should I back off or ask him what's up?

[31swf]

ok, I've been going out with this guy about 2 months now. Things seem to be going well -we see each other a couple times a week, and he stays over maybe once a week. He's met most of my friends, (although I haven't met any of his). We don't really talk on the phone much, but neither of us are really 'phone people' so it's alright.

We have a good time when we're together, have some common interests, both pretty laid back, sexually things are great.

So I'd like to take things to the next level, and I'm not sure how to do this. I don't want to scare him off.

 

I don't want to have his kids or anything just yet, I'd just like to spend more time together, maybe meet some of his friends, and kinda know definitely where we stand...are we "dating", exclusive? what??

 

Any ideas on the best way to do this??

 

Right now I'm thinking I'll back off and see what happens.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "I'd just like to spend more time together, maybe meet some of his friends, and kinda know definitely where we stand...are we "dating", exclusive? what??

 

Any ideas on the best way to do this??"

 

The best idea I can come up with is to sit him down, tell him how you would like to improve the relationship (meeting friends, etc.) and ask him everything else you want to know (defining the relationship, how he sees it).

 

I see no reason why you should wait for any particular time to ask these questions you rightly deserve the answers to.

 

I really wouldn't be too concerned if I were you. For the time the two of you have been seeing each other, things seem to be reasonably where they should be. Yes, it would be nice to meet some of his friends...unless, of course, he's seeing other people and he wants to keep you hidden.

 

From the perspective of STD's, I certainly think it's looking out for your own best interests and perhaps your life to know if he's having sex with other people.

 

You'll find out soon if you take my advice (and if he's honest with you).

[yes]

Here's a diff-t opinion for you

 

I'm personally not a big fan of these "talks".

 

While I would defenitely ask if he's sleeping with any other people just for safety reasons (STDs, etc), but I don't think I'd bring up the subject of how he sees the relationship or anything like that ... I think I'd wait for him to bring it up. Or as a last resort, i'd casually call him my bf & watch the reaction (so that u can follow up with something like "just kiddin'! it's too soon to call you that, isnt it" if necessary).

 

As for not meeting any of his friends- thats slightly strange, and i would say something like -"hey - isnt it weird how uve met so many of my friends and i dunna any of yours?" and see how he reacts ... I would also watch if he _avoids letting you meet his friends, or it just so happened so far.

 

I don't think i'd back off either ... if you feel like seeing him more often - just introduce that matter-of-factly... tell him about something you wanna do, and ask if he wants to come... and again, watch how he reacts to seeing you more...

 

just some thoughts,

-yes

[clia]

You are better off not bringing this up. When women initiate relationship talks, men tend to hear "I want to marry you, I want to be with you forever, I want COMMITMENT" and they freak out. (It doesn't matter what you say, this is what they hear, especially after as short of a time as two months.) It's better to let the guy control the pace of the relationship.

 

Definitely just back off and see what happens. (Since that is your gut instinct!)

 

It sounds to me like things are going just fine. Seeing him twice a week is PLENTY at this stage in the relationship. As things move along more, you will naturally start to spend more time together.

 

Although, I find it a little strange that you haven't met any of his friends yet and he's met some of yours. Does he go out with his friends often? Why haven't you been invited yet? This is another very touchy area. If he doesn't start introducing you to his friends soon, it's usually a pink/red flag that you are a "good for now" girl and he doesn't have any long term intentions. But I wouldn't advise getting whiney and asking why you haven't met them yet. He will invite you along when he's ready.

 

If you desperately need to know whether or not he considers you exclusive (since all those other men are pounding down your door to date you!), you can bring that, and only that, up. But keep it short. Keep it light and casual. Just say you wanted to make sure there were no miscommunications. If you don't hear what you want to hear (i.e. he says he isn't ready for exclusivity), just say "Oh, you're so right. I completely agree." and DROP IT. Don't freak out, cry, get upset, etc. That will send him running away in the opposite direction quickly! Don't say anything about wanting to spend more time together, unless you want to run the risk of freaking him out. As he falls for you, he will want to spend more time with you. You are much better off not forcing the issue, because he may start to feel smothered.

 

Of course, you know this guy better than any of us do. What I've said above is simply my experience based on guys I've known and mistakes I've made.

[Angel]

It is not generally a good idea to have sex with a man unless a talk about exclusivity (the next level) precedes it. Sometimes a man just wants to have a casual sexual relationship and a woman is banking on more---We all learn through trial and error.

 

But what is done is done----don't ask him what he wants; let him know what you want, gently. If he goes for it, you've got a fella, if not, move on.

[velvet]

Set your mind frame so that if you get an answer you don't wont to hear, you wont get too disappointed. I recommend finding what page he is on before investing into anymore of your emotions for him. I would also stop having sex with him until you get what you want from him.

 

Its usually best to bring sex into the picture after the fact you know its only you and him and no other partners involved. Just be casual and straight about it. Talk about it like its not a big deal if he doesn't want to be exclusive.

 

I have asked! Just say are you seeing anyone else because I don't I want you having sex with someone else and than coming back to me. If he says he wants to continue seeing other people than you know he cant bring his space rocket over anymore.

 

The reason that you have not met his friends is a good indication that he is seeing other people with him. Definitely ask about them. Ask him if they are cool and if they would think you are cool. If he continues keeping you in the closet than there is a reason why!

[questionaire]

my best advices for you is

 

if everything is SO FAR SO GOOD, keep it that way

 

in the computer business, there is a quote " if it ain't broken, do not fix it"

 

what i try to say is

 

if he wants to show you his friends or what, he will do soon or later

 

 

you should be very happy that he doesn't talk about his friends much and that means he is not the type who likes to spend more time with friends than girlfriend

 

RELAX and enjoy the moment that you two have

 

your next level doesn't have to be his friends; it can be SOMETHING ELSE.

 

start looking for something else now

 

 

in the end, you don't need your friends or his friends opinion to marry, do you?