Move on or take a risk?

[barfool]

It's been a while since I've posted here, though occasionally I lurked. Now I've got a bit of a situation I would appreciate some advice on from those more experienced than I.

 

I was friends with a guy from a few cities away, there were benefits too but friendship first. I grew to like and care for him. Months later ended up moving to his city for a better job and found out he had just acquired a gf. I tried to stay a good friend but it hurt to be around them so contact was soon lost. Fast forward maybe 4 months and I found out through mutual friends that they had just broke up because he had cheated on her. When I found this out my physical and emotional reactions were so much more than I would have anticipated.

 

The question is do I now take the opportunity to tell him how I've felt, wait and see what happens or write it off as one of my many failures?

[Parmalat]

Fast forward maybe 4 months and I found out through mutual friends that they had just broke up because he had cheated on her.

 

I don't know if it might just be me but this sends some warning signals. How sure can you be that when you take the risk, he's not just going to do this to you withing a few months.

 

How well do you know him really. Can you trust him. Do you think this could happen to you?

[Trialbyfire]

I don't know if it might just be me but this sends some warning signals. How sure can you be that when you take the risk, he's not just going to do this to you withing a few months.

 

How well do you know him really. Can you trust him. Do you think this could happen to you?

Exactly. Once a cheater...

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

The question is do I now take the opportunity to tell him how I've felt, wait and see what happens or write it off as one of my many failures?

 

Question: What does your gut tell you, Barfool?

 

I believe you shouldn't say a word to him. Zip. Keep your mouth shut, for now.

 

The break up is still too fresh, for any woman to jump for the desired target.

 

You should talk to him, as a friend, about the circumstances of the break up. Discuss the events, concerns, and intentions -that is IF he and you are close enough to converse about such a sensative topic.

 

Once, you've received the situational vibe from him ~think about what you want to do next.

 

Right now, you don't know IF you're walking on egg shells/mines or solid ground. Plus, I have a feeling this guy of yours won't turn out to be a creep.

 

Gain better perspective, is all I'm saying.

Sand&Water

[barfool]

Well, I don't necessarily believe that once a cheater always a cheater. I cheated once, and that was all. But I'm also not saying that I'm in love and want a commited relationship, I just kind of want to get this off my chest.

 

I think Sand&Water has hit an important point that it is too soon after a breakup for me to pounce. Maybe the time will come eventually where it seems the right thing to do, the confession. And maybe he'll get another gf before I ever get up the guts to say anything. Blah.

 

Thanks everyone.

[oyster]

Well, I don't necessarily believe that once a cheater always a cheater. I cheated once, and that was all. But I'm also not saying that I'm in love and want a commited relationship, I just kind of want to get this off my chest.

 

I think Sand&Water has hit an important point that it is too soon after a breakup for me to pounce. Maybe the time will come eventually where it seems the right thing to do, the confession. And maybe he'll get another gf before I ever get up the guts to say anything. Blah.

 

Thanks everyone.

 

just asked him about the break up as a friend, spend more time as a friend then slowly let him know your feelings.

 

If you don't, down the road you will have "what if?" questions in your mind.

[barfool]

Oy vey. Ran into him today at the mall (karma?). We were so happy to see each other, hugs and all that, my stomach in my throat and my heart accelerating. Didn't want to ask him up front about his situation with his girlfriend, but from our conversation I get the impression that they are still together. I'm so conflicted right now. So happy to renew our friendship but at the same time devastated that he is not available. It's like some circle of hell where what I want is right in front of me but I just can't reach it.

[Guest]

It's like some circle of hell where what I want is right in front of me but I just can't reach it.

 

Or rather - you want what's in front of you BECAUSE you can't reach it. Been there done that got the t-shirt.

[barfool]

I have considered that and in all honesty I don't whether it's the truth in this situation or not. I mean, how do you know until you try it out?

[Art_Critic]

I say you go for it... he seems to be happy to see you etc..

 

What negatives could come of it ??

 

I have always been a risk taker and even though each time I take a risk and I get handed my nuts I don't let that stop me from taking risks..

[Guest]

"When I found this out my physical and emotional reactions were so much more than I would have anticipated"

 

please explain more - wink

 

like i was saying earlier so much happened this year things i never done, lived, etc.

 

i was played and i did a rebound - i can't believe i did it but i could tell right away - and u know why?

 

because when we think we are entirely over someone its usually in yer mind and u think - but yer body has been spoiled and develop a like, no love, no craving, no need, onnnnnnnnnnnnnn

 

for the person u were with...so your body wants what it knows makes everything sweet and delicious and well...it is being given that is it - wink

 

anyhooooooooooooooo - just a quick thanks for this afternoon

 

i am gonna start taking better care of myself from now on

 

question to woman - lets say u just bought u own home after years of bouncing around and it iis finally YOURS then 4 months down the road yer ex [u lived at his place for 10 years] calls u [u stilll like him but in a well he's ok

and during the talk he says he sold his house and wants to live with u

 

what u would u say

[barfool]

AC, I read your post and thought about it then came back later to rethink and just happened to notice your signature quote. It's funny sometimes how these little surprises in life let you know which direction to take.