GreenEyedLady Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 IGNORE HIM!!!!!!!!! FF: This is EXCELLENT advice...It will drive him crazy that he's not getting to you... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 who disrespect women that much? Potential rapists. Link to post Share on other sites
oyster Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 who disrespect women that much? Potential rapists. This is the quote of the year for me. Link to post Share on other sites
oyster Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I'm sorry that this is so hard for you...if that is the reality, that you both aren't leaving and you don't want to continue the A, you need to go no contact...otherwise it will never be over, you will never stop feeling for him, you will pine away for him and your H will notice it... Quite frankly, I can't believe your H hasn't noticed it yet... Or you continue the A...lots of downfalls, possible discovery, guilt, shame and all for what? Is that what you want? Are you willing to risk what you're risking to get the crumbs that MM is giving out? It's your choice...are you getting out as much as you put in? Personally, I think that you should either try and fix your M or get out...but it's your life... very good advice. My soon to be ex-MW (I am OM) has had same approach. forbidden fruit> Make sure your husband changes and love is for real and sustainable and not an ego power game he is trying to play to conquer you back. Either your husband or the MM should look for YOUR happiness, what ever decision or direction you go. The person who fights your will and want to happiness is just playing the control game. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Green eyed I think you are correct 100% so what do I say to him to let him know I will not accept this? Okay I feel like crying he does say he cares about me more than anyone and their are reasons he can't leave and I can't leave my marriage so now what? What is he suppossed to do if we are both married? IF you stay and let things be as they are nothing will change. The only way to change things is for YOU to make a decision and stick to it. Are you willing to leave your husband, with or without the MM? Are you willing to throw away your life as you know it for him? Because he may not (and it seems like this is the case) be willing to give it all up for you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I didn't tell him we were NC I just did it and he came over to pick his kids up. It is a very complicated situation and I am having hard time between should we go back to being just friends and bury my feelings or try to continue NC. Please don't fool yourself ... There is NO WAY you two can be "just" friends. Either you two stay in this affair, or you two end it. I just went back and read afew other posts, so seeing as you don't want to leave your husband, and he isn't going to leave his wife, things will be as they are now...An affair. Nothing more, nothing less. Can you live with that? And if so, for how long? You both are hooked on the drama of your situation. NC, then ya talk..NC, then you two talk...It is feeding both of your ego's, emotions and it's getting you (and him) nowhere! How many times can you talk, break-up, go NC and then start the cycle over again? How long are you willing to put up with this crap? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 So he disrepected my NC because he still wants to control the situation and still wants what he wants when he wants it. How do i turn the tides? Forbidden, I do not mean to sound harsh here but you really need to STAY AWAY from this man! You and I are in very much the same situations! You are being played by him for his own pleasure. He is being very selfish here! Now I will ask you what many on these boards have asked me? Do you want to make your marriage work? Do you love your H? You need to know this first and foremost. If mm see's that you are willing to play his game he will play along for as long as he can. I ended up telling my H because I needed help to stop the A. I realized the whole thing was a major fantasy with him. I till this day believe that we never had any real feeling for one another. My situation is now one big uncomfortable mess. We are neighbors and both H and W now know. Stay away and try to avoid this cause the pain is unreal! AP Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 FF listen to AP, she knows what she's talking about seeing as you two are more or less in similar situations. Maybe you need to tell your husband about what is going on...This way the affair WILL end and something can be done. Living in limbo, day to day, feeling pain, confusion and heartache is just insane! Plus, I'm sure your husband has realized you're not all "there" when at home. Your focus seems to be all about the MM. Your H isn't stupid, I'm sure he figures something is wrong but just doesn't know exactly what it is.....Men have gut instincts too. Link to post Share on other sites
oyster Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I ended up telling my H because I needed help to stop the A. I realized the whole thing was a major fantasy with him. I till this day believe that we never had any real feeling for one another. My situation is now one big uncomfortable mess. We are neighbors and both H and W now know. Stay away and try to avoid this cause the pain is unreal! AP how did your H help you end the affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 how did your H help you end the affair? Oyster, By telling my H I felt that I had someone on my side who could really help me understand that mm is a jerk. My H know's him as long as I do and has seen what he is like due to the fact that we are neighbor's. Now that H knows it will give me the extra strength I need to turn my feeling's and concearn's in life back to my H the one who should be listening to them in the first place. I am thankful that my H took this as well as he did. I realize that he must hurt a great deal but we are working through this. I feel better to, that I let him know what happend help's with some of the guilt I had been suffering with. AP Link to post Share on other sites
