Alexandra Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 My fiance and I are going to live together for a few months before we get married in December. He just gave his apartment notice yesterday that he is moving out. He is mentioning how he cannot wait to redocorate and remodel my house. How he wants to surprise me and paint my kitchen RED. Is red a color? He wants to get rid of all my furniture and buy new stuff....etc. He just started this. I told him we need to talk about everything and make decisions together. The house is mine and I have lived there for 7 years. I feel I have more say in these decisions than he does. He is in graduate school and I don't want to rack up a great deal of debt. He wants a beautiful house...lovely things etc. He is from a very wealthy family and has high expectations. I am really nervous about this. I love him w/ all my heart and I know these are only material things, but they make me nervous. Is this cold feet or poor communication skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 He sounds like a real control freak. You've got to sit him down and teach him many things about domestic living and about dealing with women. First, whether it was his house or yours...regardless...if he had an ounce of sense he would know that it is best to leave interior design to a woman...giving just a few comments here or there. Most women pride themselves in preparing a home for their man and he needs to understand this...and he needs to back off. It's very sweet of you to want to involve him in some way in this effort and I think that's fine. But if he expects you to go along with some of his stupid crap in the future, this is one area where he better give you a free reign. Frankly, if he's so dense on this very simple issue, I think you need a lot more than two months of living together to see if this guy can be changed. If he's going to try to take charge and control every aspect of your life after marriage, I don't care how much you love him....trade him in on a guy who knows a little bit more about life and about the delicate handling of the lady he loves. Your problem is neither cold feet nor poor communications. It is a stupid guy problem and, if you can't educate him on a permanent basis, you know what you've got to do. As time goes on, you may find he has problems in other areas as well. I do hope you can work this out because I know you love him. But I promise you, a controlling man can be hell on earth and some of the wealthier ones can end up being the worst baxtards. Pay attention. You sound like a real sharp gal...and I think he's very lucky to have you. Link to post Share on other sites
Stuck Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 Does your fiance have any idea how much work is involved in renovating and remodelling? If he's at all serious about his studies, he'll never have time anyway. And it is extremely stressful to live (with *anyone*) in a house where one or more rooms are torn up and being renovated. I'm not even going to go near Tony's points...just wanted to point out a practical issue. Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 Alexandra you need to talk to that guy. if he stills want to do what he told you and you guys can't compromise or communicate effectively it is time to make a final call why? if the color of your house , furniture, and everything else are not discussed fully and resolved peacefully, you guys really have a lot of misunderstanding and respect among you guys. furthermore, he comes from a wealthy family and graduate student. I don't know what your status is your status and his status will be very important in his family perspective because whoever has more education and money, make decision. REMEMBER THIS i Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted July 3, 2002 Share Posted July 3, 2002 Get a tight Prenup! What's yours is yours! He thinks it's his---you have to talk to him! Rent the house---buy a house together. I wouldn't let a man do that to me! You'll hate yourself and not respect him if you let him do this. Be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 3, 2002 Share Posted July 3, 2002 Originally posted by Angel Get a tight Prenup! What's yours is yours! He thinks it's his---you have to talk to him! Rent the house---buy a house together. I wouldn't let a man do that to me! You'll hate yourself and not respect him if you let him do this. Be careful. i have to disagree 1 thing if i am your husband for an example, will you keep my salary or you will let me keep it ? if you keep my salary, what is mine is yours and what is yours is mine Link to post Share on other sites
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