stillhere Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Since it seems that we have a night off from all the drama, lets try having some fun. OW/OM lets try this again. Bonehead tried a few times, but it always got deleted. I thought this one was cute!! I'm so #4!!! Snappy Answer #1 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your boarding pass, not your stub." Snappy Answer #2 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Snappy Answer #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Snappy Answer #4 A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,"I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST. The agent replied, I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly through the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without flinching she smiled and said, "I'm sorry,sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too." And the VERY BEST snappy answer: Snappy Answer #5 THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR: A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles empathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand. " Link to post Share on other sites
peacelove Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Good one. Who else is on here besides you & I? I just got my pc up & running & it's a little slow. Seems like LS is slow also on the weekends. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Teachers are SO WITTY! (But I'm not biased or anything)... Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 That was cute. Im here for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
peacelove Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Go out and have a good time yousaveme. You deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhere Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 This one may get a few responses!!!!!!!!! Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, Spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and The morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son.. what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, And breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when She tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!" Broken furniture - $85.26 Hot Breakfast - $4.20 Red Rose bud -$3.00 Two Aspirins -$.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Hey YSM, where you going? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 That Is Priceless!!! Link to post Share on other sites
peacelove Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Yup. Can't wait to see what a certain someone has to say. Should be interesting! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhere Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 This ones for you GEL!!!!! [FONT=arial,helvetica][FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]The art of teaching[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]According to a news report, a certain school in New Port Richey was[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]had to be done.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. The[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]janitor took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]cleaned the mirror with it.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]THE MORAL OF THIS STORY.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica]There are teachers, and then there are educators.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=2][FONT=arial,helvetica][/sIZE][/FONT][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
peacelove Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Just in case anyone is interested, my bf will be logging in as parker232. Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Hey YSM, where you going? I was thinking about going out. I think im better off not. I might get in some trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhere Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 sorry for all that font crap, tried to edit and it wouldn't let me. Doh!! Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Just in case anyone is interested, my bf will be logging in as parker232. Ask him questions ....PLEASE. This will be very interesting.... Link to post Share on other sites
bonehead Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Funny once you got through al that though Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 I was thinking about going out. I think im better off not. I might get in some trouble. Trouble sounds fun... Link to post Share on other sites
peacelove Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 He's out cold. Just gotta wait til he's out of his coma before he starts yelling on LS. He's gotta watch his language too. Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Trouble sounds fun... Im going to play it safe. I will be a good girl. ( MAYBE ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhere Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life. I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 He's out cold. Just gotta wait til he's out of his coma before he starts yelling on LS. He's gotta watch his language too. Here is a bet. He gets banned within a month.... Link to post Share on other sites
kymberann Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Funny stuff gals. Have a good evening. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 This ones for you GEL!!!!! The art of teaching According to a news report, a certain school in New Port Richey was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. The janitor took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. THE MORAL OF THIS STORY. There are teachers, and then there are educators. I LOVE THIS!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhere Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 I was thinking about going out. I think im better off not. I might get in some trouble. Yeah, i always manage to find trouble when i've tipped a few back. No, wait, TROUBLE FINDS ME!!! Link to post Share on other sites
peacelove Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 He'll be thrown off of LS within an hour. Guaranteed!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillhere Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 This i'm enjoying...........no bickering, no bashing, just good ole fun on a saturday night. Am i pathetic or what? Link to post Share on other sites
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