forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Thanks for your great advice and I am definately going to think about it. Just curious what will someone notice if we are just friends and our kids are friends? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Body language and sexual tension... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 22, 2006 Author Share Posted December 22, 2006 Why do you think he is not treating me well if he is stopping the affair. He said he is stopping and I agree becausre he does not want to ruin two famlies how is that disrepecting me?? Forbidden, I am a little worried that we might be involved with the same MM? :lmao: , NO Really?? MM said the same thing to me about the fact that if we continue with the "A" or even a friendship that something will end up happening between us and we will ruin two families. I know he's right, and I don't want to do that either so NC is the only way. I don't think he is disrespecting you. By not stopping the "A" that would be disrespect. Hang in there I know just how you must feel! AP Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Since I have never been in that position I have a couple questions. Why would a woman want a man that is THAT controlling? He says its over, you go NC then HE gets mad and oversteps boundries you have in place. He says he wants to be just friends then tells you about his EXCITEMENT? Im sorry, I find this whole thing very disturbing. Forbidden, I truly hope you are able to take a step back and take an objective look. If everything you have posted is true I see a very abusive man in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 I totally hear what you are saying my head agrees 100% with you, but my heart is having the problem. My mm is also in your line of work bonehead so that makes him a little emotionally guarded. What kind of abuse are you talking about mental? He is so controlled by his wife I think he wants to control me , however he is not strong enough to change. He knows he should , but does not have the ba***. How is he strong physically and not too tough mentally? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 You guys with all of your posts have really gotten to me , I am just not sure how to cut him out of my life. He definately does not make it easy and I am so weak emotionally from the whole thing. He knows how to push my buttons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 22, 2006 Author Share Posted December 22, 2006 You guys with all of your posts have really gotten to me , I am just not sure how to cut him out of my life. He definately does not make it easy and I am so weak emotionally from the whole thing. He knows how to push my buttons. Forbidden, Please listen to me and walk away from this. This is NOT going to turn out well. Focus on your marriage and family. You need to forget about him or your whole life as you know it can be turned upside in the blink of an eye! AP Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 You guys with all of your posts have really gotten to me , I am just not sure how to cut him out of my life. He definately does not make it easy and I am so weak emotionally from the whole thing. He knows how to push my buttons. If he knows how to psuh your buttons you have to stop allowing him. Trust me I know its not easy. I went through this with my ex wife. But you NEED to take control of the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 22, 2006 Author Share Posted December 22, 2006 If he knows how to psuh your buttons you have to stop allowing him. Trust me I know its not easy. I went through this with my ex wife. But you NEED to take control of the situation. Well said bonehead! You need to take control Forbidden! I'm telling ya take control with NC for good! It's tough but you can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 You need to forget about him or your whole life as you know it can be turned upside in the blink of an eye! Im actually seeing something worse. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 What could be worse you are scaring me. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 forbidden fruit... sometimes you sound so intelligent, and then you go asking 'what does this do?' kind of questions. A lot of people have asked you... what do you want..? are you completely naive, or are you just an average person uncertain of what this man wants..? And if you're as intelligent as you sound in some of your posts... how come the simplest things baffle you..? Seems like every time someone answers something you come up with another question... and it's all really quite generalised. What is is exactly you're struggling with in this affair? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 forbidden fruit... sometimes you sound so intelligent, and then you go asking 'what does this do?' kind of questions. A lot of people have asked you... what do you want..? are you completely naive, or are you just an average person uncertain of what this man wants..? And if you're as intelligent as you sound in some of your posts... how come the simplest things baffle you..? Seems like every time someone answers something you come up with another question... and it's all really quite generalised. What is is exactly you're struggling with in this affair? In response to your post I am an intelligent person involved in a situation I have never been in before. I keep second guessing myself. I know what I have to do which is NC, but it is not want to do. I keep asking ? because I think maybe I am viewing my MM wrong and maybe there is another solution. I really do Love him and can't seem to live without having him in some facet of my life. We are both married with kids so that poses a huge obstacle. You cannot help with who you fall in love with!! I am sad because I know I have to forgo my happiness to ultimately not hurt alot of people. I know we have already hurt people by having a A, but we are trying to make a wrong -right. I am sure everyone is frustrated with my posts, but it allows me to look at every avenue before making the final decision which will absolutely devastate me and him. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 FF It took me half the night to read through this entire thread and my head is reeling with what to say to you. Rather than repeating what everyone else has said, I'm going to dredge up my story again. Please go read it and you'll have a good idea of what's in store for you if you continue on this path. You need some perspective. