Engaged and Long distance

[everchanging7822]

Here is the story,

 

I am eastern european, educated speak three languages, have two degrees and on my way to become a junior judge.Currently doing an international master programme, have traveled abroad.Met this guy over the internet in the beginning of April 2005 almost two years ago.He is american still does not have a degree and is in his fourth final year.We met online and I was not in my country but abroad.He kept calling me every day and insisted we keep in touch.He would call on my cell and we woudl talk for one hour at least.So I leave that country go back to my country and we still keep in touch.He calls me every day and we talk for at least 3 hours every day.He did all the pursuing.I never did anything.

He said he really likes me and all.I told him I am interested in a long term committed relationship that will lead to a common future and that at that stage of my life I had enough work experience and school so I just want to find the right person and settle.I was very upfront.He said he wants the same.Long story short.He comes in January 2006 meets my parents, proposes in front of them , talk to my father , my mother who ask him if he is completely sure in what he is doing and he says yes.He buys me a diamond engagement ring.Goes back to the US and does absolutely nothing to work towards our common future.Starts making excuses why he has not filled in the engagement visa documents.This drags till March 2006 when I get really mad and ask what is going on.He says he is too stressed but will fill them in in May 2006.May came he didnot do that.So I ask again in June and he says he is not going to come to my country although he promised my father he will.I go on a business trip abroad and I am really busy at my work.This master degree programme comes and he says - go do it.I am - what about our future?He says- I should take care of myself.He helps me to go to the master degree programme.And has been really very helpful when my father had a heart attack he called and was moral support.

I go to the master programme in October 2006 and our talks diminish to once a week for 5- 10 minutes.He says he cannot get through or the connection is bad and always find excuses.He does not write e mails just one line sentence.So I am like what is going on?Are we engaged?What we are?

I asked him to discuss this.And since Saturday tried to make him call so that we donot discuss it via e mails or messenger.He always coudl not find the time or the connection was too bad and he cannot hear anything.So finally today I wanted to discuss it on messenger.And he says we do not talk to each other and we fight - which is not true because I have never fought with him for anything and that he will not make it for the winter break so we have no future.And now he does not want to marry and is not ready.He tried with I donot know and we will see but I am smart enough to know when somebody sells me crap.

I am disappointed and he says he understands.Can I forgive - I donto think so?Can I ever go back - NEVER.Did I love him - very much so.Did I feel loved - no , especially the months starting from March 2006 till now.I thought there is another woman but he denies and says he does not have the time for that because he works and studies etc.And always says he is stressed and that was not the right time to ask these questions before his finals.But will he love me only when he is not stressed and when he is he will not?

I donot know what to do or think?I believed he is an honest person , who truely loves me and cares about me the way I care about him.

I hope some of you will shed more light on my situation .

Thank you for reading

[bab]

I am sorry for the pain that you are going through. It does sound like your relationship is over and you should move on. Long distance relationships are hard, and when both parties aren't putting in a maximum amount of effort, it's no suprise when they fizzle out. Good luck to you in your Master's program. I'm am sure that you can have a fufilling life without this man.

[everchanging7822]

Thank you BAB, for your prompt reply.

I am sure I can have a fulfilling life without him because I had it up so far even without him next to me.The thing is you cannot mislead people.You either want something or you do not.I am sure he woudl have dragged this for as long as he wished . He says we are not engaged and this is what really hurt me.I guess he didnot love me enough.I donot really know

[Shrelana]

Oooo...I'm so sorry you are experiencing this...It might be a good idea to tell him to either get serious, or leave, but not to keep yanking your chain....and I thought 374 miles was a lont way....*hugs* I'm sure you'll get through it though....

Good luck on your masters though!

[everchanging7822]

Hey Shrelana and Bab,

 

Thank you for the replies.I appreciate your wise advice and kind words.You have been right.I called him today and he called back.He says he got cold feet , he is not ready to get married and he will not commit.I told him I am not ready to marry now either because I am in this programme but seems he does not want us anymore.

So this says it all I guess.He claims he still loves me but the above mentioned does not prove the existence of any feelings what so ever.

I am planning on going to No contact and willnot pick up the cell phone in case he calls.I told him I need to heal and that I willnot call him and he said he will not call either so I guess this will make it easier.He thinks I am joking about it but I am not and he thinks I will be always around .But I told him New year new luck and he was like what is the rush for.I ended up telling him he will meet somebody better than me and he said he doubts that.

It was awful to hear all of this.I understand the financial aspects and the school and work and that it can be very stressful but the fact that he willnot commit really made me think and realise there is somethign more than the stress from school and work.I think he does not love me anymore and that probably there is somebody else but he is not sure how it will go and that is why says there is nothing.My intuition tells me there is something.

He acts very cold and distant and it hurts me but I guess it is for the better.

That is all from me:).

Thanks for the support!