Chase_In_Sturgis Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Ok, here's my story... My fiancee left me about 3 months ago. She says that we're done, but her eyes and actions say different. I've tried talking about stuff, and she resists. I've suggested counseling, she says no. She can't/won't deny that she still loves me, that she is still in love with me and still wants to be with me, but hasn't even opened up to the possibility of getting back together. I can say that I know one of the big problems is her mom, who has hated me from the start, has tried numerous times to get her to leave me (6 months ago she tried and my fiancee stopped talking to her mom for 2 months) and who she is currently living with. Now, before any of you suggest "No Contact" that isn't quite possible. We have a child together and her son from her previous marriage IS my son-blood isn't everything, you know-who, if she gets pissed enough at me, I may not get to see. If you have any questions feel free to ask away... Let's hear what you have to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Unfortunately, you are putting more into what she is not saying than what she is saying. You say that her actions say different - there is no way. People don't end a relationship because they dont want to... never happens. I suggest you stop looking at her actions and what she isn't saying and listen to the words she is saying. Telling someone it's over is not easy. If she can say that to you, she means it. Link to post Share on other sites
ChaseInSturgis Posted December 13, 2006 Share Posted December 13, 2006 Unfortunately, you are putting more into what she is not saying than what she is saying. You say that her actions say different - there is no way. People don't end a relationship because they dont want to... never happens. I suggest you stop looking at her actions and what she isn't saying and listen to the words she is saying. Telling someone it's over is not easy. If she can say that to you, she means it. I should have given some examples of what I mean by her actions. Little things that have always been something between us...Like me brushing her hair from her eyes when we talk, her looking into my eyes with the same love in them that has always been there, her letting me touch her in intimate ways (her breast and butt mainly, but even more personal), more recently she showed me a VERY personal piercing, kissing passionately (not often but it has happened more than once), the same day she showed me her piercing we almost made love (and I mean we were in the process of our normal foreplay she was undressed, I was getting there slowly) -she asked me to stop, which I did immediately... And last Thursday she admitted that she is conflicted, I agreed that I thought so too. Any thoughts? I'm more confused than ever and hurting so bad... WTF do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
ChaseInSturgis Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Telling someone it's over is not easy. If she can say that to you, she means it. Also forgot to mention that she has said numerous times (and recently), "I'm not fully ready to let go of you." And that she doesn't mean that as she just wants to be friends. She tells me about things she does, where she is going. Stuff like that. New stuff on top of this... Friday morning at 4:30 a.m. she calls me. Hangs up just before I get to my phone. I call her back, but she doesn't answer right away. Try again and she says that she was just calling to make sure she had cell service-mind you her brother gives her a ride to work every day (and he has a cell), and she could have just sent a text to check that...when I ask her why me instead of these things, she says she didn't think about that. Later when she got home from work, she called me because she knew I was pissed about a text she had sent me, and wanted to "make things right". What the hell? I really could use some advice here. Link to post Share on other sites
Cub Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Well, you don't have to go NC but instead why don't you try limited contact? Talk to her on matters concerning your son but nothing else. Keep everything outside of that subject short and distant (emotion=bad) and just hang in there. If she does still have feelings for you she'll notice the difference and do something, just don't be dissapointed if that something isn't what you want. *shrug* that's all I can offer Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Well, you don't have to go NC but instead why don't you try limited contact? Talk to her on matters concerning your son but nothing else. Keep everything outside of that subject short and distant (emotion=bad) and just hang in there. If she does still have feelings for you she'll notice the difference and do something, just don't be dissapointed if that something isn't what you want. *shrug* that's all I can offer I agree with Cub. That's about all you can do. She sounds immature and not sure of what she wants. You're better off not marrying someone like this. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Actions speak louder than words. She isn't with you now and that's all you have to go on. I say give her time and space to figure herself out. As for no contact, hard with a child but keep the discussions of getting back together OFF the table. Let her do that. Keep all the talking centered around the child and nothing more. The more you try and PULL her back into the relationship the more you will PUSH her away.... Link to post Share on other sites
ChaseInSturgis Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 I agree with Cub. That's about all you can do. She sounds immature and not sure of what she wants. You're better off not marrying someone like this. Can't argue with the fact that she is ACTING immature. She isn't acting like herself at all through this. Some of HER friends have mentioned this to me. In fact she has been trying to pull some of the same crap my daughter's mom has (and my fiancee got so mad about it then). Not arguing about the advice, limited contact is exactly what I'm trying to do right now (well since this weekend more than before)-hard as hell to do, but after our oldest son (like I said, he is hers from a previous marriage...but still my son) decided Sunday that they needed to "talk in private" (and if he told her what he told me he was going to she has plenty to think about-basically that he wants more than anything for us to be a family again, all of us living together and her and I getting married...he's a VERY smart, quite mature kid)...I think if I were to talk to her about anything but the boys, it would definetly push her away. I appreciate everyone's advice and comments...will keep you all posted. Link to post Share on other sites
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