bonehead Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Why do you always leave me with a cliffhanger. A warning sign for what? A man who wont take no from you is a man you wantto avoid Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Gel, he has absolutely no power in his marriage I have witnessed it countless times. It is really pathetic to watch. He takes it for other reasons(long Story). Well if he doesn't like it then that is exactly what I am going to do because I don't like anything he has done to me lately. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 A man who wont take no from you is a man you wantto avoid You guys act like he is going to hurt me in someway. Stop beating around the bush and tell me what you are thinking. These one word blurbs are driving me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 You guys act like he is going to hurt me in someway. Stop beating around the bush and tell me what you are thinking. These one word blurbs are driving me crazy. I see an abusive man. Your going to get hurt one way or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 what physically or mentally or both? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 For sure mentally, that's already happening... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Im worried about both Link to post Share on other sites
oyster Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Gel, he has absolutely no power in his marriage I have witnessed it countless times. bingo, he has no power in his marriage, if he is not management at work or a professional, he lack power there, then you are in big trouble. this Affair is a way to be in control. You might be his only thing he can hang on to as far as control is. Relationship is about equality treatment and not about control (emotional abuse, verbal abuse, etc) Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Thank you oyster!!! GEL has been alot of help, but its nice to have another guy pop in. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I am mad enough to finally follow through with NC. All day I have been with my family and of course my H has had his moments of behavior that pushed me away from him in the first place. Maybe he will never change and maybe we are not meant to be together, but for the kids sake right now it is where i staying. It kills me to give up someone I truly love like my MM, but I know he is so bad for me right now. He only thinks about himself and i am true romantic and if he wanted to he could find a way to be with me. Yes I could continue the affair, but just prolong what is envitable. He wants to be friends, but I can see now that is just a ploy for power. He can power trip on someone else. I hate NC because it is hard to hate someone to the degree you have to continue NC. Should I tell him I am going NC or just stop speaking to him? sorry just thinking aloud. Has been a very bad day. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 I think that you should just stop speaking to him...he doesn't deserve the forewarning... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Take his carrot, and his cake and shove it up his Just dont talk to him. He doesnt need to know your plan Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 How do I know I won't cave on this NC. The drama that goes with is so exhausting. I jut told him two days i would try it his way, but I know I can't. Does that me weak mentally because I cannot maintain a friendship until he figures things out? Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 come up with a PLAN that you know you can stick to Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Any suggestions? DO NOT TALK TO HIM, PERIOD.... Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 how do I avoid seeing him everywhere, plus he thinks I am being childish everytime I do this. Any thought on how to appear like I am in control and not throwing a tantrum and giving him dirty looks from down the block. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Any suggestions? Im the king of planning!!!!! first of all, you need to look at what could be a threat to your NC. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 how do I avoid seeing him everywhere, plus he thinks I am being childish everytime I do this. Any thought on how to appear like I am in control and not throwing a tantrum and giving him dirty looks from down the block. Do not care about what he says... Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 How about walking out my front door? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 How about walking out my front door? Walk right past him, going along your own busy life... Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Gel , do you know how many times I have done that, it is so so so hard because he is the one person i can talk too. I know with all his faults and everything he really does get me and so he knows how easy it is for me break NC. I feel like I a mad at everyone because i have to act this angry towards him .It is not easy to separate. You guys are making me mad with your one word answers. Please stop replying with these cliches. It is so much easier said than done. I know you are trying to help , but these one sentence replies minimize my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Gel , do you know how many times I have done that, it is so so so hard because he is the one person i can talk too. I know with all his faults and everything he really does get me and so he knows how easy it is for me break NC. I feel like I a mad at everyone because i have to act this angry towards him .It is not easy to separate. You guys are making me mad with your one word answers. Please stop replying with these cliches. It is so much easier said than done. I know you are trying to help , but these one sentence replies minimize my feelings. trying to minimize feelings. Thats what you need to do Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 trying to minimize feelings. Thats what you need to do He's right. What BH is doing - Short sweet and to the point. Then move on... I know it's hard for you, but basically you need to start getting out of the habit of thinking of him. Getting him out of your daily thoughts, your daily life. Make him less important, so then you won't care as much what he does/thinks/feels. In time (as long as you work on this) you'll realize the emotional attachment you feel for him will become less and less, making it easier for you to move on. YOu've got obssesive thoughts going on and trying to figure him out, what he thinks, what he means when he says this and that is driving you NUTS!! SO, use some cognitive ways of changing your thinking habits. It will help you in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Well I told him i was going to Nc him . I know you told me not to. It turned out far worse than i could of expected. He told me I cannot do that and then of course thinks that it all about sex and so he says he wants me. When do i want to meet and he will make it right by me. I can't believe this even came out of my mouth, but I gave him a timeline. I told him he has a certain amount of time to make it right by me. What was I thinking. I hate myself right now for constantly caving. I told him NC is the only way for me to move on and he said you are my friend and I do care about you. Whenever I instigate NC he says I am crazy. What is that all about. I told him to go be with his wife who should be his best friend and stop being friends with my H. He said give me time to make it up to you!!! you guys can't say anything worse than what I really feel for what i have done. Link to post Share on other sites
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