Its a NOVEL...but can someone me out here!!!

[Guest]

Hello,

 

So I'm here today to get out what I been feeling with my girl for some time now. I have so many reasons to sit here and build up a huge list in my head of why I think shes cheating or cheated on me before. Please read and give me some opinions...

 

I moved to Spain for this girl...we meet while she was on vacation in florida. We did Long Distance for about 1 year till I finally upped and moved there. First 4-6 months were AMAZING. She was the best thing a guy could ask for. Always there, called 24/7, sex was great. I went through some rough times without my family or friends and I took a lot of stress out on her. I don't know why, but I started accusing her of cheating or asking her time to time if she was. At first it was normal, she brushed it off...after a while it really got to her and things changed. We would fight ALL the time and it got worse and worse.

 

I had my reasons to suspect...

 

Before I moved to Spain, I visited a lot and we really started to fall in love hard. After About 3 months after I left on a visit she called me one night and straight out admitted something happened. She went on about how she went out with her friends for dinner...drove this guys home and he reached over to give her a hug goodnight and tried to kiss her? She said there was contact to her lips but she immediately shoved him away and kicked him out of her car? Come on now...maybe that is 100% true, but were all human here and how often does a scenario like that really happen?

 

It takes 2 to tango and I just can't seem to trust that it went down like that. This happened like 1 year ago and I still have doubts? Anyways...that really killed it for me. Since that night a BIG part of my heart got torn and I have a hard time trusting her since that.

 

She goes off about not being a slut and claims the last time she had sex was 10 years ago, until me? But...when I meet her in Florida when she was on vacation...we hung out like 4-5 nights and basically did everything but sex? Only after 1 week she can just drop her panties and bob my shaft? She claims she only did that with me and nothing like that with other guys...but she tells me how when she was younger she did have a FTF? Friends that ****? And she was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years before me...then after 3 months of breaking up jumped into it with me?

 

To make things even more insane, Before I actually asked her out we still would kinda see people but let each other know if someone else was in the picture. One night she told me how she got way to friendly with a co-worker and supposedly just made out with him. I didn't care, I was dating as well. On a visit I go out to dinner with her and her friends, then later down the road I find out the guy I was sitting next to that whole night was that co-worker she fooled around with! All the people at her work supposedly knew she meet this guy in florida, yet she messed with that guy? It was pretty degrading to know this guy already messed with her...and I moved alllll the way to Spain for her? WTF?

 

Also little things seem to trip me out...some times the car seat is moved back like if a guy was sitting there, she sometimes gets bruises on her body outta nowhere. Sex has changed big time, we used to go at it like rabbits 6 times a week. Now Im lucky if it happens once a week. It feels different too, not so emotional anymore...I actually get depressed after we have sex? I'd rather not even have sex if its gonna be so unpleasant?

 

Feelings change every other day, one day I feel great and were fine, then the next day I start obsessing about this **** and I want to call her up and start interrogating. I am actually scared to ever confront her again about my accusations because she goes off about how there all BS and its ruining this relationship? The thing that kills me, is either I got issues with trust and thats the prob, or this girl is taking me for the biggest ride of my life. Should I even think about asking her to take a lie detector test? I wish I could truly forget things and trust this girl 100%. Anyone got ideas or suggestions?

 

CRAZY-IN-LOVE

[Guest]

I think the best advice I can give you at this point is to just cut things off as they are. If you've tried talking, and you get no real answers, you're only making things worse by prodding more. I think you should at least take some time off and give yourself awhile to think about things. Your perspective will change.

[Guest]

Hey,

 

Thanks for the advice, but it still doesn't' answer my question. Are these scenario's I am creating in my head valid and I should suspect something or my insecurities have ruined this relationship? Does it sound like she cheated or is cheating? Thank you again for posting!

 

CRAZY - IN - LOVE

[che_jesse]

I really dont think the car seat means anything, I move mine back all time time, its because I'm trying to clean up the stuff that gets underneath the seat, not banging some other guy.

 

Just because she messed around with someone else before the two of you were exclusive does not mean that she does now.

 

Why would she even bother telling you about some guy that tried to kiss her?

 

Dunno... something does not sound right but not to the extent that you make it sound.

[norajane]

OMG, sorry, but you sound like a jealous freak and yes, have created these problems in your head.

[Guest]

LOL! Thank you for the comments, I know I have issues with jealousy and trust...but "Jealous Freak" thats a first...I guess I didn't realize I could act in that way? Please realize you guys don't know my girlfriend and haven't seen or been through the things that I have!

 

To all you true women out there, do you have any suggestions on how I can build this relationship back? Do any of you know what it this does to a person? I truely love this girl and I want more then anything to get out of this dry spell and make things "Magical" once again.

