How mean do you have to be when rejecting a friend?

[Antheia]

I have known this guy for over a year. We work together and I see him every day. I guess we are friends and have chats about everything often. He expressed his interest in me early on and I told him that he is a great guy but I just want to be friends. He seemed fine with that and I kept on talking to him as if nothing has happened. I wouldn't say I was ever flirting with him, but he might think differently. I nicely rejected all his offers to hang out outside of work with excuses that I have something else to do.

 

He kept giving me compliments all the time and I gave him none. I admit to often seeking him out at work when I'm having a slow day or when I'm bored. I'm comfortable talking to him but I wouldn't say we have any sort of amazing connection. Just generic stuff and I did ask him for advice on other guys - I thought that was a pretty clear signal that I'm not into him.

 

I'm just not attracted to him one bit. For all I care he could be a girl or an alien it'a all the same to me.

 

Situation came to a head recently when he insisted on taking me out as friends if I don't want anything "more". I gave him a wishy washy answer but he kept pressuring me. He even kept saying how he knows that deep down I like him, how he can see it in my eyes

 

I ended up firmly telling him that I only want to be friends and that even if we go out as friends I know that he would want more and that I would only end up breaking his heart. He then got angry and accused me of leading him on.

 

I mean I don't really care if I lose him as a friend - he got too attached which makes me uncomfortable. I just want to know did I handle this situation correctly? I often find myself in situations like this and am never quite sure what to do.

[CardPlay3r]

Yes you did, you told him several times you wanted friendship not romance...if he doesn't get it that's not your fault

[silentalways]

instead of being 'mean' try the opposite [kindness] - it might just work. over the last year i have seen the absolute worse in people [including myself]. during the year mentioned, i have struggled so much, and reached out simply for a kind gesture from someone who knows exactly how it feels to be in my shoes. i wonder how it feels to be that person, a person u spent and planned a future with and u watch the other fall and need help and u simply disappear. u listen and watch and turn a blind eye and ear to someone u supposedly loved and do nothing because its not yer business - yer responsiblity. i wonder how it is to once be with someone and they give their all and when they truly need u, just a call, or an hour of their time, u tell everyone about how horrible they are and do things u know hurts them. i wonder how it is people can treat strangers better. i have never witness this level of utter lack of compassion. i read the 'papers' she filed, and was stuck at how little she really cares. there was one point where she expressed concern for everyone she knows but not once mentioned any such worry or concern about my health, safety or anything remotely close to understanding. she left out tons of facts, told me to be honest and when i did used that against me, and i truly believe that in order to do that u have to hate someone. i have been in pain for over a year because someone i loved so much is like this to me and it has impacted me so much i will never be the same. there is nothing i did during our time together [in fact i did a zillion great things for her] that would ever justify treating someone like she has and i will never forget and never forgive her. if u knew all someone needed to recover was a kind word or 10 minutes of their time for a hug and to accept an apology and all u did what mock and make them out to be a threat and know that doing that would make them sick - then someone tell me what is worse? if i could take back those 4 years and never have met this woman i would do so in a second because that type of emotional hurt is beyond my understanding. i hope she thinks back to all the things we did, what she was like and what she needed back then and takes a look at what she has become - instead of me. i am sure one day it will hit her and she will be ashamed of herself.