whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Now you do NC. Forget what he has said...Let him deal with it on his own. How can he make it up to you? By divorcing his wife, and then asking you to divorce your husband so you two can be together? I highly doubt that is going to happen, he hasn't thought things through. He's just pissed off and maybe his ego/feelings are hurt because you told him NC and stood up to him. Go by what you said...NC to help YOU get over him. Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Well I told him i was going to Nc him . I know you told me not to. It turned out far worse than i could of expected. He told me I cannot do that and then of course thinks that it all about sex and so he says he wants me. When do i want to meet and he will make it right by me. I can't believe this even came out of my mouth, but I gave him a timeline. I told him he has a certain amount of time to make it right by me. What was I thinking. I hate myself right now for constantly caving. I told him NC is the only way for me to move on and he said you are my friend and I do care about you. Whenever I instigate NC he says I am crazy. What is that all about. I told him to go be with his wife who should be his best friend and stop being friends with my H. He said give me time to make it up to you!!! you guys can't say anything worse than what I really feel for what i have done. He can obviously handle this! And he's not thinking of you, he's thinking of himself and still worried about being caught because if the dynamics change in your neighborly relationships, his W is going to figure it out! HE'S NOT THINKING OF YOU!!!! If he was, he would understand! He's saving his own A**. That is why you need to think about YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Thank you which way-there is one thing he kept telling me is that if i don't talk to him will it look so obvious to everyone. Is that true oe another ploy by him. i told him my H does not care if I talk to him or not. Should I be worried about what his W or anybody else thinks. Is he trying to save himself? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Who cares what people think? Neither of you can control that anyway. I'm sure many people already have figured you two hooked up...Neighbourhood gossip just like office gossip. The way to handle it is either move, or ignore what's going on around you. You, your husband and family keep to yourself. Hangout with friends that don't live on your street. Yes, he's trying to save himself, and probably his wife WILL wonder what's going on. But that's not your problem, it's his. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Why is he making it my problem. After he told me that I said then we are definately done and he then went on about he wanted to do it right now. why does he think sex is the only thing I want or because that is only thing he can give me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Don't LET him make it your problem. Seriously. In your mind you're done with him...Wash your hands of it and walk away. It doesn't matter what he thinks/feels, right? What counts is what YOU think and feel. He knows how to push your buttons...He knows you're weak in the knees when it comes to the sex and him, so he'll try as much as he can to make you cave. Don't cave. Just ignore him, gain control and power back. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Why is he making it my problem. After he told me that I said then we are definately done and he then went on about he wanted to do it right now. why does he think sex is the only thing I want or because that is only thing he can give me. I think he's trying to pacify you! But that's just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Movin on I really value your opinion you have been through alot why do you think he is trying to pacify me? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 i know it doesn't matter now but do you think he has any intention of making it up to me. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Look, I'm gonna assume you read my story. I didn't live on the same street, but in the same small town. Our kids were friends. We were all friends. We "thought" we could get our spouses to understand. WE WERE STUPID!!! It was a complete disaster. You also, are headed for disaster! My exMM said his W would accept it! NOT!!!!!!!! She fought tooth and nail! Everytime she caught him, he said he would be out of the house. NOT!!!!! She drug our kids and half the town into it! My exMM PROMISED me he was leaving the M! Over and over! And that is what I based my decisions on! His friggin lies! Even though I know it really was his intention, he was never strong enough to handle it when the time came. Over and over. You don't even have that!!! Your MM has NO intention of leaving! There is no good that can come of this situation! He can't have it both ways. And yes, he is protecting himself from W finding out. If you ignore him and her, their children, etc., there has to be a reasonable explanation, in his W's mind at least, and YES, you will be found out. In my opinion, since he doesn't plan on leaving, he's now worried that it could all fall apart if you don't go "according to plan". To play it out, like there's nothing going on. That is literally impossible! Your eyes will give it away, your mannerisms, your actions. One of you would get caught in no matter of time. People are not stupid. Your spouses are not stupid! No one is that good of an actor. I may sound harsh, but if you haven't figured it out by now, I know what I am talking about. You may want him, but apparently you are not in control of what HE is going to do! So now you need get back into reality, put your own cards on the table in front of you. Figure out what you want AND what you realistically can have. If he's not leaving his M, where does that leave you? NOWHERE! The time for games is over. If you're unhappy with your M, you need to channel your energies one way or the other into handling that situation - regardless of what MM is doing. And don't go thinking that if you leave your M, he will follow. You will never get over this MM if you don't start taking care of yourself, your kids, and if you want, your M. Basically, what I am saying is, you are in a no win situation. Again, that's just my opinion. Take it from one who's been there. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Wow movinon....so sorry you had to go through all of that....thank you for sharing your story....it was to say the least, very enlightening.... ((((((((hugs))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Forbidden, have you thought of a plan of attack to deal with NC yet? Its time for the wondering whats going to happen to stop. MAKE IT HAPPEN. Im at work today, but I will check back later. If you need I will help you come up with a plan Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Its time for the wondering whats going to happen to stop. MAKE IT HAPPEN. 