volk1975 Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I’ve been on the typical roller coaster with this girl for 12 years. After the last horrible break-up, when I went to finish my masters, I caught her with sleeping with the neighbor. That was 3 years ago. After I finished school and moved home, she would try to get a hold of me all the time. I ignored her until 4 months ago. One night I ran into her and we total connected it felt great. (I really did miss her).[ Here’s the caught the neighbor turned into her live-in boyfriend. He was supposed to move out the day we hooked up. I didn’t know this until the next day. She called the police on him because he threatened her life along with mine. Recently she told me that she needed space to workout her issues and she didn’t want me to be so close (i.e. Boyfriend). Now that I think about it she has been telling me this for a while but I was not listening and pushing to be with her. (I didn’t move after our break-up). She wants me to be her friend but I can’t. Last time I agreed to be her friend because she needed time alone. She was lying to me and sleeping with the neighbor. So I really don’t trust her and I hate myself for it. I know she needs time but I can’t be around her and not want her. So I told her to figure-out her stuff but I’m not going to put myself through “Loving her” but just being friends… So am I being a selfish jerk? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [FONT=Times New Roman] I’ve been on the typical roller coaster with this girl for 12 years. After the last horrible break-up, when I went to finish my masters, I caught her with sleeping with the neighbor. That was 3 years ago. After I finished school and moved home, she would try to get a hold of me all the time. I ignored her until 4 months ago. One night I ran into her and we total connected it felt great. (I really did miss her).[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman] Here’s the caught the neighbor turned into her live-in boyfriend. He was supposed to move out the day we hooked up. I didn’t know this until the next day. She called the police on him because he threatened her life along with mine. Recently she told me that she needed space to workout her issues and she didn’t want me to be so close (i.e. Boyfriend). Now that I think about it she has been telling me this for a while but I was not listening and pushing to be with her. (I didn’t move after our break-up). [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]She wants me to be her friend but I can’t. Last time I agreed to be her friend because she needed time alone. She was lying to me and sleeping with the neighbor. So I really don’t trust her and I hate myself for it. I know she needs time but I can’t be around her and not want her. So I told her to figure-out her stuff but I’m not going to put myself through “Loving her” but just being friends… [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]So am I being a selfish jerk?[/FONT] Not at all. Most people can't handle being just friends with the ex, myself included. If being friends is going to stress you out, then don't do it. You are not obligated to be her friend. BTW, welcome to LS. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 uh, no. Your ex cheated on you with another guy, moved in with him for 3 years and wants to string you along until she's ready for another relationship and you think your'e being selfish? Hell, I say you should be selfish in this situation. She's going to rack you over the coals again otherwise. With unstable people like that you need to take care of yourself. I hope you really think about whether or not this girl is what your'e looking for because I think your'e in for more heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbalump Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 No, your not being selfish, your doing whats best for you. Congrats Link to post Share on other sites
Madeamistake Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Run away! Look, she knows that you are the ideal guy for her, but a part of her still wants to be with other people! She needs to sort herself out. You just need to be you and find another to connect with, and my advice would be to cut off all contact. If you dont, there will always be an energy that will keep you from moving on! Remember, emotions are complex! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 You owe her nothing. In this situation, look out for yourself first. She doesn't deserve your friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted December 12, 2006 Share Posted December 12, 2006 So am I being a selfish jerk? No. Quite the contrary. You're being a "nice guy." Link to post Share on other sites
Author volk1975 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Share Posted December 13, 2006 Thanks for the support. It seems that my ex and me are both stuck in an impassable situation. You guys are totally right about moving on and cutting contact. My close friends say the same thing. Now I wish that I didn’t have to meet her to get my stuff back. I was so fine with just getting it myself. I can understand if she doesn’t want me to be in the house. But she knows that I’d never do anything.(Last time I fixed her furnace). I guess I’m venting because I do not want to have contact with her (I’ve made up my mind) after all what is there to talk about?? Thanks again for the insight ….this Love Shack rocks… Link to post Share on other sites
Author volk1975 Posted January 18, 2007 Author Share Posted January 18, 2007 I'd just thought I'd post hopefully one last time on this subject. I'm glad I'd listen to your post. It turns out that she was seeing the old neighbor turned into her live-in boyfriend. I can't belive that after she's been to court charging this guy with abuse. She's went back to him... It's sad that someone can act like that...even sad that I trusted her again... Well I will not make the same mistake again....and my next post hopefully will be something postive.... Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 So am I being a selfish jerk? No..on the contrary, SHE is the selfish one here. She can't make up her mind and lies to you...not to mention your last breakup with her is because you caught her cheating. And cheating is the ultimate form of selfishness. So move on, you don't need a lying cheater that can't make up her mind who she wants to bone her. Link to post Share on other sites
Appje Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 No, not selfish at all. She doesn't even deserve to get attention. First she cheated on you, meaning she never (or maybe a little) loved you. And now she had this problem with your neighbor and suddenly she want your help. wth is this. I would tell that b**** to f**** off. Sry I will do it if I were you Link to post Share on other sites
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