whats going on?

[stanchain]

What is the purpose of every time she talk to me her saying that she loves me.. but is not in love with me.. I never bring it up.. but it seems like when we have talked she makes sure to bring that up.. .now is she trying to tell me to leave her alone (even though she is the one that calls me) or is she trying to remind herself

[Ladyjane14]

What is the purpose of every time she talk to me her saying that she loves me.. but is not in love with me.. I never bring it up.. but it seems like when we have talked she makes sure to bring that up.. .now is she trying to tell me to leave her alone (even though she is the one that calls me) or is she trying to remind herself

 

 

Old joke...

 

Man goes to his doctor and lifting his arm says... "Doc, it hurts when I do THAT".

 

Doctor says... "Stop doing THAT!"

 

yuk-yuk-yuk :laugh:

 

Stop giving her an opportunity to give you the old "I-love-you-but-I'm-not-in-love-with-you' speech. You can do that best by applying NO CONTACT and moving on with your life.

 

The girl's too young. She's barely legal to drink. It's too soon for her to be getting nailed down to a lifetime committment.

 

So, either lighten up and keep it casual. OR.. let it go. You're just torturing yourself at this point.

[Gunny376]

She's projecting that the problem is "you" when in reality its not ~ its her, and the issue with her is that she's too young, too immature to even be in a relationship ~ period! With you are anyone else.

 

All women are touble,and the simple fact is that most of them are more trouble than they're worth. (The same can be said for men for women). Relationships are easy to get into but can be difficult to maintain, and sometimes hard to get out of.

 

Personally one of my own personal qualifications of "true love" is that she's worth all the trouble and problems that she's going to cause me. And, that my ROI (Return on investment) of time,effort, energy and money is going to be such that she's worth it. I also want to know what the she's bringing to the table? I know what I'm bringing to the party, what is she bringing? If I'm bringing everything to the party ~ and all she's bringing is herself? WTF?

 

So at the end of the day, when the Sun is going down, you've got to ask yourself? What am I getting out of this? What in this for me? What is my ROI for my investment of time, effort, energy, and money? What is the ROI for my emotional investment? What's this girl got that I can't find just as much of if not more, just as good as if not better in someone else? What's she got, that the other 3.6 billioo other women on the planet doesn't have? What's a 17 year old kid got to offer her that I don't? A PS2?

 

Do yourself a favor ~ go find yourself a woman and leave the little girls alone! Once you've found yourself a self actualized, self matured, strong, independent woman you'll be amazed at what you've been missing out on!

[ilmw]

Do yourself a favor ~ go find yourself a woman and leave the little girls alone! Once you've found yourself a self actualized, self matured, strong, independent woman you'll be amazed at what you've been missing out on!

 

and when you find her... work your arse of to keep her... date her till the day you die...

 

A real relationship is hard to find... when you have one... take 100% responsiblity for it... maintain it... like a garden.... nuture it...

 

Cause when you lose it... damn you feel like a knob..

 

Learn now... what you need to do for yourself... get you in order.. get rid of any demons from your past.. get rid of any bagage... get you ducks in a row... so you can have a clean slate...so to speak... so you can invest all of you... not just some of you...

 

Read read read... get edumakated..

 

ilmw

[stanchain]

