missydismay Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 This is long, but I really appreciate you reading, everyone. This is probably going to be one of the most messed up truly real stories you'll hear in awhile. So. In about January of this year, I met this couple. We'll call them Nick and Nadine. Nadine and I were co-workers, and when I met her boyfriend, Nick, of about two years, we all three hit it off so well, we were inseparable. At work and in our social circle we were usually known as "Three's Company" or "The Three Musketeers". We rushed into this big huge family-like relationship with each other for some weird reason. And when I say our relationship was weird, it was freaking WEIRD. If I told people about it, they wouldn't believe me. We all three would sleep in the same bed. We would have sleepovers at my place. If Nadine was at work, Nick and I would go out. If Nick was at work, Nadine and I would go out. They were in love with me, and I was in love with both of them. So! This spring, we all decided to move in together, since I was at their house every night anyways. Yes, indeed. We signed a year long lease. That's when things got ugly. We still had our three-way sleepovers. There was nothing sexual about them...that is, until one evening when we were all going to a party. Nadine decided that she was going to let Nick and I have sex, if she didn't have to watch. She gave us a condom and told us she would see us in half an hour or so. So, hell, that's what we did. The next day, Nadine was a little irked at herself for letting me sleep with her boyfriend. But, it didn't matter, because later, all was forgotten and we were all in love again. Oh, but Nick got a taste of me and couldn't go back, and we decided that maybe we shouldn't tell anyone if we had anymore "accidental run-ins". It became our obsession. We would write down the times Nadine went to work and make sure to 'finish' at least an hour beforehand, just in case. This went on for months. I knew it didn't mean anything, he and I were friends and she was his girlfriend...but I couldn't help but feel insanely jealous. Yes, I started to get jealous! And that's when I realized that this was more than weird friendship...I was, horrifyingly enough, in love with him! When I realized that, it was when I started to loathe Nadine with a deep and horrible passion. It was slow at first, and then it became a real deep seated hatred. I hated everything about her. I hated her face, and her clothes, and the way she smelled, and the music she listened to, and the way she walked. I hated Nick for loving her instead of me. Or pretending to. And then, when I had a short fling with Nick's friend, he was jealous too. I could tell! He told me that I could do what I wanted but he didn't like to share. He told me every time I did anything with his friend I was "screwing him over". I stopped seeing his friend. About two months into our year long lease together, I broke away from the "family". I couldn't stand it anymore. I hated Nadine so much I wanted to murder her, and I loved Nick so terribly and hated him at the same time, I couldn't look at his face. I started staying at another friend's house and my parent's house every night (where I am now). Nadine, horrified at the fact that I wasn't her "daughter" anymore, took all of my possessions and shoved them in my room. She went through all my stuff and took everything that was hers or remotely hers...down to the pencil I used for homework! ! She went psychotic with her anger at me, all because I didn't "come home" for two weeks. She spread rumors about me at work, telling everyone how "psychotic" I was! She even got Nick on her side. And it made me SO ANGRY whenever I complained about him being on her side, because everyone's response was, "Well, she IS his girlfriend!" He doesn't speak to me anymore. How can he even call her his girlfriend anymore? He clearly doesn't love her enough to not cheat on her for months. I just want to make her miserable. I hate her so much. I want to make her so miserable and I just want to tell her about Nick and me. He would hate me forever if I did it but I think it would be worth it. Cheating is a two-way street...and he's not getting any karmic backwash for it. I am. My two best friends hate me. Isn't that enough from the universe? What's happened to him but two women are in love with him and would do anything for him? I was wondering if I should give him an ultimatum...you tell her or I do. She WILL know. I will not take all the blame for this. I know, my story is absolutely ludicrous, but it's true. Please give me some sort of input on what I should do. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostgurl Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Wow this is quite the mess you've gotten your self into, If i was in your shoes, i would remove myself from the situation completely. What will you gain if you ruin their relationship too? You will not only destroy your best friends relationship, but you will make yourself look very bad in the process. You have betrayed your "best friend" Nadine terribly, you and Nick were having an affair behind her back. Do you want everyone at work to know about your sordid affair? Remember you have to work with this person, and more importantly, all you will do is hurt alot of people in the process. You speak of Karma so you must believe in it, all of this will come back to you three fold. Don't make it any worse than it already is Walk away. Take care, Lost Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I second what lost said. Walk away and focus on getting yourself stable. What you allowed to happen was awful, what happened to you, to the couple -- all consenting "adults" but really, how adult-like is this behavior? Focus on you and separate yourself from the situation. Maybe in a few years you will get some perspective on this puzzling situation. