My Wife Doesn't Love Me The Same Anymore

[Gunny376]

Women who are contemplating or having an affair/cheating will use depression to masque their intentions. When my EX called me from out of state saying she was terribly depressed, I knew something wasnt' right. She came home, distanced herself from, taking sudden trips out of stated and text messaging night and day. I would have probably believed the whole depression had it not been for the odd behaviour. Finally after I knew something was going on, she hit a breaking point and finally came clean. Ont top of that this guy she had been involved with has already practically moved into our house after only a few months of seperation.

 

Distancing + need space + depression = Cheating

 

It'll become "crystal clear" to him after he crawls his azz out from under the bus that just ran over him! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!

[FlyingHigh]

It'll become "crystal clear" to him after he crawls his azz out from under the bus that just ran over him! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!

Gunny! You crack me up!!!! LOL! How long ago did the military let you go?! :D

[mum2three]

Hey guys,

 

Does it apply to males too? I honestly think that sounds like my husband. He denies any other 3rd party but I am not convinced. Since he told me that he wants a divorce a couple of wks ago, he has managed to detach completely mentally and physically. I can't penetrate the wall at all. There is no love or loyalty. He is snippy all the time, acts resentful over nothing. He may be depressed b/c he is unhappy overall (maybe b/c of me?). He says that he needs his space and that he is in a very dark place right now. Hmmm....

[Rooster_DAR]

Hey guys,

 

Does it apply to males too? I honestly think that sounds like my husband. He denies any other 3rd party but I am not convinced. Since he told me that he wants a divorce a couple of wks ago, he has managed to detach completely mentally and physically. I can't penetrate the wall at all. There is no love or loyalty. He is snippy all the time, acts resentful over nothing. He may be depressed b/c he is unhappy overall (maybe b/c of me?). He says that he needs his space and that he is in a very dark place right now. Hmmm....

 

 

Absolutely, it applies to both genders. Judging by what your describing, you are in for a long roller coaster ride. I hope we are wrong, but this is the typical behaviour of someone who is at least checked out emotionially, but from my experience has put their energy elsewhere.

 

Post back as thing progress with you, I'm interested in your turnout.

 

Thanks

[FlyingHigh]

Hey guys,

 

Does it apply to males too? I honestly think that sounds like my husband. He denies any other 3rd party but I am not convinced. Since he told me that he wants a divorce a couple of wks ago, he has managed to detach completely mentally and physically. I can't penetrate the wall at all. There is no love or loyalty. He is snippy all the time, acts resentful over nothing. He may be depressed b/c he is unhappy overall (maybe b/c of me?). He says that he needs his space and that he is in a very dark place right now. Hmmm....

At least your husband is more outspoken. My stbxh was passive aggressive and they are the worst species on earth because they're like walking time bombs! He played the "perfect" husband that his family, closest friends never ever suspected he'd be capable of cheating and lying even after discovery day! Hell, the bastard even swore on his mother's life! His poor Mom died a month later after all that lying! That SOB! My lesson? Avoid the quiet ones because you don't see it coming!!! They're like friggin' train wreck!!!

[mum2three]

Wish I was in better spirits tonite. It's 10pm and he is still not back from x'mas shopping...so he claims. If he is really shopping, I still hate him for being able to just move on so quickly.

 

My H has been passsive aggressive thruout out relationship. Then he acts resentful towards me and makes snappy comments over unimportant things. It seems to be all about control. Now he is acting like he is in the driver's seat.

 

I really hate this cold treatment and indifference. I am here for the sake of the kids. But I wonder if it would be better if we lived separately? It is the next official step to letting go. It will be hard for me either way. I guess it is the beginning of something that will be finite and he is not the type to go back. He is not even considering counseling so if one of us moves out that is it. But I feel suffocated by his disengagement towards me.

[mum2three]

I have to agree with you b/c I am fairly extroverted. I have lots of people to talk to. But I definitely will avoid these quiet types b/c you never really know what they are thinking. My H is a saint in most people's eyes. He is professionally respected, smart in technology, handy around the house, financially doing well and has a picture perfect family. He is predictable in most sense but can;t handle emotional conflicts. It makes him explosive. We are probably better off separate.