See everything that you guys are saying... for the most part I understand. I mean I look at the situation. I am 29, she is 21(yeah i know, I know... but there is a story behind it). and he is 17. I look a the difference is it all. I mean I am a professional, intelligent, people say good looking... I mean I think that I have a lot of positives going for me. Now as a couple women I know have said the last couple of weeks... Your ex is crazy, she is too young to appreciate a man like you. And that is something that i am understanding... doesnt make it easy... but I do understand. Cause no woman would leave her man that treats her like a queen. And I do not mean just material goods. I cooked, I massaged, i took damn good care of her. Expecially for a guy that is a damn bus boy at dennys. Most women want to move up in status if anything.. not down. Cause really what could a 17 year old living with mom and dad working part time bring to the table? And I know everybody is saying I must have done something really bad.... and you are right. I did. I have a 6 year old son and I did depend on her to watch him for me while I was at work.. working 10-12 hours a day 6 days a week. But then again that is what allowed her to get 3 brand new cars the last year and a half, go shopping 2-3 times a week, take about 5-6 trips to the casino each month, go out to eat any night of the week she wanted... at any restuarant in town. So maybe I was wrong for asking her to watch my son so I could provide for them (and then come home and cook dinner). That and I did not go over her parents house a lot. I mean I went over there just not a lot. So if you want to know what bothers me.... it bothers me that after all this hard work, after all WE have done to have this relationship... she doesnt respect me enough to just be honest and say she has a man, or whatever. Instead she rather play these games... I love you but i am not in love with you... I dont want or love to die.... I dont want you to close the door on me... i dont think it is over..... So do you guys understand why I am so frustrated?

[stanchain]

Hey yall... I m proud of myself. Today I gave her the phone back. We had a family plan and last week I got a new phone. Well today I decided I was tired of hoping she would come back. Today is one month since she has been gone and as long as she had the number to reach me at I kep thoping she would call and tell me she was missing me and things of that nature. But now she does not even have my number... So did I do good? or should I have kept the lines of torture open hoping she would come back.. because i do love her

[Rooster_DAR]

Hey yall... I m proud of myself. Today I gave her the phone back. We had a family plan and last week I got a new phone. Well today I decided I was tired of hoping she would come back. Today is one month since she has been gone and as long as she had the number to reach me at I kep thoping she would call and tell me she was missing me and things of that nature. But now she does not even have my number... So did I do good? or should I have kept the lines of torture open hoping she would come back.. because i do love her

 

I think you know the answer to this questions. You did good, and that's exactly what I had to do with my EX. I snuffed her out completely, and after 3 months of no contact she came sniffing around again professing I was her true love. Of course, it was all words and not action so I removed her completely this time. I still love my EX as well, but there comes a time when you realize that you have lost yourself somewhere along pining for your ex to come back, and re-connecting with yourself will help you tremendously.

 

Good luck! Keep up the N/C

[stanchain]

Yeah and the funny thing is since then she has called my moms house twice, emailed me once, and even called my job. But I have not gave in even though I wanted too

[Dad_of_3]

Stay strong, but dont turn into a a-hole.

that can be easy to do.

 

You dont need people onthe board to let you know you did good.

You kow it in yourself and the choices you have made. good or bad.

 

But just this once, you did good.

 

Now get out there and get growing.

[stanchain]

Hey dad of 3... Your right I dont need it... but right now it is the people on this board helping me get through this. I know that sounds bad... But it is nice to hear words of encouragment from somebody. My friends are just like get over it... my family is like f--k her she did you wrong. So it is nice to get opinions from non-biased people. Oh and this NC thing is not easy. expecially when she called my job, emailed me and everything. I know it is the right thing to do... but it is SOOOOOOO hard

[stanchain]

well recieving the phone yesterday was a bit of a shock and caught me off gaurd. Well now I know you want me out of your life and I can respect that but u left me hanging without explaining a few things.

 

1. I know u have a new phone and when the bill comes are u giong to help me pay your half?

2. R u going to pay 50 dollars a month until u can transfer the phone to your name or r u going to pay the cancellation fee because u know that i cant afford a $120 phone bill a month?

3. I was wondering if u paid rent for december?

4. Have you started cleaning the apartment yet?

5. do i still need to leave the pg&e on for u and r u going to pay the bill when i get it?

 

I think that is all the questions i have for now if u want to go half on the cancellation fee that is ok but do let me know in advance thank you. hope everything is going ok with u and your job and i want u to know that i am proud of u to go this far with ur work. take care stanchain and please get back to me when u can so i can figure things out with the bills thanks again.

