Rooster_DAR Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 So my EX decided she is going to continue her affair and I have moved out. I originally took the ring ($11,000.00) with me when I left. When she discovered that I took it, she said that she would have to report it stolen and the insurance company would come after me first and if I had it I could go to jail. I told her that the ring is a conditional gift, but she came off to me with the angle that I gave it to her as a gift. She is lying, I gave it to her when we proposed. Eventually I broke down and took her the ring back and she said if we reconcile she wants to get married. After a few days she started the same old confusing messages again, and was going out of town to what I presume is her affair parters state to visit him. After I saw no motive on her part to reconcile even after she swore that she wanted to do everything to gain my trust back, I finally realized she is still seeing this guy and I am on the backburner. So I sent her a text message saying I'm through with you and all your games, I'm done. Now, I'm regretting giving her the ring back. She already stiffed me with the house and all the belongins we had (long story, house is in her name). I realize there is not much I can do with the house and belongings, but I spent a lot of money on the ring and I feel I'm being duped. I also have a feeling she is going to snare this guy and marry him, hell he's already been introduce into our house and his vehicle is there. What do you guys think I should do? Cut my losses, or try to get the ring back? Regards, Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I read online that it's actually your legal right to do whatever you want with the ring, no matter who broke up with whom. Assuming that you paid for the ring, you have every right to get it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 RE: Oh boy, oh boy. This is a tough one. First of all, I don't know what you were thinking breaking down in front of her, and giving the engagement ring back. I don't mean to be ignorant, or cruel -but any man who would do that is a fool ! You showed her your innocent, soft side ~the man, who would do anything to satisfy his ex-girlfriend because he still loves her -or has divided feelings. The best thing you'll ever do for yourself is IF you stand up on your two feet, get back your ring and show some confident/spine for your actions. She has run away with the rainbow -and given you scraps of false hope. She wants to win ~badly win this race. Just my opinion. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
Cossette4 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I read the book "It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken" and in there, the authors say that all jewelry given to her as a gift is hers to keep EXCEPT the engagement ring. It's apparently custom for her to give that back... Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I think you are legally entitled to get the ring back. It isn't a gift, but given under the condition that you will marry. For example, if you proposed and she said 'no' would you have still given her the ring? Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I read the book "It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken" and in there, the authors say that all jewelry given to her as a gift is hers to keep EXCEPT the engagement ring. It's apparently custom for her to give that back... Forget customary, this is expensive enough to warrant legallity. (Yowsers, $11,000??? must be some ring!). I think it's worth it to talk to some lawyers. Link to post Share on other sites
J80 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Well, any court would give the ring to you if she ended the rleationship. So I wouldn't worry about any leagal issues. In fact, check out this link: http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/pg/1/objectId/E2120B2B-1C65-4E77-92A0ADC4FA3EDC2A/catId/F896EE61-B80C-4FE1-B1687AC0F07903BA/118/304/ART/ As far as what you SHOULD do, that's up to you. If it's really over, I guess it would be best to get your investment back...she certainly doesn't sound like she deserves it. Link to post Share on other sites
BareGoddess Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Wow, you sure picked a winner! What a low-class bitch! You know if you went to court over this, you'd probably win the case. It IS a conditional gift. What if that was a family heirloom? Would she have a right to keep it? Of course not. Same thing really. Get it back and save it for someone who really deserves it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 Yeah the problem is, she is now saying that I gave it to her as a gift which is a complete lie. I proposed to her, she accepted and now she's claiming it's a gift. Also, I did talk to an attorney and he said by the time attorney's cost are factored in it probably wouldn't amount to much, plus being dragged through the emotional thing again. I just very pissed off that this guy is now in what was our house. Link to post Share on other sites
BareGoddess Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Yeah the problem is, she is now saying that I gave it to her as a gift which is a complete lie. I proposed to her, she accepted and now she's claiming it's a gift. Also, I did talk to an attorney and he said by the time attorney's cost are factored in it probably wouldn't amount to much, plus being dragged through the emotional thing again. I just very pissed off that this guy is now in what was our house. Who cares what she says? It's your word against hers. Sounds like you have the upperhand. Most people don't give a ring like that "just as a gift." The attorney's fees are another matter. That stinks. I really feel for you. Maybe you'll just have to chalk this one up as a really expensive lesson never to be repeated. Forget about the guy and the house. It's just not what's important now but I DO understand how you must feel. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 If I were you I'd break into the house when she's gone and take it. F**k her. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Legal fees are expensive. IMO it wouldn't be financially worth it to go after the ring, but JMO take it with a grain of salt. Link to post Share on other sites
