lea06 Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Me and my fiance have been together for almost 8 yrs he proposed to me like 6yrs ago i said yes but we never got married we now have a7 yr old we have lived together for 7 yrs.Now it has always been akward to say were not married iam not sure why we havent already well i think i do but dont know if thats just what i have always thought the reason was or if it is the true reason (not having money to do it).i dont know if i feel so comfortable now with the way things are that i am kind of afraid to get married.At that time years ago i would have done it now i dont know if i want to.i wonder if i find someone else attractive does that mean i shouldnt not that i have ever cheated or would but that just makes me think twice are those feelings normal or does it mean something else how should your sex life be after 8 yrs i really dont have any interest should i still be interested please help my mind is racing and i think he going to buy a wedding ring set for christmas! Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 I think you should definitely go to counseling before getting married. I really can't say that you should or not. I think only you can say that yourselves, but from what you said here, the reasons you stated, IMO sounds like you guys need to work on strengthening your relationship. I'm still not saying you shouldn't get married. I think your feelings are natural for such a long relationship and you need to get back into each other. Sounds to me like it's lacking a little bit of passion. I'm only going by what you said here. I know there is much more to your story. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 i feel so comfortable now with the way things are that i am kind of afraid to get married Honey, if you've lived together for 7 years and have a 7 year old together, having the piece of paper that says you are married isn't going to change much. I guess I'm a bit confused by your post. You say that you are comfortable with the the way things are, which leads me to believe that you are happy in your relationship, but at the same time you sound like you don't want to be in it. Yes, the passion does come and go in any long term relationship, so it may just be a cycle. You really have to listen to your hear on this one. Also, it's okay to think other people are attractive. Your hormones don't go away once you comitt to someone. But if you are thinking you'd rather be with the person you think is attractive, that could be a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Honey, if you've lived together for 7 years and have a 7 year old together, having the piece of paper that says you are married isn't going to change much. I guess I'm a bit confused by your post. You say that you are comfortable with the the way things are, which leads me to believe that you are happy in your relationship, but at the same time you sound like you don't want to be in it. Yes, the passion does come and go in any long term relationship, so it may just be a cycle. You really have to listen to your hear on this one. Also, it's okay to think other people are attractive. Your hormones don't go away once you comitt to someone. But if you are thinking you'd rather be with the person you think is attractive, that could be a red flag. I didn't catch that Bab. I thought she said she was "un"comfortable with the way things were (because of her attraction to others, etc.) I totally agree with you. And yes, it's perfectly normal to be attracted to someone other than your SO. I'm sure he finds other women attractive too. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 I didn't catch that Bab. I thought she said she was "un"comfortable with the way things were (because of her attraction to others, etc.) I totally agree with you. And yes, it's perfectly normal to be attracted to someone other than your SO. I'm sure he finds other women attractive too. It was this sentence that confused me and prompted my first paragraph: "i dont know if i feel so comfortable now with the way things are that i am kind of afraid to get married" Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 It was this sentence that confused me and prompted my first paragraph: "i dont know if i feel so comfortable now with the way things are that i am kind of afraid to get married" Ok, now I am confused. I was agreeing with you that last time. I re-read it and thought she was saying she was comfortable with the way things were. I think I've got it now. Link to post Share on other sites
KnottyLady Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 OP, There seems to be some questions that you need answered for yourself before becoming comfortable with his proposal. 1) How do you define marriage in a generic sense? When you hear the word "marriage," does the term honestly send you images of standing inside a room with no doors or windows? Or do you see several movie clips of ups and downs, but when summarized, a general sense joy? Can you envision some type of fulfillment? 2) You've obviously made a decision some time back to commit to this man,but are you able to respond with a convincing "yes!" when someone asks you if he's The One? Or do you hesitate? 3) If you didn't have your daughter, would you still feel this way about his proposal? 4) Pretend you broke up with your fiance. You have a bank balance of 1,000,000,000 (*sigh!) and you have the most ideal custody situation in regards to your daughter. What would your life be like? Could you be happy without him? 5) Have you tried to talk to him about the sex life? If you still can't find resolution, going to a good therapist can usually drudge up some good information about yourself and the situation. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
vanessabg Posted December 27, 2006 Share Posted December 27, 2006 Me and my fiance have been together for almost 8 yrs he proposed to me like 6yrs ago i said yes but we never got married we now have a7 yr old we have lived together for 7 yrs.Now it has always been akward to say were not married iam not sure why we havent already well i think i do but dont know if thats just what i have always thought the reason was or if it is the true reason (not having money to do it).i dont know if i feel so comfortable now with the way things are that i am kind of afraid to get married.At that time years ago i would have done it now i dont know if i want to.i wonder if i find someone else attractive does that mean i shouldnt not that i have ever cheated or would but that just makes me think twice are those feelings normal or does it mean something else how should your sex life be after 8 yrs i really dont have any interest should i still be interested please help my mind is racing and i think he going to buy a wedding ring set for christmas! Only solution is that you get marriage as soon as you can never think about this or that etc...after marriage will try to live happy life. Link to post Share on other sites
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