boyfriend cheated and can't get over it.

[flutterbylove31]

My boyfriend and I had gone out for almost four and a half years when I found out he had cheated on me four months ago with a girl he worked with. I was told by a mutual friend of ours who knew and thought I should know too. When I confronted him he admitted it and swore he would never do it again (and I believe him). We have now been going out for 5 years and doing well, we're engaged! However, I am still upset about him cheating. It's been 9 months since I've found out but am finding myself still crying at night over what happened. I don't know what to do, we're happy and I know we are meant to be together but yet it's 4am in the morning, I can't sleep and have been crying all night. That's why I am here. Help me get past this please! I am fine when I am with him and during the day. He didn't have an affair, he spent about three days with this other girl and did not have intercourse but did many other things (if you get my drift). They went on a date even where he held her hand in the movies. This almost upsets me more than the physical stuff between them. I can't explain why. I guess because it wasn't just physical, he spent time with her and enjoyed her enough to go to the movies with her and hold her hand. I know that sounds dumb but...and I really do believe he won't do it again because she wanted to rent a hotel room with him and he kept turning her down and then quit his job to get away from her. He later told me that him cheating made him realize that I was the one he wanted to be with. After that he spent all summer saving up money to buy me the ring. He had the ring a couple months before he proposed because he had wanted to tell me and would not propose to me unless he came clean. so we're happy now, but I still cry at night and can't sleep. What can help me get over this?

[BeReal]

How about you get some counseling? Even marriage counseling and don't get married unless you can resolve this. Don't even set a date yet. I have heard that you can't move on if you don't feel your partner has acknowledged the pain he's caused you. Is this the case? This is a serious issue. You say you are happy but you are crying and can't sleep. That doesn't sound too happy. If you want to try to save the relationship I think a counselor is your best bet.

[Mr. BreakItOffGood]

I would marry the bastard, have some kids with him and then one day move across the country, take him to court. Do all of this before he establishes a career so you put him in a no-win situation.

 

Mr. BreakItOffGood

[velvet]

I believe once a cheater always a cheater. The only way for him to learn from a his mistake is to leave him. Yep, it means forever and usually the pain of a break up can last for minutes to years but he will learn not to do it again. Than you have done your good deed and saved him from cheating in the future.

 

Or you can suck it in and try to live with him day after day until eventually the memory fads away. Hopefully he will be faithful and you live happily ever after.

 

Counseling is an idea. Really all counseling is good for is talking about something to death until you've got it all out and can breath again. Consider saving your money, use your b/f as the counseler and talk about it to death to your b/f.

[questionaire]

flutterbylove31

 

are you the type of person who is willing to forget and give him a chance ?

 

if not, bye bye him is the best way

 

if you see that he improves a lot, give him a few months to see how thing goes

 

accept the ring and keep it but you dont say or promise anything. JUST SAY I AM THINKING

 

if you don't like him, bye bye him and keep the ring for FREE

 

before making any major decision, it's best for you to talk to your parents or your friends or couselor or people in this chat room so that you have better idea what to do

 

 

 

best wish

[Angel]

I've been there---after 2.5 years of being together. Same thing. I couldn't get over the cheating---the only reason they didn't sleep together was because she didn't let him, but he courted her! I went to conseling----didn't work---couldn't get over the betrayal. All I could do was think about the betrayal, day and night. I dumped him! He cried---he realized he wanted me--too little too late. I am happy now. You can find someone else--he is a cheater and a liar, don't put your life in his hands! Good luck!