100% agreement Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I think he is using the wife thing to keep me in his control. We have gone a week without talking sometimesand he made up something about that. I don't think that is the issue and if he is so worried about getting caught why does he adamantly want to meet with me and keep this going. Also he said he needed time to get his financials together before he could leave and he does want to leave right now and I agree with that.I know you have been through this before but not every situation is the same just like not every person is the same. I am most likely going to go through with NC, but also I want to see for the last time if he will follow through with what he said he will do. I want him to finally prove me right and exhaust every option before I completely shut the door for good. Just so in my mind I know we are done for the rest of our lives because once I shut the door I will never reopen it again. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 He isn't going to follow through, you know that, so stop waiting to see what he'll do. His actions NOW are speaking loud and clear... Take control NOW and end it. Shut the door, lock it and throw away the key! You can do this!! Link to post Share on other sites
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Ok - I'm sorry, I thought I had been following this thread, and now I'm confused. If MM leaves his W, then you will leave your H? That's what you are waiting for him to do? And if he doesn't? Then you'll stay with H? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 FF: please listen to WWIU and BH and everyone else...he's going to string you along as long as you let him... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Forbidden, have you thought of a plan of attack to deal with NC yet? Its time for the wondering whats going to happen to stop. MAKE IT HAPPEN. Im at work today, but I will check back later. If you need I will help you come up with a plan Hey Bonehead....that is really sweet, like I said before, your one of the good guys! Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 FF: please listen to WWIU and BH and everyone else...he's going to string you along as long as you let him... But why is he going to string me along? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Because you let him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 I think he is using the wife thing to keep me in his control. We have gone a week without talking sometimesand he made up something about that. I don't think that is the issue and if he is so worried about getting caught why does he adamantly want to meet with me and keep this going. Also he said he needed time to get his financials together before he could leave and he does want to leave right now and I agree with that.I know you have been through this before but not every situation is the same just like not every person is the same. I am most likely going to go through with NC, but also I want to see for the last time if he will follow through with what he said he will do. I want him to finally prove me right and exhaust every option before I completely shut the door for good. Just so in my mind I know we are done for the rest of our lives because once I shut the door I will never reopen it again. Forbidden, I think one thing that you and I have very much in common with our situations is we are over analyzing the MM. So what if he does not do what he say's this time? Are you going to keep believing that eventually he will? cause I am sure he won't. Just like I know MM would never leave his wife for me. So where does that leave me? It leaves me to deal with my marriage and try to fix it or to the painful conclusion of getting out of my marriage and moving on. I am electing right now to work on it. Am I sure how, NOT really. But waiting around for a MM who has broken so many promises is simply doing me no good. I am not even sure why I am seeking closure from him? Since you have not had a good long priod of NC, I think it's time to just DO IT! Cause I do know that NC helps. AP Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 Hey Bonehead....that is really sweet, like I said before, your one of the good guys! Bonehead, Just have to agree here with pureinheart, you are a REALLY great guy! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Well I told him i was going to Nc him . I know you told me not to. It turned out far worse than i could of expected. He told me I cannot do that and then of course thinks that it all about sex and so he says he wants me. When do i want to meet and he will make it right by me. I can't believe this even came out of my mouth, but I gave him a timeline. I told him he has a certain amount of time to make it right by me. What was I thinking. I hate myself right now for constantly caving. After reading what you posted on A2Ls thread I have finally figured this out. YOU LIKE THAT DRAMA!!!!! You like the attention, be it good or bad attention you dont care. As long as everyone is saying poor forbidden your happy. Poor my a*s, you ask for it EVERY time. Grow up or deal with him. Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Bonehead, Just have to agree here with pureinheart, you are a REALLY great guy! AP:) I can be, I can also be an a*shole. Tried the nice guy route. Tried to help her out, but after what she said in A2Ls thread, she dont want it. If she doesnt want ot stop her roller coaster thats fine, just dont be asking others how ot get off if you dont want off. As for the rest of you, Im glad you think Im a great guy. I try to think that Im no different then any other guy, but I see Im different then ALOT of guys. ( my self ego stroke for the day ) Link to post Share on other sites
crazygal Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 He gave you the closure you needed - Meaning, he confirmed the A is over. Now, take the control for yourself and shut your heart to him. NO good can come of a friendship. It's OK to miss how he made you feel, but keep it in perspective! When you find yourself missing him or just thinking of him - DO something different! Keep busy and distract yourself. Don't sit and wallow in thoughts, get down and out - Be glad that you're not cheating on your husband anymore, be glad that you don't have to feel sad, cry and hide things. wow, I've just posted that I'm trying to end an affair I'm having and that last bit of what you said is completely true-once it's over I know that's how I should feel-glad to not be cheating anymore and hiding things..I still love the other guy but there's just no way we can be friends once the affair is over-it would just be too hard.. Link to post Share on other sites
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