w0rdever Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I have been with my fiancee for 2years now, I have been jealous all mylife and it figures now that I met a decent man I have become more Jealous. He is from CT and I live in MD and we live with my parents he doesnt know anyone in Baltimore and he doesnt have a car I drive him back and forth to work everyday. But there is this chick at his job I feel intimidated by her everytime I see her everytime we give eye contact its a dirty look and it makes me furious! Sometimes I think my jealousy pushes him to much, When I make comments about that certain girl he will become angry and say he will leave me if I continue to be this way I need help.......Am I missunderstanding myself or Just paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 You need to get your jealously under control and figure out WHY you're so jealous. He isn't doing anything wrong and yes, if you let it control you all the time it WILL ruin your relationship. What is it from your past that makes you feel jealously? Something in your upbringing? The way your parents were with you and your bros/sis's (if you have any)? Past relationships? Sounds like you don't have self confidence and may have insecurities... Please look into possibly talking to a professional so you can deal with your issues and get over them. Jealously is a nasty thing to feel and it can ruin your life if you let it. As for this girl at his work - You can't control her or what she does, so have some faith that your boyfriend isn't interested in her...Trust that he isnt' going to cheat on you. Why would he do that? Especially with someone he works with! It's putting himself in a stupid situation, and he has alot to lose too. How is the rest of your relationship otherwise? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Yes, OP, you need to get a handle on this. You are afraid that he will like someone better. Concentrate on being so great that he can't. And part of that is not acting like a nut job when he so much as looks at another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author w0rdever Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 Well, I believe it was something that happened previous to this relationship I was in a three year relationship with a mental and Physical Abuser.! I know that I have a jealousy problem caused by the past but how does someone over come that just by trusting someone? I put it to the test I made up my mind to trust him and give him more space I dont want to lose him over this. Thank you for your reply !!! Link to post Share on other sites
aeren944 Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 I was like you for a long time. I was a very jealous person and it ruined not one, but two of my relationships. I just pushed way to hard and couldn't get it under control. The good thing is that you realize that there's a problem. I'm in a great relationship now and, at first, I was the same old me... jealous and suspicious. But, I told myself that I couldn't be that way anymore. If I wanted to hold on to this, I needed to change. It wasn't easy at all... it was like breaking an addiction. I just told myself, "I'll be the one in control." I would do really well for a couple of days, then I'd feel all jealous and spiral out of control emotionally. I wouldn't talk to her about it, but I would take my mind off of it, or go to sleep or something. Then, the next day when I woke up, I would feel better. You just need to keep yourself in mind... how he's chosen you above all the others. You bring something valuable to the relationship, something he wants and needs, and he loves you for it. There's always going to be those other people around, the ones that drive you nuts. But, just remember, he doesn't need them... cuz he has you. That's how I came to terms with it, anyway. I'm pretty good now, still jealous at times, but I've got it more under control. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Aeren44 - I am so exactly like you it is eerie!! I find my gut gets all twisted up with jealousy, I get severely anxious and feel like I NEED to talk about it, vent, get upset etc. Lately I have been suppressing these, telling myself to wait awhile, deal with it tomorrow and maybe it won't seem so bad. You know what?? It NEVER is so bad - yes sometimes things may still seem suspicious if I let myself keep stretching my imagination, but reality is that most of my jealous thoughts stretch into the realm of fantasy. And sometimes, though I feel jealousy will never stop, I get a nice string of days where I wonder WHY I was so jealous in the first place. Like confidence blowing in from some warmer, gentler place. Ciao all. and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Wantingtogetitright Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 The Other Woman by Joy Fielding a fictional novel but boy did I learn a lot from it. Link to post Share on other sites
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