Strange Behavior & Late Night Phone Calls

[Guest]

My relationship was going fine the first few months until we started arguing and fighting with each other daily. We had problems for a good 2 months and we both knew we were heading for a break up. The reason I would fight with him is because I felt he honestly didn't care about me or the relationship anymore. The reason I didn't leave him is because I had lost my virginity to him and I wanted to work things out anyway I could. Unfortunately every time I would try to work things out he would constantly say I'm nagging or complaining all the time. So nothing would be resolved and I would just bottle up my feelings inside. We wouldn't even communicate anymore it was just fighting day after day. I realize he is a person that will never change no matter how much you try to talk to him.

 

Well the past month, he hasn't really talked to me much on the phone. Usually we would talk alot on the phone but then all of a sudden the past month he made excuses on how he is tired - he wants to sleep, he has headaches, he has stuff to do, he has a high temper - to leave him alone (ugh what an *******) and all this nonsense just to get me off the phone. I felt like he was cheating on me because he was making all these stupid excuses to not talk to me and when we finally did get a chance to talk it was arguing.

 

So I went online to check his phone bill to see if he is talking to someone else. For the past 2 months what do I see? I see that anywhere from 12am-5am he is making international phone calls and he is getting texts internationally. Now I wasn't bothered by this because he did tell me he has family and friends out of the country and he does call them often. But when I see the past month he has been calling way more frequently there and hasn't been talking to me, I knew something was up.

 

So then I confronted him and I told him I have this weird feeling that he is talking to someone else and I brought up the reasons why. He said no he isnt talking to anyone. That he swears to god that he isn't talking to anybody. In my head, I'm like why is he outright lying to me? I can't believe it. If he was man enough he would say yeah I'm talking to whoever late at night. So I was upset and I went over to my friend (all of us were at his house together and he was in his room for a moment) and I confided in her that i checked his phone bills and he is lying to me. I told my friend not to say anything to him or her boyfriend. Well what do I know, when he talked to her she admitted that I check his phone bills.

 

I was so mad at my friend for blowing up my spot like that. But that is another story there that I won't get into.

 

When he dropped me off to my house that night he was like it's over between us and that he doesn't love me anymore because I lied to him. He said I went behind his back to check his phone bills and how I'm such a liar yada yada yada. I tried to play it cool and I lied to him and said no I didn't, it was a misunderstanding between me and my friend that I wanted to do it but I didn't have the info to try to do it. Obviously, he knows its BS but I was trying to cover my ass so I can get more info on him and throw it in his face later on. It was already too late he KNEW I was lying because my stupid friend had to open her mouth lol. I told him I didn't have access to his internet phone bills and if I did why would I be asking him for the billed version.

 

I turned it against him and I was like why are you calling me a liar for? Why are you being so defensive, that it does like you are actually talking to someone else. You can just prove it to me that you aren't by just showing me your printed out version of the bill and I will apologize to you for ever accusing you of this. He was yeah I will do that. But like I said after that we argued intensely and thats when he told me its over and he doesn't love me.

 

We did talk later that night and he always answered my phone calls last week. However, things aren't the same as I would expect it to. He is giving me the cold shoulder and being rude to me every time I try to talk things out. I said I wanted to see him to talk things out but he doesn't want to see me anymore. But I told him if you have nothing to hide why don't you see me? He's like because you lied to me.

 

It's so obvious the real reason why he is doing this to me. He is such a coward and he wants to turn the situation against me to take the spotlight off him. He knew he got caught so he is just trying to end it before I actually get the proof out of him and break up with him. He hasn't called me for a week and he is going on strong about it being it over.

 

All I'm wondering is if there wasn't anything happening like he claims (lets say I was jumping to conclusions) why did he end it over some stupid argument? I understand what I did was wrong, I shouldn't have invaded his privacy like that. But what else could I do? I know he would never admit it out of his own mouth so I had to do research and find out myself. I just wanted to know why did he string me all along these months? What does he get out of talking to someone for such a long period of time for 2 months without physically ever seeing them? I know he didn't see this person he is talking to physically because he would spend his time with me alot. I just don't understand what went wrong and why he couldn't come to me to talk about things.

 

I'm sorry this is my first relationship and excuse me for being very naive. I just don't understand this situation. I know I'm a fool for wanting to make things right again and being with him but he doesn't want to. What is wrong with me?!!? Aghh. Should I try to call him? Should I wait until he calls me? (Which seems highly unlikely) Should I move on? I just wish he would tell me the own truth out of his mouth. I don't even care if it hurts me I want to know. Please any help/advice is appreciated. (Yes I know I answered my own question in a sense but I just can't get it into my heart.)

[Guest]

You sensed something was wrong, and it was.

He would not have let you go so easily if there was not something else going on, don't blame yorself.

Looking for more stuff to throw in his face is not a good groundwork for being in a relationship.

 

Look, be glad you trusted your intuition, he turned it on you -that is very obvious.

 

Move on, even , let's say you were wrong, which all signs beore that point to you were right, but his saying he did not love you as a result of the phone checking-he was just looking for an excuse.

 

He was a jerk, you were smart, feel good about yourself that you did not waste time with this moron who was stringing you along.

 

No loss on your part.