Am I just ungrateful?

[sjj1970]

Am I just ungrateful? I've been married for 17 years, we have 2 kids but I just don't feel I love him anymore. I want someone else- but I don't know who.

He provides for us, works long hours, does everything he possibly can. I've ventured down an academic route, which is kinda taking me further away from him, but it doesn't worry me.

 

Have we reached the end of the road as a couple? Why do I yearn for love?

 

I sound selfish I know, but I can't help feeling this way.

[KittenMoon]

Have you TRIED to rekindle the love? Taken a vacation together? Done the activites you used to have fun doing together before you had kids? Talked to him about improving your marriage?

 

Sometimes all you need to do is LET yourself feel the emotions again, and take the steps relight the fire.

 

If you haven't tried anything, or been honest and talked to him about this, then yes, you are being ungrateful, and a little selfish.

[JackJack]

Am I just ungrateful? I've been married for 17 years, we have 2 kids but I just don't feel I love him anymore. I want someone else- but I don't know who.

He provides for us, works long hours, does everything he possibly can. I've ventured down an academic route, which is kinda taking me further away from him, but it doesn't worry me.

 

Have we reached the end of the road as a couple? Why do I yearn for love?

 

I sound selfish I know, but I can't help feeling this way.

 

 

How do you know you want someone else unless there IS someone else? Or maybe you just think you do since you feel you are both on different paths right now. It happens sometimes, but have you thought about marriage counseling? Does your husband know how you feel? Perhaps you are both just out of sync right now, with you being on a more academic route then him, but it doesn't mean your marriage is over.

[sjj1970]

We've talked- as far as he will. It's usually ' Do what you need to do' ' I always thought you'd leave me one day anyway'. Which doesn't solve the problem. It's as though he's resigned himself to the fact that I will go- I'm due to gain my Doctorate very soon and he feels he's a 'dumb grease monkey' (his words not mine), and yes I've tried to convince him otherwise, but I am really just trying to convince myself.

We had a wonderful weekend in Paris, but as soon as we were home it was back to normal. I try so very, very hard to love him. But it's getting harder.

There is no one else- but I do sometimes wish there was, then at least I'd have a reason to feel so lousy about the whole situation.

[KittenMoon]

We've talked- as far as he will. It's usually ' Do what you need to do' ' I always thought you'd leave me one day anyway'. Which doesn't solve the problem. It's as though he's resigned himself to the fact that I will go- I'm due to gain my Doctorate very soon and he feels he's a 'dumb grease monkey' (his words not mine), and yes I've tried to convince him otherwise, but I am really just trying to convince myself.

We had a wonderful weekend in Paris, but as soon as we were home it was back to normal. I try so very, very hard to love him. But it's getting harder.

There is no one else- but I do sometimes wish there was, then at least I'd have a reason to feel so lousy about the whole situation.

 

Two people need to work at a relationship, not one.

 

Ask if him if he's going to put any work into your relationship, such as increasing effort, making you feel loved, or seeing a marriage counselor with you.

 

If he is, give him a chance to do something. If he won't, then you'd probably be better off w/o him. That passive agressive "I always thought you'd leave me" BS is nothing but damaging to a person.

[BareGoddess]

Sounds like you're going through a mid-life crisis. I think this will pass. Try to get closer to your husband.

 

You said Paris was great together. Can't you carry those feelings over into your everyday life? Have you told him how great it was and that you want to continue like that? I would write him a letter if you can't tell him.

 

All long term marriages go through phases like this. Doesn't mean it has to be a PERMANENT phase. You really can turn this around together.

[Naive]

Yes, it actually does sound selfish.

 

If your H is doing all the things that he mentioned, why would you not want him? Why not focus on those good things and try to rekindle the romance.

 

Have you told him how you feel? Maybe he can help you find the love you have lost for him. I think that after 17 years it worth a try to make it work.