Guest Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Recently I was dating a woman Who is 44, single, and never married. Friends have told me this is a "red flag" that she perhaps has some issues, especially since she is very attractive. She also has no contact with anyone in her family. I liked how she looked, and liked many things about her. I did not like that she seemed to be solely interested in things pertaining to herself. Every conversation was about her.. When it was my time to speak, she just seemed disinterested, cut me off, changed the topic back to herself etc. I thought this might change but it never did. She even just recently broke up with me stating she didnt like how I treat her. At times i would get irritated with her. But we never had a talk. Out of nowhere she simply stated "I dont think we are a match, sorry" I suppose right now I am hurt by her ease of exit from the relationship. We saw each other about 4 or 5 times a week, and it wasnt all bad. My question is do any of you think that her actions are that of a woman is is 44 and never married, who also has no family contact. Are those future red flags to avoid? Perhaps she has not much ability at this point to give love, or be open to it, so she looked for any minor things to run? Link to post Share on other sites
quietintrovertgirl Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Women who are over 35 and never been married are looking for mr right.It's not easy finding good men. Link to post Share on other sites
silentalways Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 hey, u are missing a big point that u mentioned... u once had great communication, u both just hit a slump - it happens - just grab his bat and get back in the game - wink Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I would like to know, guest, what is your story? Are you single? Divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 You saw each other 4 or 5 times a week? Don't you think that's a little excessive for someone you have been dating only "recently"? That you would want that is as much of a red flag as her self-centeredness. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I would think that it can be possible to be 44 and not married and not fit the stereotypical category of having issues. Rare but possible.. It may have been that she was a commitment phobe most of her life and now in her 40's she is ready for marriage.. She very might well be the catch of a lifetime Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I did not like that she seemed to be solely interested in things pertaining to herself. Every conversation was about her.. When it was my time to speak, she just seemed disinterested, cut me off, changed the topic back to herself etc. Sounds like you're missing out. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 She could be a wonderful catch. It's kinda strange that she doesn't want to talk too much about YOU, though. Do you think she might be self-centered? Maybe that's why she hasn't gotten married yet? For many women, marriage and family can be a sacrifice of time and lifestyle. Not all women over the age of 40 want to get married. In fact, most women I know who are that age are pretty much over the whole idea of marriage and kids. A lot of them just want to have fun with men, especially younger ones! Anyway, it doesn't sound like you got to know her very well, besides the one-sided conversations. She's probably not a good match for YOU just based on that. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I don't think that being unmarried at 44 is, in of itself, a red flag. However, coupled with the fact that she has broken all ties with her family indicates one of two things. Either her family was extremely disfunctional and she had to for her own health, or she has no problems cutting off emotional ties. She sounds pretty selfish. I would have to go with the theory that she easily disassociates herself from people and that's not really ideal for a relationship as she may never be able to really get attached. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Maybe it just isn't a good match for the two of you... or you should sit down and talk about what you are both looking for in a relationship and what you need from eachother. Take it slow though.... You see eachother an awfull lot what about the excitment of the next date or outing.... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Wow! Does her name begin with a "J"? I'm serious. You described my sister exactly. Right age and everything. Yes, in my experience this IS a red flag. Not always but usually, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
che_jesse Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Some people don't want to be married, thats one thing, or they decide later in life that they change there minds ok. But I think that if someone, from there teen years and then on has wanted a family, has been actively seeking a partner, and has never been able to find anyone that shows you that there is something there you might want to be weary of. Its one thing to have been married and divorced because something happened, but to never have given anyone a chance... it just screams of red flags to me. In my opinion when people say things like "good men / women are hard to find" as an excuse for why they are still single later in life its total bs. They don't open themselves up or they look for reasons to end relationships. In my experience love finds you if you let it. People make things to hard for themselves to many times in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Recently I was dating a woman Who is 44, single, and never married. Friends have told me this is a "red flag" that she perhaps has some issues, especially since she is very attractive. She also has no contact with anyone in her family. I liked how she looked, and liked many things about her. I did not like that she seemed to be solely interested in things pertaining to herself. Every conversation was about her.. When it was my time to speak, she just seemed disinterested, cut me off, changed the topic back to herself etc. I thought this might change but it never did. She even just recently broke up with me stating she didnt like how I treat her. At times i would get irritated with her. But we never had a talk. Out of nowhere she simply stated "I dont think we are a match, sorry" I