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t86518/ Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 I am one to call a spade when I see one. No judgement here at all--- seems you are finding more excuses to stay in the affair than not so just go ahead and do it. You don't need anyone's permission or blessing. You've asked for advice and you've gotten that. You've asked for possible solutions and none are satsifactory. You don't wish to be devastated, in pain or miserable so you forgo all. You don't like feeling frustrated or confused and you like being in love with the object of your affection. You wish to right a wrong as long as it doesn't hurt too much. It does hurt too much because you aren't willing to live without him. It's your life to live so get a hotel and screw your brains out. It's your call. You wouldn't be the first nor the last to do it and no one is going to bash you if you just say, "this is what I WANT" because most of us have already put in our two cents. Take it or leave it. Like Dr. Ruth says "have goot sex and use protection"! Best wishes and goot sex and a lovely life, dear (big sigh). In response to your post I am an intelligent person involved in a situation I have never been in before. I keep second guessing myself. I know what I have to do which is NC, but it is not want to do. I keep asking ? because I think maybe I am viewing my MM wrong and maybe there is another solution. I really do Love him and can't seem to live without having him in some facet of my life. We are both married with kids so that poses a huge obstacle. You cannot help with who you fall in love with!! I am sad because I know I have to forgo my happiness to ultimately not hurt alot of people. I know we have already hurt people by having a A, but we are trying to make a wrong -right. I am sure everyone is frustrated with my posts, but it allows me to look at every avenue before making the final decision which will absolutely devastate me and him. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 POM, I fear you are right. There's just no good way out of that situation unless ties are severed and someone moves. (sigh, is right). Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 My mm says when I go NC it makes it so obvious something is going on between us. He says Nc is not a option because our families will wonder. I guess from all your posts NC is the only option!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Could be and first step in NO CONTACT is not giving a flying **** what he says...thinks, wants, has, does, screws, eats for breakfast or how often he mows the lawn. If NC makes things so obvious then one could only imagine how very obvious anything else could be... The fact that you care so much about what he thinks is what is most obvious to EVERYONE. He is just the next door neighbor who is married with children--he is not G.O.D. Big Big sigh...w/ a headache. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 23, 2006 Author Share Posted December 23, 2006 My mm says when I go NC it makes it so obvious something is going on between us. He says Nc is not a option because our families will wonder. I guess from all your posts NC is the only option!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forbidden, I don't mean to sound mean here but DO IT, NC, that's your best bet! You NEED to get over this and move forward with you H and kid's. If not, Seek a divorce and fast! I am a bit frank here but it's true! Over, done with, MOVE ON GIRL! I am misrable from my A with a neighbor and I am also unhahhy in my marriage. I am trying thriough thearapy to work this out, it's helping. AP Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Could be and first step in NO CONTACT is not giving a flying **** what he says...thinks, wants, has, does, screws, eats for breakfast or how often he mows the lawn. If NC makes things so obvious then one could only imagine how very obvious anything else could be... The fact that you care so much about what he thinks is what is most obvious to EVERYONE. He is just the next door neighbor who is married with children--he is not G.O.D. Big Big sigh...w/ a headache. Big sigh w/ a migraine I get what you are saying I am not a child. You sound so angry and alot like most of my friends. I am just not that mad at him right at this moment so NC is going to come totally from out of the blue plus i have done this a zillion times so he is going to think I am not serious and crazy!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 23, 2006 Author Share Posted December 23, 2006 Big sigh w/ a migraine I get what you are saying I am not a child. You sound so angry and alot like most of my friends. I am just not that mad at him right at this moment so NC is going to come totally from out of the blue plus i have done this a zillion times so he is going to think I am not serious and crazy!! Ok, Forbidden you are driving me crazy, you just don't seem to listen! Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Answer I know you can sympathize with me. Seeing him all the time makes NC so hard. Maybe I could walk away slowly so he doesn't realize what has hit him before it is too late. My mm knows exactly what I am doing by looking at me . My feelings are written all over my face. He responds accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 I think I am done posting on LS. These are total strangers trying to judge me and getting mad because I am having a hard time with one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. My heart is breaking I am emotionally, physically and mentally a mess. Thanks for trying to help me maybe I will never get it and ruin my life!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 23, 2006 Author Share Posted December 23, 2006 I think I am done posting on LS. These are total strangers trying to judge me and getting mad because I am having a hard time with one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. My heart is breaking I am emotionally, physically and mentally a mess. Thanks for trying to help me maybe I will never get it and ruin my life!!!! Forbidden. Do not walk away from this site. Who would try to judge you? Everyone is just trying to help. Affair's are hard to begin with, if you are both married even worse. Look, try and take a step back, Deep breathe, relax. It will b ok. AP Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 I have spoken with you in a very even tone. If you don't like the advice you've received and you feel this isn't a good place for you then by all means it within your perfect right to no longer post. I am glad for you that you have friends on which you may depend even if they feel differently than yourself. You are correct: we are strangers so nothing ventured nothing gained. Do as you wish as you have said you are not a child and an adult, thus, your behavior is your responsibility. Best of luck for a wonderful life! Link to post Share on other sites
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