 

How condicending can she be about my job.. I am proud of you... oh yeah ok... suprised? yeah that I stood up for myself... she thought I would sit around and wait forever. That is what suprised her.

[ilmw]

Hey dad of 3... Your right I dont need it... but right now it is the people on this board helping me get through this. I know that sounds bad... But it is nice to hear words of encouragment from somebody. My friends are just like get over it... my family is like f--k her she did you wrong. So it is nice to get opinions from non-biased people. Oh and this NC thing is not easy. expecially when she called my job, emailed me and everything. I know it is the right thing to do... but it is SOOOOOOO hard

 

From my understanding of NC can have verying degrees... NC... no call back... or no contact.. as if you do not contact.. unless they contact you first..... but don't call back straight away....

 

If she is calling you... be cool and don't discuss the relationship unless she brings it up.. be friendly... and fun... not serious.. (morbid)

 

Take care...

 

ilmw

[stanchain]

Well I gave her phone back to her so she has no way of calling me. She has called my mom, to talk to me. And my job, and sent me an email. but I have no real reason to call her. She played me for a fool. I mean what do I need to talk to her about? The bills... well I am leaving all that to her. She doesnt know it yet. But I mean she left me 4 days after I paid her $700 car note. Then I had to turn around and pay rent of $750. and not once did she ask me if she could help pay rent or give me half my money back. So what is so bad about leaving her with a $150 cell phone bill, an early termination fee of $200 and I'll pay the PG&E. other than that... forget it. She still has not been honest wth me and told me she has a boyfriend. even though it is known that she kicks it with him every single day and such.

[stanchain]

Ok she stopped by tonight because I would not return her calls (NC), and we sat and talked for like 2 hours. She finally told me why she really left, me not showing my emotions basically. and she cried talked about how she missed what we had and how she is afraid that I would not give her another chance and things of that nature. Of course she heard that I was dating and that bothered her. She couldnt see how I could move on. told me that her heart mind and soul still belong to me. And then boom we kissed a few times and she went home. Was that all a show because she thought I was seeing somebody else? or or or what should I believe. Action speaks louder than words.. and her actions say she still cares... I think. what about you. Kinda like you said about the 2 by 4 gunny

[Dad_of_3]

Ok she stopped by tonight because I would not return her calls (NC), and we sat and talked for like 2 hours. She finally told me why she really left, me not showing my emotions basically. and she cried talked about how she missed what we had and how she is afraid that I would not give her another chance and things of that nature. Of course she heard that I was dating and that bothered her. She couldnt see how I could move on. told me that her heart mind and soul still belong to me. And then boom we kissed a few times and she went home. Was that all a show because she thought I was seeing somebody else? or or or what should I believe. Action speaks louder than words.. and her actions say she still cares... I think. what about you. Kinda like you said about the 2 by 4 gunny

 

I'm sorry to say this ... but in my opinion and its only my opinion.

She just put you back into her pocket.

For me, its affirmation that you are still hanging on waiting for her and are still into her.

Its all talk at the moment, this is both good and bad.

Was all that was said about was YOU not showing emotion ?

Hmmm some tough questions to add to that ... where's her ownership of why things happened the way they did?

What has she been doing to make things better ?

 

Yup of course its always going to hurt the other person when they get a wind of things changing. You where hers and now you are out and about and not being miserable, people tend to notice.

I wouldnt suggest going out and dating till you sort things out in your own head.

Its not fair on you or your new potential partner.

I'm not saying dont go out for dinner and chatting.

Just dont get into a frame of mind where its easy to fall into a new relationship to replace the old.

Old demonss like to come back to haunt you and that they will. You had best find the best way to counter them.

 

In situations like that, it is easy to slip into the whole, yeah we where partners and you do still care for her. But you need to stay firm. not fall into that trap. Yes, it may be true she still cares, but let time and proof show it to you.

 

You've put it in a nutshell, actions speak louder than words.

the hardest thing about it, is it takes time to really see if it comes true.

