Dark Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Now that I look back at it, I was so stupid to believe that I could seperate the feelings of love from sex. It's just not the way my mind works, but it had been such a long time since I had been with anyone and I thought I could just "not care" about her. I'm not a bad looking guy, and I know this because the girl slept with me and it had nothing to do with my personality. (Of course, I found this out after I had asked about it.) People are always telling me that I'm "hot" and such, but I have a problem seeing it in myself. Most of the time I'm depressed and feel totally worthless. I'm not as active as most people and I was a fool to think that I could do anything with that girl. She's more of a party girl and has tons of friends, while I'm more of...the kind that just wants to hang out and spend time with the people I love. I mean, I go out, but I'm a shy guy and I don't meet many people. Which leaves me with no one. I consider myself one of the nicest guys around, I'm always conscious of other people's feelings and do my best not to hurt them because I know how it feels. So, I have friends, but they're 200 miles away. I have no friends in my city and I don't know how to meet any girls or people for that matter! I feel totally alone. Here's the story with the girl: I was friends with her for about a year and then this year, at the end of September, I kissed her on the cheek while we were watching a movie. It was sort of random but she smiled and snuggled in close to me. Since my break up with my girlfriend of 3 years the year before, I had never felt that comforted with anyone. So, that led to us having sex for the next 2 months. During this time, she kept saying that she had no heart and that I should stay away, but I didn't listen. She was really beautiful and I really enjoyed hanging out with her. She was such an honest and wonderful person, though she always said that I'd be better off without her. So, at her 21st birthday party (I'm 19) her ex decided to show up, one that she's been trying to get over for the past year. The whole last year she kept trying to get back with him but he'd have nothing to do with her. He'd even tell her directly NOT to visit him when she asked. He would ignore her and be over all the other girls. (mind you, he also lives 200 miles away). He'd make her cry all of the time and ignore her when she did. All I could think during those times is how she should be treated better...So, she goes to visit him for Thanksgiving and says that we can't have sex anymore, but we could still cuddle. I was fine with that, sex wasn't my concern. I just wanted to be close to her and just holding her in my arms would be enough...well right when she gets back she says that she's still in love with him and that he's in love with her. She used to talk to me everyday and now she barely talks to me at all. And now she doesn't want to cuddle either. So...she pulls the "oh you deserve better." card and completely throws me out at the chance of getting back with her ex. So technically we were never going out, but now I'm madly in love with her. I've grown too attached and she wasn't attached in the least. I feel so stupid and unwanted. My ex from before left me for another guy and now she is too. How can I not feel like I'm inadequate? Am I too caring? It seems like I won't find anyone else (yeah I know it sounds cliche) or if I do, it'll just end up the same way. I'm a really caring guy and I just don't understand why all of these people who treat others badly get to have what they want. I see it all of the time up here in my college town. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm severely depressed and I barely function at school, though my exams are the only thing left and I think I can get by. The holidays are such a gloomy time for me, because this is the time when I was cheated on (by another girl), broken up (by that same girl), and then now this girl is throwing me out with the trash. Any help in getting over this girl would help. I can't stop thinking about her and it just really hurts because she has NO feelings for me. I know that it was a mutual agreement for sex with no feelings attached, but it's not like thats wall we did. We would stay in bed ALL DAY and just talk to each other. I spilled my guts to her. And it's just getting harder and harder to trust people. I seem to open up to people who don't care about me and it just hurts. Real bad.
amaysngrace Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I'm probably going to get ripped to shreds with this advice, but it works. So screw it... You have one of two choices here. One would be to cut off all contact with her immediately. Never call her again. Return any items you have of hers. No note, no nothing. Just leave it on her doorknob. Block her calls. Or...you can adopt the thinking of a f*ck buddy, which you should have done from day one. She's disrespected you and now you need to do the same, if you want this to work. You need to view her as the chick you f*ck, no more no less. Use her to masturbate. Make sure you get yourself off. Be with her if you want, but if you have other plans so be it. You've been too nice and she's got the upperhand. Stop thinking of her than more than what she is, which is basically a whore. If you feel that you want to be whorish too with her, go for it. But see the situation for what it really is. She's not relationship material. Stop trying to make it work. It's a waste of energy. Put that energy into something that can work. You screwing her. Can you handle it?
MOMMIE Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 so is it possible for a man to have sex with the same woman over a long period of time, and never allow himself to "feel" for her??
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