 

After all the fighting it seems like this is impossible? Whenever I tell my girlfriend this she still says we should be together and dosen't want this to end, yet I don't feel it coming back like how it used to be?

 

I don't understand why she keeps holding on to this when I can see it in her eyes that she does not love me anymore let alone attracted to me? WTF am I supposed to do here?!?!!

 

Seriously....I try to be attentive, romantic, funny and be perfectly nice but that just makes me to easy and pushes her away...then I play it cool and laid back, do my own thing...but this just seems to let her drift even more and we grow farther apart??????

 

Something is totally not right in this relationship and I have no idea how to handle things!!!! For me its NOT about who was right or wrong I just want to feel peace between myself and my girlfriend!

 

Maybe I do sound like a jealous freak...but I'm living in Spain completely by myself. I don't have any close friends yet and I don't have the luxury of family. I've gotten VERY insecure and my self-esteem is shot since I moved here, I dropped my WHOLE life and moved here for this girl, only to mess things up??? Come on...there has GOT to be another reason things are like this!?!?!

 

CRAZY - IN - LOVE

[Guest]

How long did you accuse her of cheating on you? Did she ever show concern that you love her and don't want her to cheat? Why does she seem to get upset with you?

[Walk]

[she] claims the last time she had sex was 10 years ago,

 

Only after 1 week she can just drop her panties and bob my shaft? She claims she only did that with me and nothing like that with other guys...

 

And she was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years before me...then after 3 months of breaking up jumped into it with me?

 

Before I actually asked her out we still would kinda see people...

 

One night she told me how she got way to friendly with a co-worker and supposedly just made out with him.

 

Either she's lying to you, or she's was being incredibly specific about not having had physical intercourse in 10 years. (maybe everything else was fair game?) But I really can't see someone dating a person for 3 years and not having sex. Especially if she showed she was willing to have sex with you so early in the relationship.

 

Plus she was happily 'getting it on' with a co-worker but attempting to convince you that she was near virginal for the past ten years.

 

My thoughts on this.. You're not an insecure creepola. I think she's said things that have made you question her honesty and moral integrity. But it sounds as if what was said was small enough that it didn't raise any huge warning bells for you. But when you start combining the doubts over time, it causes you to lose trust in her. Since these are things that won't necessarily jump up and screem "I'm lying", then you end up second guessing yourself. But still not able to set aside the doubts that have crept in. So they come out as accusations that she's cheating on you.

 

I think if you want to trust this girl, then you're going to have to ask a lot more questions from her. Not "Are you cheating", drop that one ok. Even if you got a straight answer you'd never believe her, so you can't get what you want by asking it. But what I'm saying is don't make assumptions, if there's even an iota of a chance that you may misinterpret what she's saying, then ask more questions about it. You might be better off attacking this as though it's a communication problem first. If it seems that no matter how many questions you ask, or how much you try to communicate, that you're still getting different slants on the same story, then I would assume she's not a trust worthy person.

 

I don't think your nuts or anything. I'm not sure if I would assume she's cheating just yet.. but talk to her about the things that are hanging you up. What her actions say versus her words. Maybe there are simple explainations, and a real attempt at communication can clear up any misunderstandings between the two of you. (Real attempt meaning: don't even hint that you think she's lying. Just ask her what she meant, how she viewed things, how she perceived things. ie: "You said you hadn't had sex for 10 years, but you were in a relationship for 3 years. It seems strange to me, but I'm wondering if I didn't understand you. What did you mean?")

[Shrelana]

Hello,

 

, she sometimes gets bruises on her body outta nowhere.

 

 

I wouldn't worry too much about "bruises outta nowhere." I get strange and mysterious bruises all the time, and won't be sexually active until my wedding...heck...a lot of them probably come from work (bookstore and a food place) I'm always dropping boxes weird ways and noticing strange bruises as well as bumping into things. Heck...I had a bruise show up right b/w my boobs and I never figured out what happened It was kinda funny, I looked at my boss and asked her if she remembered me dropping a box weird...we never did figure it out LOL.

 

I can see why she'd get ticked though. Honestly, if my fiance asked me if I was cheating as often as it sounds like you are asking her...I'd be ticked. The relationship would be over by now b/c I would not want to feel like I wasn't trusted. Yes, you moved to Spain for her, but you can't expect everything to be perfect all the time, can you? And, as far as the sex changing...I'm sure it gets to the point where the honeymoon is over ( I know, your not married, but the phrase fits). And, where I'm sure sex is pleasureful (I'll find out on the wedding night), a woman's body can't take too much for too long, regardless of what she's doing. Maybe you two need to slow down a little bit, maybe use separate bedrooms (if you're not already doing that) show her that you trust her.

Your relationship won't last long if you can't trust her....