bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 what do you guys think? I myself think no matter what you have already made up your mind. you can only beat a dead horse so long before it isnt even good for glue Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I guess you are right i am just rationalizing but NC does not work for us because of the kids and living so close and seeing each other all over the place. It takes alot of hate for me to do NC and i just don't have that towards him. I love him and I know you guys are shaking your head, but isn't possible to love two people at the same time? Do you think i am in for a world of hurt by remaining friends or is hurting my M? Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Do you think i am in for a world of hurt by remaining friends or is hurting my M? It depends. Do you LIKE your friends making sexual remarks towards you? Do you like not being respected by your friends? Is it ok with your husband that all the neighbor guy thinks about is you in a horizontal position? If you answered yes to all three of those questions then your all set!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 i am just rationalizing Nothing rational about it. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Since we have decided to be friends we are not going there and when we are with kids which is the only time we are together there is nothing but normal conversation. Whatever he thinks he has stopped telling me about out of respect for not trying to go to that place. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 As a guy bonhead is there another agenda down the line that I am being naive about? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 But he has said that he loves you, right? That's not normal conversation and why I think the "friends only" thing won't work... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Then whats the issue?? Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 But he has said that he loves you, right? That's not normal conversation and why I think the "friends only" thing won't work... But GEL, I have a female friend that is like a sister to me. I tell her LOVE YA SIS every time I hang up from her. Same thing right?? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 But GEL, I have a female friend that is like a sister to me. I tell her LOVE YA SIS every time I hang up from her. Same thing right?? I think that you know it's not the same thing... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 As a guy bonhead is there another agenda down the line that I am being naive about? DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE HAS MADE IT KNOWN!!!! Open your eyes, unplug your ears. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Unfortunately I think he said he loved me because he wanted me to come out of NC and not go in it again. I threatend to go NC because I believed I could not be just friends with him. He says he loves me and right now is not our time and we will probably be together. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 But GEL, I have a female friend that is like a sister to me. I tell her LOVE YA SIS every time I hang up from her. Same thing right?? You crack me up... Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 BH is right: friends are not sexual. They do not "come on to each other" nor as much as mention what color bra one wears. Friends are supportive of their friend's lives as they ARE. GEL is also observant: perhaps you do not wish the sexual tension to end. No matter, this is your life and since you are so determined, try the "friendship thing" and we all hope it goes well for you. Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Unfortunately I think he said he loved me because he wanted me to come out of NC and not go in it again. I threatend to go NC because I believed I could not be just friends with him. He says he loves me and right now is not our time and we will probably be together. RIGHT THERE HE TOLD YOU HIS AGENDA!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I think that you know it's not the same thing... Can I ask her to show me what color bra she is wearing?????? Friends can do that right??? Can I ask her to show me?? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Gel you are the most honest without the sarcasm. I really appreciate that. I know I am trying to rationalize. So does that make both of us wrong. Why won't he go NC? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 What Friends with Benefits. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Why won't he go NC? Because you wont force him to. NC isnt an agreed upon action most of the time. Its a method of taking control of the situation. And you wont take the control away from him. Pure and simple Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I know I am trying to rationalize you are trying to rationalize how to keep what you know you shouldnt. Its like an alcoholic trying to switch to beer from whiskey. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Gel you are the most honest without the sarcasm. I really appreciate that. I know I am trying to rationalize. So does that make both of us wrong. Why won't he go NC? Right or wrong...I am not here to judge either...I am not in a position too, myself...but I think that you need to be honest with yourself...what do you want? Is what you want worth the risk? If you want to continue the A, that is your choice...but be REAL about it...don't make an excuse that he lives close, or the kids are friends...just be like, my M is not fulfilling, I am in love with someone else, I want to continue the A, or I want to at least leave the door open... He doesn't want to go no contact because he is liking the attention, the possibility for more sex and he probably does like you...why would he want to lose that... You say that you are in love with two people, but you haven't said much at all about your H...you are all about the MM...that's why you are getting the responses that you are... I wish you luck in deciding what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Right or wrong...I am not here to judge either...I am not in a position too, myself...but I think that you need to be honest with yourself...what do you want? Is what you want worth the risk? If you want to continue the A, that is your choice...but be REAL about it...don't make an excuse that he lives close, or the kids are friends...just be like, my M is not fulfilling, I am in love with someone else, I want to continue the A, or I want to at least leave the door open... He doesn't want to go no contact because he is liking the attention, the possibility for more sex and he probably does like you...why would he want to lose that... You say that you are in love with two people, but you haven't said much at all about your H...you are all about the MM...that's why you are getting the responses that you are... I wish you luck in deciding what to do... I want him but now is not that right time so in the meantime should I not talk to him? if I do nothing with him is that a risk or is that still considered an EA? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Because you wont force him to. NC isnt an agreed upon action most of the time. Its a method of taking control of the situation. And you wont take the control away from him. Pure and simple We both fight for that control and he calls me selfish when I try to take it back. That remark get me sucked back in time and time again. I think I just found it easier to give him the control. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 We both fight for that control and he calls me selfish when I try to take it back. That remark get me sucked back in time and time again. I think I just found it easier to give him the control. Then live with the fall out. If you cant take control of yourself then its a lost cause. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I want him but now is not that right time so in the meantime should I not talk to him? if I do nothing with him is that a risk or is that still considered an EA? What do YOU want to do? I don't think you should talk to him, because you're going to get caught...you live right next door...SOMEONE will notice... I just think that since you've been physical, it's going to happen again, eventually...so if you want to prevent that, stay away... Link to post Share on other sites
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