was...and you start feeling like you have tunnel vision, sweating, not even hearing what they are saying because you are so anxiety-ridden, and then it's time to answer and they think your a ditz because you couldn't comprehend the question.

 

Or the phone rings, and you can't remember the name of the caller and what they want because your short-term memory worsens when your so incredibly nervous...when it comes time to transfer a call, you look like you don't know what you're doing!

 

There are thousands of nervous incidents that occur from this disease. And I say "disease" because anxiety is a disease, like any other and you just have to deal with it. As I stated to you before, I totally empthasize and I know what you're going through, but you will need to get help for this. Take it from me, if you don't treat it now, it's going to get worse and your boss and co-workers will get frustrated with your performance and behavior and they could wind up letting you go. I know that's tough to take right now, and hearing this is probably the last thing you need at this momment and time, but it is surely possible this could happen. It's terrific you and your boss are a good match, but never assume you have security in the world of business, because if your personal problems are not being treated and taken over they will have to make the tough decision.

 

My advice is to seek counseling ASAP. Medical insurance usually covers therapy. Also, see a doctor about trying meds. You may want to try xanex (which lasts four hours-and you can't consume alcohol on this either) or even Lexopro (a drug that controls anxiety disorder for 24 hours). Go for counseling first. Maybe there's a reason why you feel more anxiety in just the workplace mainly; you just may not realize the cause because it's buried so far deep into your unconcious. If there is no improvement, then see a regular MD or a psychiatrist and they can prescribe drugs for your anxiety.

 

In the meantime, try to talk yourself out of your panic when you are at work. Think to yourself...do I really need this controlling my life?

 

Good luck and I hope you feel better!

[SummerRae]

A coworker approaches you with a simple question or just makes small talk by asking you how your weekend was...and you start feeling like you have tunnel vision, sweating, not even hearing what they are saying because you are so anxiety-ridden, and then it's time to answer and they think your a ditz because you couldn't comprehend the question.

 

Or the phone rings, and you can't remember the name of the caller and what they want because your short-term memory worsens when your so incredibly nervous...when it comes time to transfer a call, you look like you don't know what you're doing!

 

 

OH MY GOODNESS Napoleandynamite--THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart, I mean that.

 

 

Every single thing you said here hit the nail on the head. I never thought I could not have found someone who understands this as much as you do. So, forgive me for my delight. LOL.

 

 

Honestly, this anxiety disease is tough as hell. Sometimes it feels like I'm some alien from another planet. I know much of it is in my head, but it's paralizing. I sooo know what you mean about answer the phone and forgetting names!! Unfortunately, I work in an industry where names are everything and losing my short term memory is detremental (SP??). It's sooo embarassing. When I'm talking clearly, I feel like I've been graced by God and am on fire, that's how rare it is!!

 

 

Especially when I feel intimidated by someone, which happens with the drop of a bloody hat. I feel sometimes like I'm so incredibly fragile that I could break at the drop of a hat. It is so f-ing painful. I finally made a counselling apt. and just the act of doing that made me feel amazing. I know it's good because I have done it before.

 

 

The strange thing is that when I went to counselling last time, I did not have social anxiety like this. I do not understand how it could just come over me so badly. I feel like of everything I do, hiding is my top priority. Hiding me, my inner self and feelings is of utmost importance because if anyone were to see the real me they would be disgusted. That's how I feel. I know in my mind of minds that it is ridiculous. That I am a smart, gregarious person, but when I am overcome by this anxiety, I completely forget all this.

 

I feel like everyone is laughing and annoyed w/ me. It's so weird. I just want to shine again. I just want to be my old, happy-go-lucky self. This is f-ing torture.

 

I definitely agree w/ you though, it must be super, duper subconscious. Hope this therapy will help.

 

Have you been going to therapy?? I'm going to check out your posts.

 

Thanks again for your replay. Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.

 

((HUGS))

Summer

[Chupacabra]

I lived with anxiety all of my life until I finally did something about it. I got a diagnosis and now I take anxiety meds. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING changed for the better. Good luck.

[Green]

I lived with anxiety all of my life until I finally did something about it. I got a diagnosis and now I take anxiety meds. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING changed for the better. Good luck.

