oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Ok let's do a row call here. How many OM who met a MW, had a relationship and the MW actually initiated seperation and divorce. Let's here your stories. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I think this is going to be a short thread... lol. I'd love to say that I'm one of those OMs... someday perhaps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Well I am the OM taking a break while the MW sorts out what she wants. Told her I am not interested in a triangle. She broke up with me but 4 days later came crawling back. Now we are waiting 1 month boil down NC, let see what happens. I will keep the forum updated. Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Good luck to you, brother. I'm sure it's not going to be easy, but you are to be commended for doing something I don't think I could do... yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Good luck to you, brother. I'm sure it's not going to be easy, but you are to be commended for doing something I don't think I could do... yet. thanks 31 days countdown thread haha I told her in 31 days if she says she loves me, she has to walk the talk. 1-Leave her husband 2-Sign the seperation paper 3-Try to end it peacefully 4-Explain to him that it is not personal (incompatibility, etc) 5-Move out 6-Finalize seperation of assets 7-Once dust settles, stop communication with him and his family. Basically I am using this approach "I have to let her go. You know that saying? "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours. If not it was never meant to be." That means come back....on her own, not through pressure from you." Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 2 years of being OM. Not a whirlwind physical affair, but with out a doubt a very strong emotional affair. She and her kids are moving in over Christmas break. 4 kids, 3 of them teenagers. GOD HELP MY SANITY!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 2 years of being OM. Not a whirlwind physical affair, but with out a doubt a very strong emotional affair. She and her kids are moving in over Christmas break. 4 kids, 3 of them teenagers. GOD HELP MY SANITY!!!!! does money grow on trees where you live? geez 4 kids??? I hope she comes with a bit of money and assets into your relationship. Lots of people perceive Affair as an all physical thing and are surprise the emotional part outweight and keep the relationship going stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 does money grow on trees where you live? geez 4 kids??? I hope she comes with a bit of money and assets into your relationship. Lots of people perceive Affair as an all physical thing and are surprise the emotional part outweight and keep the relationship going stronger. I have been doing well supporting me and my 2 boys. And she does have a pretty decent job, and will have no problems helping out. Shes bringing what they need. It actually wont be bad at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 I think I got to get busy real soon, 31 days will go by fast with the holidays. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Does she have kids?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Does she have kids?? no kids she is afraid if she goes with me that I dump her down the road for a younger woman. she is still staying with her husband because no matter what he won't leave her. He has girlfriends left and right. She does not love him anymore but feels guilty to hurt him. Been married 5years but together 18years. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 no kids she is afraid if she goes with me that I dump her down the road for a younger woman. she is still staying with her husband because no matter what he won't leave her. He has girlfriends left and right. She does not love him anymore but feels guilty to hurt him. Been married 5years but together 18years. Ok, I get you and ratingsguy confused at times. knew one of you were involved with a MW with kids. Wanted that clearded up before we addressed your list. 1: Obvious. And doing this while in NC with you is an excellent idea. She shouldnt be leaving him for you it should be for HER. Yeah its nice to know your there, but your not a sure thing down the road. 2: Needs to be done to protect her. Unless seperation papers are filed she is still responsible for any debts ran up by him. 3: Good luck. 4: But it IS personal. No matter what its personal. Its about her feelings for HIM or lack there of. 5: Should have been taken care of with number 1. 6: Will be done through the divorce. If all goes well it should be a short process, but it can also be what drags it out the longest. 7: I have issues with this one. If she has developed relationships with some of his family that she wants to continue, she should be able to. I myself still have a good relationship with my ex wife nephews and see them on a regular basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Ok, I get you and ratingsguy confused at times. knew one of you were involved with a MW with kids. Wanted that clearded up before we addressed your list. 1: Obvious. And doing this while in NC with you is an excellent idea. She shouldnt be leaving him for you it should be for HER. Yeah its nice to know your there, but your not a sure thing down the road. 2: Needs to be done to protect her. Unless seperation papers are filed she is still responsible for any debts ran up by him. 3: Good luck. 4: But it IS personal. No matter what its personal. Its about her feelings for HIM or lack there of. 5: Should have been taken care of with number 1. 6: Will be done through the divorce. If all goes well it should be a short process, but it can also be what drags it out the longest. 7: I have issues with this one. If she has developed relationships with some of his family that she wants to continue, she should be able to. I myself still have a good relationship with my ex wife nephews and see them on a regular basis. Glad you approached this first. I wanted to leave the "guys" alone for a bit. Expecting to resolve all those items in the month of December is setting the bar really high. To be honest...well, let's just say I wouldn't respond favourably to anyone who set out a list like that for me. No matter how much I loved him. In my opinion #s 1 and 5 are totally doable (now that I know there are no kids involved - though the time of year is not a great one for this type of thing) #2 Getting the documents drawn up, reviewed by lawyers, and signed etc... is not necessarily a quick process. If #3 (peacefully) doesn't happen, it will be that much more difficult. #4 - well bonehead said it all. In my case, the assets were distributed within the separation agreement. As for #7 - well that would be a dealbreaker for me. No one tells me who I can or cannot have contact with. Especially people who have been a part of my life for the past 18 years. Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 #2 Getting the documents drawn up, reviewed by lawyers, and signed etc... is not necessarily a quick process. If #3 (peacefully) doesn't happen, it will be that much more difficult. The seperation is fairly quick. Filing a divorce is a little longer process. All the seperation does is legally say she isnt responsible for any debts he incurs. If she truly wants out she shouldnt file for seperation she should file for divorce. Huge difference. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 7-Once dust settles, stop communication with him and his family. Because of their kids, this can't happen. Those kids have to have him in their lives, as well as their grandparents, his parents. And at some point, ofcourse there can be limited contact between MW and her ex inlaw's, but for the sake of the kids, noone should be avoiding eachother! The better everybody gets along, the happier those kids are going to be. Its' gonna be hard enough if this move happens. That's ALOT of changes happening quickly. Can I ask? Is this your plan or is this something that is actually going to happen, like you two have sat and discussed this and the kids know what's going on etc? Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 looks like you made the same mistake I was making when I first read this. Ratingsguy has the MW with kids. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I think I better read this full thread from start to finish and see where I messed up! Sorry 'bout that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 bonehead and can'tgive up, thanks a million ok now I get a better perspective of keeping in contact with her husband family and himself because of 18years of being together. I have never been with someone that long therefore this forum gives me perspective from more experience people. I don't expect her to wrap everything up in 31 days. Just stop going back and forth. Chose 1 direction and stick with it. The back and forth is simple to explain She says she loves me, but he brainwashed her with fabricated stories about me to scare her off. Playing her sense of security side. That slowed her down. But she saw thru those non sense stories (I was a player, had tons of sexual partners, had a criminal past, stole from my ex-girlfriends etc) She only knows me for 7-8 months and him for 18+years so the fact she listen to him is not surprising. She can't go with me because she is afraid I will dump her for yonger woman down the road. She is older than me. She can't stay with him because of emotional, physical abuse, cheating etc. She knows 1 thing, he won't leave her so this provides what she calls security even if she is miserable. I told her I wanted her for longterm relationship, willing to make a kid with her, stay by her forever but I told her in life nothing is garantee. I can be hit by a truck tomorrow. I hope with the NC that they will realize if there is anything left. IF she leaves, it will be for her own reasons. If she stays, she can't call me for emotinal support. The way I see it, if she still can't come to a conclusion (direction) then life goes on for me as this is too much headache Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 2 years of being OM. Not a whirlwind physical affair, but with out a doubt a very strong emotional affair. She and her kids are moving in over Christmas break. 4 kids, 3 of them teenagers. GOD HELP MY SANITY!!!!! Yeah this is what got my attention...And I'm still confused after reading the other posts...Ahhk, give me a day or two. It's after midnight! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 7 Because of their kids, this can't happen. Those kids have to have him in their lives, as well as their grandparents, his parents. And at some point, ofcourse there can be limited contact between MW and her ex inlaw's, but for the sake of the kids, noone should be avoiding eachother! The better everybody gets along, the happier those kids are going to be. Its' gonna be hard enough if this move happens. That's ALOT of changes happening quickly. Can I ask? Is this your plan or is this something that is actually going to happen, like you two have sat and discussed this and the kids know what's going on etc? no kids, but I am willing to make her one when dust settles and it is stable relationship Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Yeah this is what got my attention...And I'm still confused after reading the other posts...Ahhk, give me a day or two. It's after midnight! You quoted me, and Im not saying NC with her ex. lack of sleep sucks doesnt it Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 lack of sleep sucks doesnt it Yup it does. I've had a migrain on and off today, thanks to the wintery weather that decided to pay a visit. no kids, but I am willing to make her one when dust settles and it is stable relationship Can I ask what the age difference is? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Yup it does. I've had a migrain on and off today, thanks to the wintery weather that decided to pay a visit. Can I ask what the age difference is? she is 7years older than me sleep is good for headaches Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Seven years isnt that bad. Isnt it funny though that it doesnt seem to phase anyone when a man is involved with someone 7-10 years younger, but woman worry about the guy being younger. My soon to be DMW is 5 years older then me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 7 years is nothing! I thought you were talking like 15 or something. Yup, sleep is good and hopefully after I take afew more advil, sleep will happen! (Not sure what the limit is a day, but I'm already at 8 for today) Isnt it funny though that it doesnt seem to phase anyone when a man is involved with someone 7-10 years younger, but woman worry about the guy being younger. For years it's always been older men, younger women...And now I see many older woman (AKA Cougars) with younger men. And I'm talking like 15-20 year age gaps! Link to post Share on other sites
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