 

When I let a few close friends know about the D-bomb they were all speechless. My H is the type who will chat with you but nothing deep or introspective. I have never felt connected to him mentally that way. I guess he probably feels the same b/c he is much more concrete and action oriented. Oye vey, in need of some good company.

[Gunny376]

At least your husband is more outspoken. My stbxh was passive aggressive and they are the worst species on earth because they're like walking time bombs! He played the "perfect" husband that his family, closest friends never ever suspected he'd be capable of cheating and lying even after discovery day! Hell, the bastard even swore on his mother's life! His poor Mom died a month later after all that lying! That SOB! My lesson? Avoid the quiet ones because you don't see it coming!!! They're like friggin' train wreck!!!

 

Why, don't you tell us how you really feel about it?!

[FlyingHigh]

Wish I was in better spirits tonite. It's 10pm and he is still not back from x'mas shopping...so he claims. If he is really shopping, I still hate him for being able to just move on so quickly.

 

My H has been passsive aggressive thruout out relationship. Then he acts resentful towards me and makes snappy comments over unimportant things. It seems to be all about control. Now he is acting like he is in the driver's seat.

 

I really hate this cold treatment and indifference. I am here for the sake of the kids. But I wonder if it would be better if we lived separately? It is the next official step to letting go. It will be hard for me either way. I guess it is the beginning of something that will be finite and he is not the type to go back. He is not even considering counseling so if one of us moves out that is it. But I feel suffocated by his disengagement towards me.

Mo3,

I'm so sorry your hubby is one hell of a disrespectful SOB like my stbx! Hey, maybe they're twins!!! Don't malls close at 9PM on Saturday nights? He's at restaurant/bar or rendevousing with you know who. FOLLOW YOUR GUT INSTINCTS. It's there for a reason.

 

His "control" crap is a flippin smoke to cover up up his LACK of control over keeping his zipper "locked in its upright position". And for those OW who want 'em down, well....I wouldn't stand in line after them! Would you?

 

Seriously, Mo3, I think you know in your heart that in order for your marriage to have a shot, your H needs to acknowledge his misdeeds. Until then, he's like a friggin' kid in a candy store!!! Question is, are you going to let him shop in your store? You've got the best candy store in town. Tell him to go pound salt. I kicked my cheating SOB once on D-day, but he couldn't live an honest life. Forgave the bastard, but he kept lying. So finally kicket is azz out compliments of the police department. That was the last time he would ever lie to me. Damn, I should've done that the first time for good!!! So much happier.

 

He lives in his late mother's townhouse along with his unemployed sister. He sleeps on his mother's bed. While I?.....in the house we bought last year with my rescued dog. I should've gotten to know his family better!!! They should've been a red flag!!! They are ALL passive aggessive!!! His mistress new he was married from the get go. Yep, had contacts with the lying SOB-yatch myself. Called her the day after hubby was kicked out to ask her if she were pregnant because he couldn't give me a straight answer. Then she had the audacity to tell me she "understood" what I was going through because her ex-husband of ten years also cheated on her! LOL!!! Yep, folks! Let's hear those jaws drop!

 

After hubby was kicked out, found his dirty list. He described her in writing to his IC as enjoying her "acts of service". Yep, let's hear them jaws drop one more time! Had the joy of showing my passive aggressive hubby the door and celebrated in joy of his new found discovery of finally finding the woman of his dreams: "a doormat with tits!":D

Lawyers will duke it out. Can't say more. He could be lurking.

 

Okay, I do feel better! :D

[FlyingHigh]

Why, don't you tell us how you really feel about it?!

You know I rarely vent... But damn that felt good!!! :D

 

Did you read the other one? Thank goodness for LS! Hell, its cheaper than counseling!!! I paid most of the sessions myself through my insurance. That should've also been a clue that the SOB wasn't on the up and up. He was lying the entire time to our MC and his IC!

 

Funny how it all ends. There I was trying so hard to make the marriage work but the bastard didn't have one honest thread left on him!