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I think you should definitely tell nadine, simply because she deserves to know! For the above posters and anyone else of their opinion...if your partner/spouse was cheating on you, wouldn't you want to know that? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I think you should definitely tell nadine, simply because she deserves to know! My guess is that Nadine already does know and just hasn't addressed it. I can't imagine many women spending several months living under the same roof as their boyfriend and another woman and not cottoning onto any funny business that's going on. Not that I think Miss Dismay should be raising the subject with her. It's hard to imagine a disclosure about that being handled well on either side, in light of this... I couldn't stand it anymore. I hated Nadine so much I wanted to murder her, and I loved Nick so terribly and hated him at the same time Miss D....you need to focus on practicalities like maybe looking for a new job (so that you're not working with your former housemate) and finding out where you stand on the lease. Are the two Ns likely to chase after you for unpaid rent, or can you be released from all tenancy obligations? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Therapy. YOu need some serious time with a therapist to help you get past this mess. Hatred, murder, loathing...this isn't healthy for you to carry around. Link to post Share on other sites
BabyPhoenix Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I agree with the other respondents. However . . . I am just going to throw this one out there for you to ponder: Is it possible, that since you were so in love with them both, that you could enter into a poly-amorous relationship with them (both)? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I agree with the other respondents. However . . . I am just going to throw this one out there for you to ponder: Is it possible, that since you were so in love with them both, that you could enter into a poly-amorous relationship with them (both)? I highly doubt that feelings of murderous rage describe being "so in love". Link to post Share on other sites
BabyPhoenix Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I highly doubt that feelings of murderous rage describe being "so in love". True, but I did not imply that, or put words in her mouth. Just making reference to the following, which in retrospect I should have included in my statement: They were in love with me, and I was in love with both of them. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 It's possible Nadine wanted to be the dominant female in a polyamory relationship and felt threatened by the actuality of the situation. I agree she has a general idea of what went on with you two. You won't get the satisfaction you're seeking from confronting them. It's more likely to backfire on you. Get away from the situation as much as you can, find a new job and possibly talk to a therapist about this. Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 First of all, Nadine is an idiot. WTF. And could she be any more controlling? She ALLOWED you to have sex with, what'd you call him, Nick? Whatever. THEN, you moved out. This pissed her off and she flipped out. Again. WTF??!! You said she sees you as a "daughter." How old are these people? How old are you? And don't even get me started on Nick. Nadine clearly has his balls in a vice. She must be something else. She has the two of you dancing like puppets. Get the F**K out, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit and put this whole freaky experience behind you. Link to post Share on other sites
missydismay Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I agree. The whole story is truly truly messed up. I should write a book about it. Three totally freaking insane people (yes, I am insane) with their pseudo menages a trois. O'Malley, I agree completely with your statement about how she wanted to be the dominant female in a polyamory relationship with us and then got scared about it. Oh, believe me, that subject was approached MANY a time by our misunderstanding coworkers who had no idea how to figure the three of us out...the weird thing about Nadine is, I know she had feelings for me. There were times when the two of us would be watching a movie or something and she would play footsie with me or try to hold my hand while I was sleeping. I usually let her. (Nick would do that to me too.) I think when I went back to my (NORMAL) friends and temporarily moved out she got jealous and that's when she went into a rage. BenThere, we are all the same age...Nick is a year older than both of us. Last night I was completely wasted and I called his work from a bathroom in the bar, fortunately, he wasn't working last night (he works third shift). Or else the crap would have hit the fan, probably. I am in kind of a new relationship right now (that's another long story I won't get into) and things went sort of downhill with it last night, and that makes me want to ruin their relationship even more. So god help me, I need SOMEthing to keep me from letting her know about the whole mess. Link to post Share on other sites
goodfriendeva Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 and he clearly doesnt love you back.. otherwise he would of left her right.. you guys were friends even thought she gave you permission you didnt have to take it to that level.. and im sure you has a good idea about your guys sexcapades.. if i were you id just let him go.. move on with your life.. other guys out there just next time dont mess around with one thats already 'taken' Link to post Share on other sites
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