i'm falling for my ex's best mate

[allybubs]

bare with me and get ready for the drama:

 

i thought my ex was the one. he was the love of my life, my prince charming, our whole relationship was a fairytale, until we hit the 18 month point... everything started to go stale, i started looking at other guys, he stopped being such a prince charming, we were taking each other for granted and i had massive doubts. He was due to sit his final year uni exams in june, and at the beginning of march i realised i couldnt carry on till then, so i ended it, saying that maybe we should try being apart and missing each other, to put the spark back again. we got together again in july and moved in together right away... it seemed like a good idea at the time. i was in london, him in bournemouth, we both worked shifts, we'd never have seen each other if we hadn't. so i made a huge decision and moved to bournemouth with him.

for the first month everything was great, it was what i thought i'd always wanted, but it wasnt long before things started to go stale again, and the main factor was that our flat was in the same block as his best mate. he'd be up there with him a lot, or he'd invite him down for cups of tea, or to have dinner, or to get drunk... at first i resented him, thought he was coming between us, but then i started to see him in a different light. he wasnt that bad, in fact he was actually really sweet to me. he'd always ask me if i was ok, he'd invite me out with the lads, he even started coming down for cups of tea when my boyfriend was at work.

then the things he said started to maybe mean something else... at first i thought it was just my mind, wanting it to mean more, but it became quite clear when we went out together one night, just the two of us... i told him about my troubles with my boyfriend, and he was the shoulder to cry on. everything i said i wanted in a boyfriend he said he was... we went to a club and soon we were dancing together getting really close... too close really... it would have felt like the most naural thing in the world for us to kiss, but i didnt want to risk missinterpreting him, and ruining everything...

that night i text my friend, telling her everything. how i felt about him, what we'd got up to in the club, how i thought he felt about me... i was in pieces. but the next morning i went to work and forgot my phone, my boyfriend read all the messages and confronted me at work.

strangely enough he forgave me, said he still loved me, and that if it was just a stupid crush that we could work through it. but my face told him that it wasnt. that i really did like his mate. it destroyed him completely, i was his world and i'd just taken everything from him... we decided to keep living together till the end of our contract as mates, we're doing pretty well, he's coping well, and i think hes coming round to the idea that we'll only ever be friends, but all i can think about is his friend. it tears me apart to think that he's living upstairs and i cant even tell him how i feel. i want to know so much if he feels the same, but how can i find out without crucifying my ex again, and potentially ruining our friendship, their friendship, my relationship with my ex AND tearing apart their whole group of friends? the thing is, i now think he's the one. we have so much more in common than me and my ex ever did, and i think i'm slowly falling in love with him... help!