suppose right now I am hurt by her ease of exit from the relationship. We saw each other about 4 or 5 times a week, and it wasnt all bad. My question is do any of you think that her actions are that of a woman is is 44 and never married, who also has no family contact. Are those future red flags to avoid? Perhaps she has not much ability at this point to give love, or be open to it, so she looked for any minor things to run? From your description of her and the date, it sounds like she has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). You can Google that term for more information. You might be astounded at the features of this disorder...and MANY people have this. A person who is ONLY for themselves needs some spineless idiot with no self esteem to give up his entire life to please her every whim...and, even then, she won't be happy. Women with NPD are never satisfied, unstable and could care less about anybody unless there is something in it for them. When the benefits dry up, they are off to a new (what is called) narcissistic supply. People with NPD are totally devoid of empathy. It's not their fault, it's just not wired into their brain. They are unable to identify with other people...their pain....their problems. Marriage to a person with NPD is a life of hell. This was an easy one. You might want to read up on NPD and then see her a few more times just to be amazed and entertained. They are always too much. No matter how much you do for them, it's not enough. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 From your description of her and the date, it sounds like she has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). . Yes I would agree... Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I don't know, I don't get the feeling the girl was a narcissist. I dated one and you rarely get out of the relationship without major damage and a big roller coaster ride. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I don't know, I don't get the feeling the girl was a narcissist. I dated one and you rarely get out of the relationship without major damage and a big roller coaster ride. I was married to one for 25 years and you're right about the damage. Something best left in the rear-view mirror. Link to post Share on other sites
che_jesse Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I mean this question in all seriousness: How does one date or even yet be married to a narcissist for 25 years? Dont you see that something is really really wrong with them within the first few weeks of dateing? Why enter into a relationship with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 How does one date or even yet be married to a narcissist for 25 years? QUOTE] Young and dumb at the time of the marriage. Probably more in lust than in love. Thereafter, stubborness, loyalty, vows, children, you name it. As with any mental disorder there are degrees and sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. Once I was away from her the pieces all started falling into place. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I don't think that being unmarried at 44 is, in of itself, a red flag. However, coupled with the fact that she has broken all ties with her family indicates one of two things. Either her family was extremely disfunctional and she had to for her own health, or she has no problems cutting off emotional ties. She sounds pretty selfish. I would have to go with the theory that she easily disassociates herself from people and that's not really ideal for a relationship as she may never be able to really get attached. I completely agree with this. Also, if she doesn't have any or many friends, one more red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 My wife married for the first time at 41 when she married me so that is not an issue. There are many reasons why she would be unmarried at that age. However the self centered attitude and the fact that she does not have many friends at all is a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I mean this question in all seriousness: How does one date or even yet be married to a narcissist for 25 years? Dont you see that something is really really wrong with them within the first few weeks of dateing? Why enter into a relationship with them? NPD is something that often evolves over time and the behavior traits become more pronounced. This lady he dated showed incredible signs right off the bat but, remember, she's 44 years old and has had time to get there. Men who are enamored with the beauty and charm of a narcissist who is trying to find somebody to leach on usually don't have a clue as to what's happening because they are thinking with their dick and not their brain. Some men take 25 years for the message to get from their genitals to their brain. You can live with a narcissist for years and just think you're with a selfish person and that's part of their personality and you just put up with it. It's a life of hell that almost any man can get sucked into if he's unaware. This guy has some major hints...but he still has to come to an Internet message board for advice. Sometimes it takes a lot of time, a lot of emotional bruises and a lot of other people's opinions before somebody will see another for who they really are. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Women who are over 35 and never been married are looking for mr right.It's not easy finding good men. Ummm....not necessarily. I am 40 and just ended a long relationship (we never married) and am quite happily single, dating and concentrating on my work. Mr Right? How how Mr Right Now? There are some lovely men out there who like doing social stuff without the pressures of 'where is this going?' and 'where do you see us in five years?' I for one, am enjoying it! Don't peg all of us over-30-somethings with the Desperation label, PLEASE! I am an attractive, well-educated, financially stable and basically happy female who just happens to not quite follow the mainstream way of doing things! And OP, if the woman you met isn't your match, she just isn't your match. Try not to read too much into it.... Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Curmudgeon, I hope the experience didn't change make you jaded. There are a lot of great women out there waiting for a loyal guy like you. Link to post Share on other sites
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