oyster Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Oyster, By telling my H I felt that I had someone on my side who could really help me understand that mm is a jerk. My H know's him as long as I do and has seen what he is like due to the fact that we are neighbor's. Now that H knows it will give me the extra strength I need to turn my feeling's and concearn's in life back to my H the one who should be listening to them in the first place. I am thankful that my H took this as well as he did. I realize that he must hurt a great deal but we are working through this. I feel better to, that I let him know what happend help's with some of the guilt I had been suffering with. AP so if MM was not a jerk, would you had wanted to reconcile with your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 so if MM was not a jerk, would you had wanted to reconcile with your husband? Probably not and the reason I say this is I was so into this fantasy with mm that if he said he would leave his wife I would have left my husband and I think that it would have been a major mistake. I truely believe that we would not do well in a longterm relationship, and then if I married him I would end up divorced twice. The reason I think that I fell for him was because my H and I had many issues in our lives's that caused us to emotionally seperate from one another. I mean really, a Handsome, sexy man is paying attention to me in every way, making me feel like I was a queen, who would not welcome that, well I know the answer now "A Happily Married Woman" I acted like a child! Instead of putting an effort into fixing what was wrong with H I blocked it all out emotionally and became emotionally intimate with mm. I think I fooled myself into thinking that I truely could leave my H and kid's for him. Fantasies seem to have amazing power! AP Link to post Share on other sites
oyster Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 I think I fooled myself into thinking that I truely could leave my H and kid's for him. Fantasies seem to have amazing power! AP so have you ordered the playboy channel or are you making your own fantasy on film now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 so have you ordered the playboy channel or are you making your own fantasy on film now? Oyster, I don't think your comment is very funny. This A has taken a toll on me, I am not taking as a joke! AP Link to post Share on other sites
oyster Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Oyster, I don't think your comment is very funny. This A has taken a toll on me, I am not taking as a joke! AP my apologies, did not intend to offend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Share Posted December 18, 2006 my apologies, did not intend to offend. Oyster, Apology excepted. I am a tad bit sensitive these day's. AP Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 I can't believe it I picked up my phone today. I feel so stupid!!! My MM and I talked for two hours and basically went in circles.He said he cares and loves me, but the bottom line he is not leaving because of kids and mine. He thinks it will hurt everyone too much. However, he definately wants to continue the A he made reference to a special bra of mine he wanted me to wear the next time I come over so you were right Bonehead. I am back on the rollercoaster and so mad at myself. We spent time together with the kids and the fantasy of being with him is so intoxicating. It is only a fantasy because both are spouses were not there and they are reality. What next? Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 If you really need to ask then none of this has sunk in. He has shown his true colors. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 FF: I am really curious, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR H? How does he treat you? You haven't said anything about him or your feelings for him...He doesn't notice that you're in love with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 He thinks it will hurt everyone too much. However, he definately wants to continue the A he made reference to a special bra of mine he wanted me to wear the next time I come over... What next..? I don't know.. how do you feel about being a booty call? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 19, 2006 Author Share Posted December 19, 2006 I can't believe it I picked up my phone today. I feel so stupid!!! My MM and I talked for two hours and basically went in circles.He said he cares and loves me, but the bottom line he is not leaving because of kids and mine. He thinks it will hurt everyone too much. However, he definately wants to continue the A he made reference to a special bra of mine he wanted me to wear the next time I come over so you were right Bonehead. I am back on the rollercoaster and so mad at myself. We spent time together with the kids and the fantasy of being with him is so intoxicating. It is only a fantasy because both are spouses were not there and they are reality. What next? Forbidden, Are you sure about this? This dos not sound like it will end well. Someone will end up getting hurt. Can you deal with that? AP Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Today we had another of our long talks and I am totally confused now!! My mm said he cannot lose me as a friend and he knows we cannot leave our spouses because of the kids, and we cannot continue to sleep together because we will get caught so the only thing left is to be friends for right now. He said he is in love with me and wants us to be together when the time is right. When the time ever be right? Is it possible to goi back to being just friends for right now? We have alot of chemistry so I don't know. I told him I love my husband and he said but I love you too. Totally confused. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 I don't think that you are confused at all...you are just aren't liking what is happening...if you love your H, why would you even consider continuing with this man? Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Do you REALLY need to ask that question again? Why would you want to be friends with a man like that? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 We started out as friends and we did nothing physical. So are you saying this will be EA and we will continue to hurt people. I know you both probably don't believe this but I do love two men and I am torn. So please have a little compassion when replying. I told my MM i needed nc to work on my marriage he told me fine, but he still needed me in his life and he cannot let me go because we will be together just not right now. Link to post Share on other sites
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