Lucas Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Okay, I'm going to try and keep this short. I'm 20 and the woman I am referring to is 27 (I'm still in college and she is trying to progress with her career). I became friends around 2 years ago. I had met her once or twice (friend of a friend) sporadically in the two years previous to that. We made small-talk, exchanged pleasantries, etc. But over the last 2 years we've really gotten to know each other and have become good friends. I see her or talk her almost every day. In the two years I've known her well, I've been in and out of other relationships and all that. So in all this time I've known her, I've never even thought of dating her. At all. There's no real physical attraction either. We're like buddies. But these past few months I've been thinking about her a lot and how in another time and place we would be perfect companions for each other. We're very much alike... and we always have a ton of fun together and share a lot of laughs. She's an incredible person and has the most amazing personality. She has asked me if I'm seeing someone, but I'm not sure if that was just out of general curiosity or not. We don't really flirt and even when she does make a flirtatious comment, I usually play dumb, ignore it, change the subject or just treat it as a joke. Sometimes we joke about getting married and traveling the world together and stuff -but I always make sure that it doesn't sound like I'm implying anything (like the fact that I'm interested in her). I tell myself that I do that because I don't want to encourage her. And I tell myself that despite the fact that I think I have developed some very strong feelings for her that are not due to superficial things like looks. Now you're gonna wonder why this is such a problem and why I can't just tell her how I feel or something. Because thrown into this all are issues of race and religion. She comes from a very traditional, middle-eastern family and her parents would be horrified if she dated someone outside of her race & religion -someone younger than her too (if she dated at all, actually). Let me emphasize here that the consequences would be quite severe for her. And I don't want to put her through that. The reason I resist forming a relationship with her because of the impossibility of it all... and all the problems it would lead to. So horrible as it sounds, I've been trying to discourage her from taking any interest in me (beyond just friendship) while pretending to take interest in other women so she doesn't think I'm interested in her. For the past few months I've hoped that this would just help this situation blow over and that my feelings for her would just disappear, but unfortunately they haven't. I feel worse and worse with every day I keep this secret. And what if I do, only to find out that I have interpreted everything incorrectly and she really isn't interested in me? To make matters worse, her family is currently looking for a husband for her (someone of good-standing for a wealthy middle-eastern family -all of which I am not). She has had a few proposals already and every time I hear about a new potential husband, it makes me feel sick. I'm afraid that by the time I work out the pros and cons and all of telling her how I feel, it will be too late. Should I tell her or should I just suck it up and bear it for her sake? Link to post Share on other sites
Bella36 Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 this is what i think... I think that you have to tell her how you feel, before its too late, If she accepts a propsal, then it would be too late to tell her and it wouldn't be fair to her, to tell her that after she is going to get married. I think that if you don't tell her how you feel now, then 10-20 maybe even 5 years down the road, you will always wonder what could of happen between you too. And you will be kicking yourself for it. And then it will be definitly too late then. About the race/religion issue. i dont really know how to go about that, but again if you tell her how you feel maybe she could have some input about how her family would feel. I hope i could help alittle? Goodluck and remember if you really care about this women, then you need to tell her. -Bella Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 this is what i think... I think that you have to tell her how you feel, before its too late, If she accepts a propsal, then it would be too late to tell her and it wouldn't be fair to her, to tell her that after she is going to get married. I think that if you don't tell her how you feel now, then 10-20 maybe even 5 years down the road, you will always wonder what could of happen between you too. And you will be kicking yourself for it. And then it will be definitly too late then. About the race/religion issue. i dont really know how to go about that, but again if you tell her how you feel maybe she could have some input about how her family would feel. I hope i could help alittle? Goodluck and remember if you really care about this women, then you need to tell her. -Bella Everything is possible u know. My husband and I have been dating another woman since 2003 and we love each other very much. We have our own homes to go so no one knows that Im a bisexual, but we all share in each others lives. I know what you must be thinking we are those hippy veggie type people right.........wrong we a beautiful people who want to share our love with another. It works best in relationships that have lots and lots of trust and open communication. I mean look at all the married men and women on this site and others that are out there looking for more than what they have already...for whatever the reason is. Most of these people are doing it without their spouses knowledge and I would think is certainly is more hurtful than having it out in the open where it can be talked about, discussed, shared and even make things more exciting. Let's face it, life can get boring whether your married or single so why not kick it up a notch and add some spice....together is far better than seperate. It's almost impossible for one person to give everything another person needs. This isn't a bad thing, this is why we have friends and family...why can't a lover be added to that mix? If something worked for everyone then there would not be these posts at all....nor would there be divorice, fights, communication or differences.... Embrace what works for you, explore options for things that aren't, and most importantly...communicate your wants and needs!! Sara Link to post Share on other sites
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