brunette4u Posted July 1, 2002 Share Posted July 1, 2002 My boyfriend cheated on me. WE were together for almost a year, and in love. We had a great relationship, and even talked about marriage in several years. We were perfect together, and i loved him the moment i first saw and met him. We had been fighting this past week because i was just being bitchy and pmsing, (honestly), and I mistakedly took things out on him. the other night, i would not answer my phone when he called, so he went out with friends. He ended up getting drunk and messing aroudn with another girl. I am shocked at this behavior, as are my friends and his too. This is very unlike him, he loved me, and i loved him. He would do anything for me...yet he cheated on me. I do'nt know what to do. He denied it at first, becuase he did not want me to find out because he knew how much it would hurt me, which is true. he is very apologetic and crying...what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 I say that you both stew in it for a couple months than do what your heart tells you! Give yourself time to think this through before you forgive and forget. It may only make things worse if you do this right away. It could give the impression that your acceptable to this and all he would have to do is cry, apologize and than you would be right back where you started. He had no excuse to fool around with someone else. You didn't tell him you were ending the r/s did you? What exactly made him so angry to jeopardize the r/s he has with you. It only tells me that, that is his character. This may a problem in the future. What if you said something that causes him to get upset in 6 months. Hes going to run the first chick that says "you got a dick, put it here". Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 It sounds like it was a grudge deal to me. You were pissy, you failed to tell him you were pmsing and he just thought you were being a bitch. So when he got drunk, it was real easy for him to get back at you through a sexual experience with another girl and doing so was made easy because he had been drinking heavily. People do it all the time...and it has absolutely nothing to do with the sex act itself...it has all to do with immaturity, childishness and stupidity. I say follow velvet's advice and give yourself some time to think about this. What you really have to consider is how is he going to react every month when you become a bitch for three or four days. The two of you have got to communicate and come to some sort of understanding. I personally would be in favor of forgiving this indiscretion if he has been very good to you this far. However, it will be extremely difficult if not impossible for you to forget. The greatest majority of relationships are destroyed by cheating. You probably won't trust him again or it will take a very long time to restore. But there is hope but it will take one hell of a will to do so on your part, perhaps some counselling, and a lot of talking. It is even possible that the two of you could become closer and more loving than ever. But communication is extremely important and you have got to let him know when you are likely to be crabby to him and why so he understands. He has got to promise not to ever get drunk again without you around. It would be preferable that he never got drunk again under any circumstances. There is no good purpose to getting drunk and losing one's senses. I don't think your guy has grown up yet but that's OK. Maybe you can help him do this. While most women would not want to hang in there and do the work necessary to forget this and put the relationship back together...it is possible...but it will require an incredible committment and the maximum amount of love on both of your parts to do so. So, the questions for you are: Do you want to go through the hell required to get your relationship back on track? Do you have an absolute will to forgive...and beyond that, FORGET? Once this is resolved, can you NEVER, EVER bring this incident up again to anyone...until the day you die? If you answered "YES" to all three, go for it and good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 meaganu with all the respect, it was your own fault why ? when he called you, you should not hide because hiding will not do anything good if you picked up the phone and talked to him , this incident can be avoid in another hand, your b/f slept with another girl because he is drunk and upset at you. This is wrong Being drunk is not an excused for doing bad thing the best thing that i can offer you is YOU TWO SHOULD SPEND 1 DAY AND DO NOTHING BUT DISCUSS THE PROBLEM WILL YOU FORGIVE HIM? IF YOU FEEL THAT SEEING COUNSELOR WILL IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, DO SO keep this in mind When the problem occurs and it doesn't matter how bad it is, YOU TWO have to deal with it in the end, what the relationship all about is BEING TOGETHER, SUPPORT AND TRUST EACH OTHER. if you guys can work everything out right now, you guys can have better future together. if you feel that there is a lot of misunderstanding between you and him, it is time to make decision if you two are not happy when living together, why being together? Link to post Share on other sites
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