 

You need to take a step back from all this again. From what i see you are immersed in it, the kissing and what not.

I know all you want to do is for the hurt and pain in your heart to stop and the easiest way for that to happen is to let some belief in that she still wants you.

Get some time to yourself, and i mean time. Get your head working for you. You know how you want to be treated, you know how much your worth. Its time to find out where you stand in these things.

 

As for her seeing you on Saturday, I would say keep it public. Keep it in the open where you can 'talk' and I mean talk as in both hearing and getting a plan on how things are going to be.

A 2 hr talk is a drop in the ocean of a lifetime together.

Be polite and firm and stick to your ideals. You know whats fair on you.

If she's real about this chance to get back together, well honey that guy 'friend' of hers has got to go.

There is no hope of reconciliation if there is still a third party.

Just dont let the emotion get the best of you !

Keep it level and keep it civil.

If you feel like it is going to crap, or yourself buckling, whatever the case maybe. Apologise for calling it a night and walk away. get your bearings.

You are better of taking the time to find out in yourself than blurting it all out in a rush.

 

Stay strong, stay firm and stay real.

 

I'll part with you a quote that a really awesome influence on here got me to finally learn. I live by this quote each and everyday. take the time to think it through

 

"I CANNOT CHANGE THE DIRECTION OF THE WIND BUT I CAN ADJUST MY SAILS?".

(Thanks always FlyingHigh)

 

One last thing, its been the best advice since I joined here. Get learning !

To accept your part in things but also to accept that you've got a long way to go in life as well.

Get reading, get growing !!!!

 

There's so much out there to learn and do. My suggestion would be

"Dont Sweat the Small Stuff" - By Richard Carlson

The 5 Love languages.

I'm currently reading Divorcebusting. I'm in the first chapter and its a tough read thats for sure.

 

In any case, visit back anytime, keep us posted.

[Mz. Pixie]

All women are touble,and the simple fact is that most of them are more trouble than they're worth. (The same can be said for men for women). Relationships are easy to get into but can be difficult to maintain, and sometimes hard to get out of.

 

Personally one of my own personal qualifications of "true love" is that she's worth all the trouble and problems that she's going to cause me. And, that my ROI (Return on investment) of time,effort, energy and money is going to be such that she's worth it. I also want to know what the she's bringing to the table? I know what I'm bringing to the party, what is she bringing? If I'm bringing everything to the party ~ and all she's bringing is herself? WTF?

 

 

Hey, I take offense to the all women are trouble comment!

 

How is she going to pay this $700.00 car note now I wonder?? Because you know you are responsible for the payment if she doesn't right??? If you name is on it you are.

 

I agree with Dad. She came over, threw a few little kisses on you, to put you back in her pocket.

 

And by the way, OP, you have no business dating until you've finished the emotional business of this relationship. Not good for you.

[Gunny376]

Well Mz P. the reverse is true for women! For women, all men are trouble, the key to wheather their a "keeper" or not is "their worth all the trouble, worry, and problems they're going to cause you?

[stanchain]

So time... does that mean I dont talk to her. See my problem is I am an all or nothing type of person. I mean she is saying all the right things. But she is still kicking it with this friend. So she'll call me throughout the day. And then hear nothing at night. then starting the next day she'll call again. To me that tells me there is more to it than just a friendship, no matter what she tells me. I want to basically give her an ultimatum... but I know that wont work. And I think that is one of the resaon that I want to do it. Cause I know she will says she cant do it..and walk away. then a the other part of me says to just use NC, and hope she comes back... oh by the way yeah she took some ownership for the things that went wrong. Really I am lost because of the way I feel about her... and she knows it. But everytime that I talk to her it makes me feel worse because she is keeping me on a string... and lately I just want to cut the string so I can move on with my life. So do I tell her it is either she cut out the third party if she wants to work on this. Or do I tell her that when she is ready she should call me not until then?