Sexually Frustrated, Don't wanna Cheat!!!

[Guest]

Been with my girlfriend for about 1.5 years, sex was amazing at the start, now its gone completely down the drain. She never seems to initiate it or enjoy anything we do physical. I'll get a BJ sometimes but its just to shut me up and avoid us from making love.

 

I have needs and I am a MAN...I don't want to cheat on my girl because I love her COMPLETELY. I made a promise to myself that I would never cheat on her, which I still stand by, but why don't we have sex like we used to?

 

Has anyone else been in this situation? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!

[ultimon]

Other than sex, is the relationship in general going downhill? Is she losing interest in you? It has everything to do with their mood.

 

Maybe she has this crazy thought that she thinks you are using her for sex.

 

Or maybe she found out that you are looking at porn and no longer feels comfortable having sex with you (there is a thread on this topic somewhere here).

 

If everything in your relationship seems fine, try to be romantic and create the mood for her. Start off with a massage or something.

[Trialbyfire]

Good for you for not indulging, when some would. Speaks highly of your principles.

 

Sex is tied into the overall general health of the relationship as referenced by the previous poster. Sit down, get some open communications going so you can quickly flush out the issues before your relationship becomes ingrained like this. At 1.5 years, the two of you should still be acting like bunnies.

[silentalways]

to be honest, i really never watched much, if any porn, before, in my whole life, i went thru a phase, where a number of 'issues' were associated with that

 

i really can't remember the last time i watched anything

 

and i don't even think about doing that

 

guess it one of those been there done that things

 

i really don't need, want, or even find it entertaining - i sort of get uncomfortable with seeing something that ....well, enuff

 

lets just say

 

i am way more a real deal kinda guy and frankly 8 months is well u all get the picture

 

i would rather

[Walk]

Have you asked her why sex is disappearing?

 

When I don't feel that my guy is meeting my needs, then I lose desire for sex. Things like hugs, cuddling, touching that isn't all about screwing me. Affection without expectation for sex.

 

Sometimes in relationships these unmet needs turn into a vicious cycle. One person feels they aren't getting what they needed, so stop givign in return. No one can identify who stopped first, so neither are going to "give in" and start meeting the others needs unless the other person gives first. Plus, you have to trust that your partner will give in return, and since they haven't, then there isn't the trust that they will. Vicious cycle of non-action.

 

My suggestion is to talk to her. Tell her how you feel, what you want, what is important to you. Ask her how she views it, how she feels about it, and what's going on in her head. Might take several discussions to get to the bottom of things. Keep your focus not on "sex", but on ways our partner shows their appreciation, and love. It's not about sex really, so don't make it a "put out or get out" scenario.

 

One of you has to give first. A sign of good faith and desire to make the relationship work.

 

It's not really about "sex" though. Make sure you understand what's lacking for you... it's different for each person, but I know for some sex shows the guy he's appreciated, desired, loved, a feeling of closeness, of feeling cared for.. etc. It's not about the banging.. but about love and appreciation. Get that point across to her.

 

Of course, if you cheat just to get sex, then the whole theory of love is blown to bits, and really all you wanted was a hole... so I suppose you'll have to figure out what it is that is missing and what you seek to replace by cheating.

[Guest]

Hey Everyone,

 

Thanks for the great advice. Its a combination of a lot of things really. I'm sure she has lost interest, I blame each other for this one, we spent time together 24/7 and kinda ripped through our relationship a bit fast?

 

Keep in mind, the beginning sex was amazing. As far as cheating, I never would do that to this girl. She knows this but I'm sure she feels like just "A hole". I blame myself for that one. How can I bring that feeling back into our relationship? I see it in her eyes our love has gone and I don't know how to get it back? I'm sure she has no idea but inside its killing me to see her like this. Please help! Thank you so much for all your help!

[whichwayisup]

You gotta romance her! Make her feel loved and special. Cuddle and kiss, do nice things for her. And she has to do the same for you. This isn't just about sex, it's about the intimacy and feeling emotionally connected. I don't think either of you are feeling that much anymore...So, work together and get it back. Spend time together, but go out and have fun. Reconnect, do things that make you both happy!

 

Be as loving and giving as you can, and hopefully that will be enough for her to see that you're the guy she loves.

[lovestruck234]

Ooh ooh oooh *WAVES HAND IN AIR* I can help with this one!

 

I had the same sort of thing with my boyfriend. We were losing so much affection for each other even though we both knew deep down that we still wanted to make it work...

 

And I tell ya what it is?? It's when the relationship is one-sided. I was the person in the relationship making all the effort, bending over backwards, you know? He never made any effort...

 

You can't play tennis with one person....

 

So as things worsened, and as we sort of let them get that way, we realied that this isn't how it's meant to be. So by sitting down and completely opening up and letting everything out to one another, we were able to help ourselves get back on track. You know, with the "Well, I think we should try...." or "I think we're lacking...."

 

It helped us get a huge load off our shoulders and get abck into the swing of things again...

 

Because we were letting things well up that neither of us had any idea about...our communication, sex and general relationship went down the dunny can.

 

You both have to want to make it work. This can't be on-sided. ALL relationships are 50/50...

[Annyka]

sex was amazing at the start, now its gone completely down the drain. She never seems to initiate it or enjoy anything we do physical. I'll get a BJ sometimes but its just to shut me up and avoid us from making love.

 

This sounds like me for the last year up until about a month ago.

I don't know why, but I just became disinterested in sex. I'd give the occasional BJ to avoid sex. I have no idea why. Then I wanted it, but I didn't want to initiate it. I talked to my hubby and it seemed too planned... not spontanious.

 

I am betting that it has become boring for her. (why so soon in the relationship I can not say). Especially if she's been very sexual in the past. I got bored of being with the same person, and sex had become the same (always in the bedroom). It then became painful (because I wasn't being turned on enough) so I avoided it more.

 

If things are the same with your gf as they were with me, you need to find a way to make things 'new' for her again. I'll think of some things to suggest for you and get back to you.