telling the wife

[kymberann]

I know your feelings are real. I know there is a lot of pain you are going through. I hope you can find a way that helps you to deal, to gain strength from this. However, think about the ulterior motives and people involved that your decision would influence. I did tell the W, but my circumstances are different (aren't they always!).

I agree news is news, no matter who it comes from. I would want to know, in fact I have been there when other people told me about my xH and his affair. Those circumstances were different too!

I am just saying, think long and hard. If you tell then the A is certainly over for good. He won't come back. If he leaves it needs to be on his terms. Do you think telling the W will push him to make a decision? It won't, it will back fire.

Best to you!

[Meaplus3]

Coming from someone who wanted to tell the wife...BADLY...don't do it.

 

I knew that my motives were purely selfish. If I really thought I would be doing her (the wife) a service, I would have. But honestly, that's not why I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her so that she would feel that "punch in the stomach" feeling like I had felt all those months.

 

As much as I hate it when people tell me this, it's true -- Karma will take over. Karma does show up. I know it sucks waiting for her, (BELIEVE me, I know), but it does work out.

 

If you live your life, be happy, take care of YOU, it does work out.

 

Fully agree with betheredunthat. I would not do it! My H now knows about my A with MM , MM's wife does not know. I was going to have my H tell her, (he offered) but I have concluded that it would be very selfish of me because ofcourse I want her to feel the gut wrenching pain that I am going through, but I could not live with myself knowing I had my H tell her out of spite. I also have to live nextdoor to the woman for right now and it would be too strange! I know My H already feels very hurt because he knows about MM and has to see him all the time.

 

Since he has cheated he will probably be a repeat offender and than karama will set in. Once in for all he will be caught and he will lose his wife and family! Then perhaps he will have learned his lesson and that will be the biggest payback of all.

 

AP

[whoknows]

I have recieved good advice from all of you.THe other thing that I didn't think about was that if she finds out she will take the child and move back to the other side of the country were they are orginally from. His job doesn't allow him to do that so he would be here and child somewere else. I dont want to see that happen becuase I know how much he loves the baby. He didn't think he was going to but he does. I dont want to see him loose that.

[Seen_It_All]

I also believe the wife has a right to know what kind of a loser she's really married. Maybe not right now, but in the future when she's settled more and past the new baby stage.

 

For what it's worth, that's quite the victim story your stand-up guy has fed you. He claims he approached his wife about a divorce (but still slept with this woman that he no longer liked nor cared for) and lo and behold..she TRICKED him with that evil "I quit taking birth control a while ago and I'm now 3 months pregnant!"

 

Gosh, I hate when evil women do that to innocent men who only want a divorce. I guess sleeping with her was part of his 'plan' to divorce her, eh? Please.

 

And finally, you mention that this stand-up guy didn't TELL you that wifey was pregnant when he first started looking for attention elsewhere (with you or whoever would have him at the time). Hmmm, wonder why he felt the need to LIE about her being pregnant? I mean, he's such an honest and stand-up guy, right? I simply don't get why he lied. All his other stories about that evil wife sound so TRUE, yannow?

 

Oh, and not only is this bottom-feeder a lying scumbag, but he's BENEATH a bottom feeder for looking for side fun while his wife carried HIS supposedly "unwanted" child. What a complete and utter LOSER.

[MOMMIE]

Please be very careful because you don't know what "type" of wife you're telling. I had a very good friend who is no longer alive because of a situation similiar to yours. And the woman that killed her is out living her life. She received a slap on the wrist because it was a crime of "passion". Long story short....The wife has nothing to do with how "her" husband treated you...I would not want you to get yourself hurt over six months of messing with another woman's husband.

[WhisperingWillow]

I have a friend that I work with that met a guy at a reputable shopping place. He was a smoothe talker. I was with her when she first met him. He said all the right things and did all the right things and they both were married. They started a affair. Six months into the whole ordeal he starts acting funny, stand offish with her and generally ignoring her. She couldn't get over this and was trying to figure out what was wrong. Lo and behold he finally told her that his wife was about to give birth. My friend was crushed. She knew that he had lied the entire time about wanting a divorce and getting out of it to be with her.

 

She pondered over it for a long time on telling his wife. She knew where they lived, their house phone number, his cell number, and even the wife's cell number. After many sleepless nights she decided not to tell the wife, but here comes the kicker.

 

Almost a year later her cell phone rings and it's his cell phone number, but it wasn't him, it was his wife. She introduced herself to my friend and asked my friend what her relationship to her husband was, my friend told her everything. Here's another chiller, in return the wife told my friend that this was nothing new that her husband had a huge problem and that he had been having not one affair for their six year marriage but 10 affairs. So she wasn't the only one that he was seeing, another reason for the stand offish thing. So sometimes Karma takes care of all those little things that we wish we could. Their marriage ended that day. The wife was phoning every unusual number in his hidden bills that he had locked up in a safety deposit box. It does get them. In the end. New baby or not if he really wanted to leave his wife he would. Nothing can make him stay if he wants out bad enough. Karma is a b*tch!

[puddleofmud]

Jeez, the health of the child should be a concern! If the OW (sorry to use said term) knows that there would be an STD that would affect the pregnancy than she may simply notify her local CDC via the Department of Health.

Stressing out a pregnant person is completely unwarranted!

[whoknows]

Um.. no one said anything about an STD.. babies already born. No sex was involved. But not in my case but I believe that if an STD was involved with anyone else. that sucks!