[doglick]

Like i said in the past posts, i know she is not cheating.. yes emails and phones . I see all. But you might be right in the thought that the she might think the grass is greener on the other side .. I think my grass is already green . It is just funny how she doesnt care about the money and stuff it is like the other poster said it is more important to me then her. I think by staying home for 8 year and raising one child it has taken away her identity.

 

She needs to work and yes she has been talking about working with handicap kids for years as one of her girl friends is def and thought her to sign. I have been giving her space around the house and not talking about stuff with her just everyday ****.No more deep crying and emotional talks. I have the separation papers done up and think im going to get her to sign them. Mabey this way after new year ,i can move out get my own place .

 

This 10 day holiday is going to be interesting. It might be like going with my sister ,but it is all good. I love her hugely but i think she need to find herself first before she can be mine again. I guess when i think about it , how would i feel always having to ask or get money from my spose. I think it does wither down your selfworth ,or mabey she really doesnt love me that way anymore. I think only time will tell. They say if you love something and let it go it was never yours if it dosnt come back .

[Richard2007]

Doglick, How is it going to date?

 

I am in the same situation as well. It started Oct 27th, when I came home and my wife was gone with many things, including our kids and dog.

 

I was shocked and in denial. I had panic and fear going through my system.

 

She ended up getting her own apartment and got a few new things such as furniture.

 

She hired an attorney for a legal separation, but called it all off. We tried working it out for a month or so. After a month, she ended up telling me she was not sure if it was going to work out and needed more space. Also, she ended up taking her wedding ring off the next month. Usually it seemed as if she was more emotional around her period. Mood swings are intense.

 

We have two children, 8 and 4. Married for 13 years. She said the same thing, part of her loves me and part of her is not sure? She had felt unappreciated too. I continue to wear my ring and now am just encouraging her on finding herself too.

 

We have worked together in a business I started almost twenty years ago. She has helped me tremendously in the past. She says she feels she does not own anything, such as the house, business, etc. I tried explaining to her that to me she owns everything with me, yet she feels differently. She recently got her real estate license and is now in the process of pursing a new carreer. I am very supportive of it. She does have mixed emotions about everything it seems. She says she is not depressed but I wonder. She lost her mom last year and it has been tearing her up dearly.

 

I am also in limbo as I lover her very much and don't know what to do except give her the space she needs and be supportive. I just dislike it when she says sort of mean things to me yet at times gives me intentions of possibly coming back home? Very confusing.

 

The other day, I asked her if she got into real estate and did really well with it, why would you ever want to come back? She came in and gave me a hug and said its because she loves me. See, very confusing.

 

There is also no other male. I asked her a few times now about seeing someone or wanting to date other men. She replied and said absolutly not. She said she was not sure she would ever be able to date anyone ever again. Very confusing and shocking as well.

 

I spoke about being intimate at some point as it has been almost three months. When I hugged her she started to laugh. She said she had weird feelings going through her body and it was not laughing at me. She said she feels funny about it and does not think she could do it. That was a real blow to me. I now am not trying to hug her anymore and just want to leave her alone. Anyway, I am starting to just be happy around her and not feed on her negative emotions. I wonder what that will do.

 

I know now this could take a while. I know it has taken a while to get to this point for her and need to be supportive but as time goes on, it does get more difficult for myself to deal with. Life is short. I don't have a time limit, yet wonder what the outcome is going to be?

 

Anyway, that is my story which is similar and was wondering how you are making out or how anyone else may have made out in a similar situation. I am just taking it day by day and trying to concentrate on our kids and the business.

 

Rich

[Chris777]

I went through this 10 years ago.

we were married 2 years, and "She just didn't love me anymore." One of my coworkers had a son went threoug hthe exact same thing. Other thean the length of you marrage, it is becoming more an more common, in a bizzare way. I even responded to another post just like yours a few months back.

 

Like the others said, BE CAREFUL, if your lawyer has drawn up joint I suggest you speak to him of the possibility of you going after Full, for your kids sake.

My lawyer was a lazy old coot, and he didn't follow my instructions, however I did mistakenly bring my daughter to the sighning, so she could see her mom, who for some unexplainable reason was extrememly hostile toward me, So I let the joint wording slide to spare my 2 yr old child from seeing a fight.