 

 

Welcome to LS, and what are some of the things you can do now, or enjoy doing now that you didnt b4

[napoleandynamite]

I went to therapy on and off for many years...not much helped, but that doesn't mean it wont work for you.

 

I hope you feel better and all goes well. I'm glad I helped you out a little bit. Feel free to chat anytime!

[JCD]

I'm the same way. However it's all in our heads. For example, when giving speech, concentrate on the topic and not your performance. When listening to someone and you miss out sentences because you're too anxious to comprehend it at once, ask the person to say it again. What you lack is confidence. Confidence comes from making lots of mistakes and knowing that thru it all you will come on the other end just fine. Also, talk to people and reveal your inner self to them and don't think about how they're going to view you. You can't be perfect in everyone's eyes so don't try. Try to view life less seriously, joke around because it relaxes you and you forget about being self conscious. I used to be serious, trying to remain smart at all times, etc. but now in my work I'm a goof ball but people know when crap hits the fan I'm back to being serious. I show my emotions and don't hide them. Most of all I realize I'm not perfect and am screwed up like rest of the people. That helps others accept you and relate to you.

[SummerRae]

Thanks JCD!!! Your words were extremely insightful, so insightful in fact, that I am going to print your response and put it on my fridge!! :-) Thanks again!!

[Guest]

SA can be something that starts in one part of your life and spreads like a wild fire through the rest of your life until you forget where the fire started in the first place. Once you realize that and decided you would rather not keep putting out fire after fire you will take the time to trace back to the cause and that is what i recently did. I discovered everything was stemming from the remorse i held regarding the end of a relationship and because i didn't do the 'work' to come to grips with that, everything else in my life was viewed within the notion it is better to do nothing and not mess up than to do something and be accountable. Well, i no longer an burden by that because i no longer dwell in the past and the what might have beens. It has made all the difference and I am glad I took the time to develop an understanding of who i was, who i am now, and what skills i need to succeed in life.

 

I hope this helps

[Guest]

Well if it helps, reading your post makes me feel less lonely myself because I feel like I know you..

 

So, next time you're at work just imagine... exactly 1,415 miles below you is some dude sitting in his room posting the same exact questions. And then maybe you'll forget about that totally perfect coworker and his pressed slacks with coffe stains on it. Just stare at his shoes and think of his toes.

[Love Hurts]

Hi SummerRae,

 

I never had an anxiety attack until a few years ago.

My physician suggested I try a trial packet of Prozac. Ok so I took one it was great. My cat…that I love dearly could have died that day.. and I would have laughed to death. Nothing and I mean nothing bothered me that special day.

 

Over the next two days the second and third pill I took didn’t have the same affect on me. It just wasn’t any fun. So I stopped trying them out and just focused on where my stress was coming from.

 

It was from a dear friend of mine that was in total stress at the thought of going blind. He was not dealing with it well.

Therefore I heard and felt his thoughts and feelings, I carried his pain and torment inside and I couldn’t take it.

 

Solution……… I had to not talk to him as much… avoid him more and lucky for me.. I found a new focus…..I happened to have met a great guy that I eventually called my boyfriend. My focus was diverted to a new direction and my anxiety completely disappeared. Only then was I able to be around my blinding friend without feeling his stress and pain. (He also calmed down around me … (perhaps because I didn’t stir as easily?) He has since accepted his blindness and is taking white cane classes.

 

Could it be circumstances in your life are overwhelming and their may be one or more individuals that you are too sensitive to?

It may be worth a deeper look.

Also……..know this…. The worlds people all have problems…some just disguise, hide or deal with it better than others.

 

 

Another technique is to forget self……… How?...

When a co -worker approaches you…..

Tell yourself that person is the most important person in your life……..and what they say matters (this technique is to totally fool yourself into believing its true)

This may help with the tunnel vision…. And you may stay focused on what they say at the moment.

 

With practice you may leave yourself at the door and simply do a job well done each day putting job and others first. Tell yourself you pick up your baggage at the end of the day and deal with it later….

Eventually the baggage may get lighter.

(I personally practiced this one when I lost my boyfriend and was broken hearted)

 

J.O.Y. – Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last. = JOY

 

Your not alone out there

Take care.