bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 We started out as friends and we did nothing physical. So are you saying this will be EA and we will continue to hurt people. I know you both probably don't believe this but I do love two men and I am torn. So please have a little compassion when replying. I told my MM i needed nc to work on my marriage he told me fine, but he still needed me in his life and he cannot let me go because we will be together just not right now. This man may say he loves you, but look at his actions. Respect comes before love and he has ZERO respect for you. He has proven it time and again. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 No contact means no contact...it shouldn't matter what he needs...what do you need? And the reason that you are getting the replies that you are is because this guy is not treating you well at all... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 And the reason that you are getting the replies that you are is because this guy is not treating you well at all... and because Im an a*shole Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Why do you think he is not treating me well if he is stopping the affair. He said he is stopping and I agree becausre he does not want to ruin two famlies how is that disrepecting me?? Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Why do you think he is not treating me well if he is stopping the affair. He said he is stopping and I agree becausre he does not want to ruin two famlies how is that disrepecting me?? He is NOT stopping the affair. He is trying to continue contact KNOWING full well that he can suck you back in any time his little winky desires Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 He has refused to respect your NC, continues to make sexual references, what would YOU call it? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Ok, he says no contact when he wants no contact, then tells you how excited he is to see you...if he wanted to be friends, he wouldn't tell you that...you set a boundary, he breaks it... he said it is stopping but he wants to have you waiting around for him...which if you want that, then ok, but you are not saying that...and if you don't want to ruin two families, you have to go no contact... Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Well his little winky desired today during our talk and we both restrained. Are you saying there is no way possible to be friends. Well if not friends then what? Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Well his little winky desired today during our talk and we both restrained. Are you saying there is no way possible to be friends. Well if not friends then what? Then NOTHING or continue on the path your on. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Ok, he says no contact when he wants no contact, then tells you how excited he is to see you...if he wanted to be friends, he wouldn't tell you that...you set a boundary, he breaks it... he said it is stopping but he wants to have you waiting around for him...which if you want that, then ok, but you are not saying that...and if you don't want to ruin two families, you have to go no contact... Why would he want me to wait around for him? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Well his little winky desired today during our talk and we both restrained. Are you saying there is no way possible to be friends. Well if not friends then what? YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS...or this will escalate...it's like an all or nothing thing... Sorry...that's what I think... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Why would he want me to wait around for him? Control, conquest, ego, sex on the side Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 I don't believe he felt nothing for me. I can see it i his eyes and I know he is not lying. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 I don't believe he felt nothing for me. I can see it i his eyes and I know he is not lying. Then whats the issue?? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Thw issue is if we continue to be friends is that a emotional affair in which case that is not good for my marriage or can it be hi bye thing. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Thw issue is if we continue to be friends is that a emotional affair in which case that is not good for my marriage or can it be hi bye thing. It wouldnt stay an emotional affair. you two have sexual energy between you and HE makes no secret about it to you how he feels. He is going to want to act on those feelings Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 I am back and thinking what I am suppossed to do with my MM.Tomorrow is the day we are supposed to talk and everyone has talked me out of it. I know I shouldn't and part of me doesn't want to and part of me wants to so badly. I don't think I am done with this yet. I am not sure what I want . I do know I am not ready to have him completely out of my life. Am I just being weak. Forbidden, You sound confused. I can relate to your feeling's here. I know it hard to stick with NC, when you don't want him completely out of your life. Ask yourself what good can come of this "A"? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Answer I knowyou can relate to my situation, but because my A took on a physical aspect it is so hard. We are trying to fall back on the emotional affair before the physical and in my eyes the EA causes worst damage then the PA. I am so stuck because on the surface it should seem like no big deal to be friends with him. However, below it there seems like to ma ny emotions and hurt to get past. He wants me to wait until we are both ready because we are both not ready to leave. I deep down want to believe him, but part of me thinks he is not strong enough to pull it off. I think I am hanging on to hope. Is that so wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Well his little winky desired today during our talk and we both restrained. Are you saying there is no way possible to be friends. Well if not friends then what? Until there are NO feelings -Emotional and sexual - that is the time you two COULD be friends. Right now, no way. Why put yourselves through something like this? IS it worth it? TO be around eachother yet know nothing can happen? If you stay friends with him, your affair (physical part over) will turn into an emotional affair, which will just lead back to the physical part of your affair eventually. You two would be feeding the feelings again, so as much as it may hurt to end it and go full NC, you gotta do it otherwise this is your life for a very long time. Are you willing to leave your husband either way? With or without MM? Or if he doesn't leave his wife will you stay with your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Answer I knowyou can relate to my situation, but because my A took on a physical aspect it is so hard. We are trying to fall back on the emotional affair before the physical and in my eyes the EA causes worst damage then the PA. I am so stuck because on the surface it should seem like no big deal to be friends with him. However, below it there seems like to ma ny emotions and hurt to get past. He wants me to wait until we are both ready because we are both not ready to leave. I deep down want to believe him, but part of me thinks he is not strong enough to pull it off. I think I am hanging on to hope. Is that so wrong? Forbidden, I can learn from you here! My "A" Started as a physical attraction and friendship. Moved quickley to and E/A with some touching and hugging but froze there! At one point during this whole wild ride I realized that we could not even be friends, he was heartbroken, wanted to stay friends. Well, we tried that a few times. It lead to more sex talk, hugging and close to the actual thing. Him to afraid to lose everything. Now we are not friends and have NC in place. Yes, this is killing me inside, but the only way for you here, if you want to keep your life in order is to STOP all Contact, case in point! Post here and read the threads, it helps. Hugs to you my friend. AP BTW- Listen to every bit of advice from whichway, she is the best! Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I have tried nc with him a zillion times and we both agree we can do the friend thing. My friends know both of us and think I am making a huge mistake. Today he was everywhere I was. He thinks because we are friends he does not feel threatened because he does not have to worry about getting caught. He hangs out with me and the kids play together because his marriage is so toxic. When I told him i needed to work on my marriage he said well I love you too!! Being friends feels weird because of what we have shared and how intimate we have been. However, I don't think not talking is not a option at least for my situation. I think everyone thinks I am setting myself for my hurt. My friends feel he will try to get me back in bed. what do you guys think? We are being really good about keeping strictly friends. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I think your friends are right...If you were good about being "just friends" you wouldn't have started the A in the first place... Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 My mm called it a rut we were both in our marriages and he thinks we are both stronger for not having anything physical now. We are both afraid of getting caught. We are not ready to leave because of the kids and we both wwant to be with each other, but are just not going there. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Why does he still need to be with me .He said it is because I am his closest friend. I think he needs to be in his life because he is afraid to lose me completely. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I think that you want him to be in your life so that the door is not shut... Link to post Share on other sites
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