 

I have had full custody in all sence of the word other than not getting support from her, and her not visiting our daughter worth snuff, I even went waaaay above and beyond taking my daughter to visit her mom, when she said she "couldn't" come get our daughter. Now I am having severe medical problems, and the ex is out of luck.

She apparently likes getting roughed up without her kids more than being treated decently as she has gone back to an abusive situation, again. (her 1st hubby was, i was the second)

 

Pray things change, for her, but for your kids sake, and your own, be cautious.

 

I have Quite literally lost all my finances, and now my health, so if it werent for my family I would be on the street, with my child.

[Sup]

Doglick I read your story and about your wife who has had it good for years. The best life, worry free, just take care of the kid while you work hard. Now she doesn't love you!, has the audacity to expect half of the house and money to get her on her feet once she leaves you. Doglick stop crying my friend you did everything right she either needs to count her many blessings or leave a loving marriage with out a pot to pee in and no custody of your child. YOu need to prove she is not emotionaly stable. YOu have your whole life ahead of you you are not a failure in any thing don't feel bad just get the h out that realionship today. good luck man.

 

 

Um, I second the motion. By the way, while you talk to your Lawyer, see about getting the house, custody and your finances, protect yourself MAN! There most likely is someone else that you just have NO CLUE about, perhaps even over the net, I suggest you install a good keylogger, just to make sure. Also check into getting a PI to check up on her. Laterz.

[Flyin in Clouds]

I agree how important it is for a woman to have her own identity outside the realm of "wife and mother". There's just more to life than that.

 

A lot of guys work because they have to to suppor their family, not because they love their job. And there is more to life than being a meal ticket for a stay at home mom. Do women ever think that men get tired of being "used" as just a husband and father and slave?

 

I know she is not cheating.. that is not a question.. ...

 

and just how do you know that? what makes you certain she isn't.

 

value her in some more meaningful capacity other than being a good wife and mother?

 

Do you make her feel valued as a lover? Companion. Not just a mere housewife and good mother. Think she could possibly want to be a "woman".

 

So what's happened on the trip?

[doglick]

Well I still trying to get my head around this stuff. Is anybody left thats wants to hear what has been going on?

We had a good holiday, we even had sex so it was not like going with my sister.the wierd part is we get along so well. I love her so much this is so hard.

 

I had her sign separation papers which i know i sound like an ass, but i have lots on the line. I love 2 things , my family and my money and i dont want to loose both.

We are still living together ,but it is hard for me. I find myself growing bitter towards her ,and i dont like it. I have to figure out if moving out is the thing to do. I worry about my kid. I dont want him affected ,he is only 8.

 

She has been going to a head dr. trying to figure things out. And she is now in night school 2 nights a week learning to work with deaf people.

I wish you people in the form will realize "There is no other man"

ok so please put that to rest.

 

She still says she doesnt havent have those feelings for me ,but doesnt want me to move out because our kid ,but is that a good enough reason. I dont want to resent her or become bitter towards her.

[Guest]

Wow this has been a ****ty 4 months , but i put my head back into work and forget about the home problems. The thing is ,they always rear there head.Well now the sex has stopped as well. She say i cant take sex just as that, "sex and nothing else."

 

I think one of the original posters was right. She needs to get a job and find herself and then mabey if she wants me she can work on our relationship.Well she found a job and a good job . part time but just enough . she has been to a IC a few times but at $140 an hour all they yap about is my cell phone. Dont figure. I think my wife has not felt importnat enough in or marriage due to me working .

 

I dont go out drinking or watching hockey i just work a good 6 to 8 hours a day 6 days a week alot of my work is done on the phone. and a few calls on sundays. I know mabey i should have shut if off but she never asked and the phone means money. Now I think i have to get the balls to move out for a bit and give her some room. Nothing for her has changed. Im still home with her, beside her at night, paying the bills. Nothing has changed for her.

 

I think if i move out and see if she misses me. She has told me 100 times she dosent love me the same anymore but i have a hard head. She says she doesnt know if it can be fixed and yet im still her 4 months and same stuff. I think the only reason i am still her living with her is becuase we get along fine and my son.