goodandevil Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Hello All! Ok so here is something I never thought I'd be in the midst of. I'm almost 29yrs. old, and just moved to NYC from Los Angeles. I was out one night and met a guy. (I can't tell you how much I WAS NOT looking). A conversation sparked, we found ourselves talking for hours over food. Then at his hotel room just cuddling and chatting. He was in NYC for a business thing. He blew off his speaking engagement, and work for the next 4 days. I found myself doing the same. It was kissing, hand holding, horse rides through central park, pictures in Rockefeller center, ice skating???? wow guys, it was way too much for me. But we found ourselves drawn to the point, that we would sit and talk and kiss and have no idea who was around us. We finally had sex 2 days after we met. wow..too soon I know. But It was just great. I asked him right after we met if he had a girlfriend. (It is something I always ask). He said, he was seeing someone-but it wasn't serious yet. I asked him, if she is cool with him seeing others, if not-I need to say goodbye. He said it was fine. The day he had to leave and fly back to L.A. was hard. we woke up, and I had a feeling to ask more questions. I asked him if he was married. He paused, and I rolled my eyes (am tired of attracting unavailable men) I was thinking oh boy, here we go. Then he finally answered me with a "no". I told him-he wasn't good at the lying thing. He finally said yes. And he was married for 4 years, and unhappy. We got into a cab, and he grabbed my face and said, I met you and fell in love with you in 3 days. His eyes got watery, and he got out of the cab. I felt all the feelings like hard of breath, and dizzy. He called me when he got home. Then since then. It has been phone calls 5 times per day, emails, and alot of crying on my part. I have been searching myself to figure why I attracted this energy to myself. I believe we have the power to draw to ourselves what we need. He left on a Saturday-and I was wondering around NYC like a zombie. I decided to come to L.A. and get closure and see him face to face. We are in very deep at this point, and I don't know what to do next. I send him messages after we see each other and say: I can't do this, but he draws me back in. All I want for Christmas, is for this to go away or be the love I think it can be.... from, homewrecker Link to post Share on other sites
oyster Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I say view it as a fling for now. Turn the page, try to find happiness over the holidays. Don't expect him to leave his wife after a short encounter like this. Seriously, how frequent can you expect to see him again? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Ok, number one, how are you the homewrecker? He is the one with the home and he is the one who is wrecking it... Maybe you made some not so good choices here, but look at the bigger picture...Where do you think this is going? It doesn't sound as if too much time is invested here (I could be wrong) so I think you should just chalk it up as an experience to not repeat and go on with your life... As for the power to draw to ourselves what we need: I don't buy that...I think that people are attracted to other people, period...No one knows why or how, it just happens...We can either decide to act on it or not... Also, I am curious when you first met him not knowing that he was married, what were your expectations? Did you think that it would turn into a R? I hope you don't take what I am saying the wrong way, but I am with a MM whom I dated thinking he was single for over a year...and it is not an easy road...if you think it is hard now, just wait...plus, your MM sounds like he was presented with the opportunity to cheat since he was out of town and is saying all the things that guys say to string a woman along...I don't know many guys who would say that they fell in love with a woman in three days... It's your choice, but I just see alot of red flags here... Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Hmm... well, you asked him if he had a g/f and he said NO... and didn't offer more information? Then you have to ask him again if he was married... and he still didn't want to tell you..? Why..? Does he think you're not worth the truth..? Waste of time. I mean, I can understand lying (by omission) to someone you're out of love with... and think it's over... but beginning a relationship by lying to someone? err... no. I know others don't make this same distinction, but I do. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 (am tired of attracting unavailable men) I have been searching myself to figure why I attracted this energy to myself. That's an excellent question to ask if all you're attracting is unavailable men. This statement of yours (I can't tell you how much I WAS NOT looking) makes me think you are not ready for an available man even if think that's what you want? Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I think the distance alone could kill even the most remote chance of this working out. It would be hypocritical for me to say, "Hey, he's married and you shouldn't be with him" considered that I'm seeing a MW. (Although truth be told, you were lied to... shocker there!) I will say this though. As opposed to a lot of us here, the pain of ending this affair will be a lot less compared to those of us on here who've been involved with our MM/MWs for some time. You just met this man not too long ago (I think). A friend once told me that the amount of time it takes to get over someone is the time you were with that person divided by two. Sounds silly, but I think that's about right on for the 3 serious relationships I've been in in my life. So if you've only been with this guy for say a month, after 2 weeks of crying and heartache, you should be back to normal. Link to post Share on other sites
oyster Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 A friend once told me that the amount of time it takes to get over someone is the time you were with that person divided by two. Sounds silly, but I think that's about right on for the 3 serious relationships I've been in in my life. So if you've only been with this guy for say a month, after 2 weeks of crying and heartache, you should be back to normal. yikes, I will keep that equation in mind Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Please tell me that equation is wrong!!! You mean i'm in for 7 months of heartache if we break up today? OMG, i'm in for one hell of a ride. If that's the case, i might as well continue on the way i've been!!! Goodandevil, you are not a homewrecker. You didn't know that he was M, so it's not your fault. But you do need to walk away from this guy ASAP. If you read most of our stories, you're in for a world of hurt. Chalk this one up to experience and do this for you. You don't want to go through all the pain that many of us have gone through. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I agree as well you're not a homewrecker he lied to you. Should you decide to pursue this infatuation, then I would say that stigma would apply. Link to post Share on other sites
ratingsguy Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Please tell me that equation is wrong!!! You mean i'm in for 7 months of heartache if we break up today? OMG, i'm in for one hell of a ride. If that's the case, i might as well continue on the way i've been!!! I think that formula isn't just getting over the person, but also getting to the point where a day can go by without you thinking of him or her. In other words, the point where you have officially moved on. That's why goodandevil can get out now! You one of the lucky ones! Your grieving process will be a lot shorter than those of us here. Link to post Share on other sites
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