InsanityImpaired Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 You could start the proceedings and hope that she sees the hopelessness of the cause. But that is gambling on the fact that she does not have the money to spare to fight for this ring... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 If I were you I'd break into the house when she's gone and take it. F**k her. I thought about that, the neighbors know I lived there for two years and the dogs love me to death. I just don't want to risk any kind of blemish on my record, and I suspect there would be criminal charges brought against me which would in turn make me look like the bad guy here. I am just furious that this guy has practically moved into the house, damn we've only been separated for a few months and...well **it I'm pissed. She talked about starting a family by next year, and I bet it wasn't with me. Oh well, I guess I just need to let it go, but it's the principle here. So far, everything has worked in her favor and she's the one that screwed me over. This sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 Wow, you sure picked a winner! What a low-class bitch! Yeah, I'm seeing that now. I already filed a law suit against her and she was served, but I took it back because I did'nt want to go through with it. After that, she started coming back around claiming she wanted to reconcile. That's when I gave her the rings back. There were two rings, but I'm more concerned about the big one. Anyway, she kept up the confusion and contradictions again and finally I realilzed she might be trying to keep me calm so I don't stir up to much trouble. I'm still swaying in and out of should I go after her for the principle of the matter though. I sure would like to expose her affair to her employee, she works for a prestige company that I believe frowns on employee extramarital activity. That would be the ultimate justice. Cya Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Yeah the problem is, she is now saying that I gave it to her as a gift which is a complete lie. I proposed to her, she accepted and now she's claiming it's a gift. Also, I did talk to an attorney and he said by the time attorney's cost are factored in it probably wouldn't amount to much, plus being dragged through the emotional thing again. I just very pissed off that this guy is now in what was our house. I think this is a civil court matter-no lawyers needed. Probably cost you $250 or so for your filing fee and that's about it. I think it would be worth it.....I can't see how you'd lose. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 why would you give any woman an $11K ring? its probabaly worth around $3K on the open market now. what a waste. oh yeah, and it is a conditional gift, its your property until you get married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 I think this is a civil court matter-no lawyers needed. Probably cost you $250 or so for your filing fee and that's about it. I think it would be worth it.....I can't see how you'd lose. It's civil up to $5000.00 on my state. After that you have to go up the chain. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 It's civil up to $5000.00 on my state. After that you have to go up the chain. Damn. Didn't think about that. I guess one of the lessons here is to keep those rings under 5k. Sorry that you are going through this. I guess if it were me, i'd go to court even if it was a wash. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 The law is verrrry clear on this.. it doesn't matter what state you live in .. goggle it... She has to return the ring to you.. You are right that the ring is given with the intention of a wedding happening.. Sue her... and why in the hell did you give it back to her ???? She broke the engagement by cheating... Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Have a lawyer send her a letter demanding she return it and explaining to her the law. Tell her she has a specific amount of time to return it before you're going sue. It might scare her into giving it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 Have a lawyer send her a letter demanding she return it and explaining to her the law. Tell her she has a specific amount of time to return it before you're going sue. It might scare her into giving it back. Indeed! I will try that first. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Indeed! I will try that first. i'll save you $500 R_DAR. Just make a fake letter head with a fake firm's name and address and write the letter yourself. Do some research on the internet and word the letter professionally citing some obsure laws and put in all the legal mumbo jumbo. Then mail it to her certified mail. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 The law is verrrry clear on this.. it doesn't matter what state you live in .. goggle it... She has to return the ring to you.. You are right that the ring is given with the intention of a wedding happening.. Sue her... and why in the hell did you give it back to her ???? She broke the engagement by cheating... If you gave her the ring on a day that had no significance, say like July 2 providing that it isn't her b-day or anniversary, you can get the ring back. If, however, it was given to her on Valentine's Day or another day of some significance, it is hers. Because then it becomes a present in celebration of that day, rather than an engagement ring. So fellas...if you ever propose marriage to someone make sure you do it on any other day, not one with meaning. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 i'll save you $500 R_DAR. Just make a fake letter head with a fake firm's name and address and write the letter yourself. Do some research on the internet and word the letter professionally citing some obsure laws and put in all the legal mumbo jumbo. Then mail it to her certified mail. That could work too. But if she's the sort that checks into things, she might figure you out. Make it harder for her to check by getting someone who can pretend to be a lawyer and put their phone number on the letter in case she decides to do some checking. It's not illegal to impersonate a lawyer is it? Or maybe go to the library, look up the laws, make her a copy, highlight the important parts, and send it to her with a letter that says, "B*tch, gimme my ring or I'm suing your *ss!" ...or something along those lines. Link to post Share on other sites
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