I cheated, what now

[olrox]

Hello, never used a forum before so i hope this is ending up where i think it will. I have been dating this girl for a little over a year. Four months ago i cheated on her when i was drunk by going down on another girl. I immediately went to her and told her with a sincere apology. Although i honestly wasnt expecting it, she opted to stay with me and we would work on getting over it. After this happened our relationship was very different. She has always had jealousy issues but i could no longer just say "hey there is no reason to be jealous of girl X as you have no reason not to trust me" and we would all be happy. Now however that doesnt work, and we end up arguing a lot.

 

The kicker here is that shes still with me. Honestly i dont think she is strong enough to leave me even if it will make her happier in the end. And really i dont know if im strong enough to leave her either, regardless of whether i think its a good idea or not. I just really dont see a reason that i can give her to trust me, even though i feel as though what happened was a fluke and she can. What should i do.

[CardPlay3r]

I don't know...maybe couples counselling? Of course she's not going to trust you for a while...you have to win that trust back somehow..

[w0rdever]

Well I think that you know it is DEFF your fault her becoming jealous. And it sounds like there is no help in the relationship because how were u in the situation of being able to get drunk with other women and your girlfriend not being there with you? Believe it or not but if you sincerely love a person being drunk is not a excuse of your actions because sometimes being drunk you can express or act out your feelings maybe by cheating is was your minds way of saying your not ready to settle down. I would rethink your relationship and make a decision

[olrox]

I wasnt using being drunk as an excuse, i was just telling you about what happened. I know its not an excuse, im very upset about hurting her, and if me leaving is going to help her then i would like to, but im not sure if it would. Its just kind of complicated, i think there is a lot of codependency going on. I would honestly be afraid of her doing something to herself if i left.

[w0rdever]

Well understand about you being afraid of her doing something. But to tell you the truth if she is like that, your better off getting out of the relationship before it gets worse because the longer you stay with this girl, the more and more attached she will feel and then if you ever try to leave her hurting herself will be even more enforced.

 

p..s I didnt mean to whole drunk thing, all I was making sure is that u know its not an excuse no hard feelins

[Madeamistake]

Couples counselling and maybe individual too!

 

Good luck bro!

 

[samsungxoxo]

I would recommend couple counseling and since you can't control your drinking also individual counseling for alcohol related problem. The one thing I commend you for was for being honest right away and coming clean with your g/f after this happened. You must give her enough time, I heard it takes almost a year or so to get over it, some never do, only time will tell. If it goes worst, breaking up would be the only option.

[BeenAround_N_Back]

You need to be as transparent as you can (ie. you need to be an open book)! Her unconditional trust she freely gave you died, the momment you told her what happened. That kind of trust can never be regained, if it does, it takes a long long time !!! Now the trust has to be rebuild, and you have to do everything you can to EARN back the trust.